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I just finished watching every WWF/WWE Raw, Smackdown and PPV from 1996 to 2001 (up until April 1st 2001, ending at Wrestlemania X-Seven), and every PPV onwards from 2001 to 2004 (from Backlash April 2001 up to Wrestlemania XX, March 2004). Here are my thoughts.

2020.11.15 21:26 David_Farooq I just finished watching every WWF/WWE Raw, Smackdown and PPV from 1996 to 2001 (up until April 1st 2001, ending at Wrestlemania X-Seven), and every PPV onwards from 2001 to 2004 (from Backlash April 2001 up to Wrestlemania XX, March 2004). Here are my thoughts.

TL;DR: The Attitude Era was awesome, as were Stone Cold Steve Austin and The Rock from 1997-2001.
My Thoughts:
I wanted to share this. As a professional wrestling fan during my childhood, I watched WWF/E from around late 1999/early 2000 when I was 9 years old during the late Attitude Era, just as Stone Cold Steve Austin left to get his neck surgery and The Rock took the top spot within the business, and I stopped watching professional wrestling up until during the middle part of the Ruthless Aggression era around 2006 at 16. Whenever WWE came to Manchester England, I would go to the events, and my younger brother would buy all the wrestling figures and VHS tapes.
I’ve always wanted to watch all the WWE PPVs, Raws and Smackdowns during the Attitude Era, starting with Stone Cold Steve Austin’s debut in January 1996 during the end of the New Generation Era, and ending it at Wrestlemania X-Seven in 2001, but I never found the time to do so. Well, with the global Covid-19 lockdown of 2020, I finally found the time to track down all of the WWE PPVs, Raws and Smackdowns online thanks to the WWE Network and some torrents, and I watched them all from 1996 to 2004. I began watching them this year in May 2020 and just finally finished watching them today in November 2020. It took me 6 months, and I had to skip a lot of the matches and promos that I had little interest in coming from mid-card talent just to save time, but if I didn’t do that, it easily would have taken me a year or even more just to get through them all.
I also complimented a lot of my watching of every Raw, Smackdown and PPV by watching supplementary WWE Home Video documentaries (such as superstar compilations and documentaries that touched on the Monday Night Wars between the WWF and WCW in the late 90s and early 2000s), as well as watching a lot of Wrestling Bios on YouTube (a fantastic historical YouTube channel about professional wrestling which is extremely interesting, unbiased and fact based). I also want to give a shout out to the wrestling video games of the late 90s and early 2000s, with WWF No Mercy on the Nintendo 64, and Smackdown!2 Know Your Role on Playstation 1, being my favourite wrestling games of all time! I loved playing those video games as a kid.
After watching as much professional wrestling as I could, all I have to say is… damn, The Attitude Era use to be awesome! Here’s my thoughts on each year that I watched:
1996
I skipped through most of 1996 quite fast. Shawn Michaels became the top guy during 1995 and stayed there throughout 1996 and 1997, thanks to Bret Hart dropping the belt to him at Wrestlemania 12. Overall, I found most of the early to mid-year of 1996 to be quite boring and underwhelming. I was never a Shawn Michaels fan of him in the ring or of his persona, so I could care less about his run (and I’ve heard he was an insufferable cunt with his backstage politics and leadership of the ‘Kliq’ thanks to watching shoot interviews which are available to watch on YouTube today). The New Generation Era wasn’t that exciting. However, Bret Hart’s return in late 1996 and subsequent feud with Stone Cold Steve Austin was awesome, and it was great to watch the true Heel Austin character that he was portraying during late 1996 and throughout 1997 begin to develop and get over with the crowd. That was my favourite iteration ever of the ‘Stone Cold character.’ I also enjoyed a few matches of Sycho Sid, and I thought he really could have shined as a top guy should he have chosen to stay in the WWF and not jump ship to WCW later on. He was a great Heel/Tweener in my opinion.
Best Match of the Year 1996: Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. Bret Hart, Survivor Series 1996 – Winner: Bret Hart.
1997
The Hart Foundation ruled this year, and it was also the true beginning of the rise of the popularity of Stone Cold Steve Austin following his and Bret Hart’s double face/heel turn at Wrestlemania 13. DX was also formed and we really got to see the beginning of the Attitude Era, which in my opinion is the greatest era in all of professional wrestling history to date. I did start finding Shawn Michaels and the kliq to be quite insufferable during this year and was pissed off for both Bret and Owen Hart, because of the Montreal Screw Job for Bret, and because of the fact that Owen Hart didn’t get a title shot against Shawn Michaels afterwards. But I reckon that was just because of Vince not liking the fact that Bret jumped ship to WCW, Shawn and the kliq being pricks backstage and refusing to work with Owen, and because Owen also accidentally broke Austin’s neck at Summerslam 1997. They didn’t see any reason to make Owen a main eventer then, because WWF’s plans were to make the main guy of the business to be Stone Cold Steve Austin, due to his rising popularity and attitudinal approach which made the company grow in viewership. Also, Stone Cold’s awesome heel/tweener character really was entertaining to watch throughout 1997 as he battled The Hart Foundation and The Rock later on for the Intercontinental title. 1997 in my opinion, is truly a criminally underrated year within the WWF.
Bret Hart was also an amazing in ring performer to watch. True wrestling fans know this. An older cousin of mine who watched wrestling way before I did would always lambast me whenever I would as a kid say “Stone Cold or The Rock was the best wrestler ever”, because he would say “neither of them are. It’s either The Undertaker or Bret Hart!” His favourite is still Bret Hart to this day and I’m sure he’s in his late 30s now. The Best there was, The Best there is, The Best there ever will be! It’s a shame though, because when I was growing up during the Attitude Era, no one would talk about Bret Hart, especially the casuals, due to The Attitude Era in general overshadowing the popularity of the New Generation Era and all the workers from that 1993-1997 period.
Best Match of the Year 1997: A tie:
Stone Cold Steve Austin vs Bret Hart, Wrestlemania 13 – Winner: Bret Hart.
OR
The Legion Of Doom (Hawk and Animal), Goldust, Ken Shamrock and Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. The Hart Foundation (Brian Pillman, Jim Neidhart, The British Bulldog, Owen Hart and Bret Hart) in a 10-man tag team match, In Your House: Canadian Stampede - Winners: The Hart Foundation (Brian Pillman, Jim Neidhart, The British Bulldog, Owen Hart and Bret Hart).
1998
This was one of my favourite years that the WWF ever produced content for. It was great to see The Rock finally make the jump from mid-carder to top star, and of course I was glad Shawn Michaels finally left (I always found his character in and out of the ring to be quite annoying) in order to allow for the Stone Cold Era to begin at Wrestlemania 14, with Stone Cold reigning as the champion throughout 1998. The Undertaker and Mankind had awesome matches during this year too (especially the King of the Ring 1998 Hell in a Cell match, Mick Foley is still one crazy son of a bitch), but it was really all about the Austin Vs McMahon feud during 1998 which in my opinion really boosted the overall popularity of the WWF during this time. It was always great to see Austin finally get one over the evil boss. My favourite match of this year however was definitely the Summerslam 1998 main event match, where it was Face Vs Face, with Stone Cold Steve Austin triumphing over The Undertaker. I love a good Face Vs Face match, but Heel Vs Heel matches are great too. However, I was really disappointed with the direction WWF creative took with The Rock during the latter part of 1998. He was already getting way over with the crowd as a Face after leaving The Nation of Domination (a very racist depiction of a black militant group which I found to be unacceptable even for 1990s standards. I still don’t know what the WWF or Vince McMahon were thinking for allowing that stable to be created lol), and then making The Rock turn Heel again after winning the title at Survivor Series 1998 wasn’t the best idea in my opinion, because I personally believed it stunted his popularity and character a bit. He did go on in 1999 to have some fantastic matches with Stone Cold Steve Austin and eventually turn back Face though after being kicked out of the Corporation.
Best Match of the Year 1998: The Undertaker vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin (c) for the WWF Championship. Summerslam 1998. Winner: Stone Cold Steve Austin (c)
1999
This year was deep in the Attitude Era, and the storylines involving the Ministry of Darkness, The Corporation and The Corporate Ministry became more and more bizarre every Raw and Smackdown (Vince Russo lol - and don't get me wrong, I think a lot of Russo's WWF creative writing from 1997-1999 was great), but it was still entertaining nonetheless. However, the highlight of this year truly has to go to the feud between Stone Cold Steve Austin and The Rock. After Stone Cold triumphed twice over The Rock at Wrestlemania 15 and Backlash 1999, we finally saw the WWF reverse their decision on The Rock, because even as a heel he was still getting quite over with the crowd, so eventually the decision was made to turn The Rock back to Face and force him out of the Corporation. I did notice however Stone Cold’s character turning more ‘Face’ and him becoming less of a ‘Tweener’ throughout 1999, and I missed that intense Heel/Tweener that Austin use to be in 1996/1997 and throughout the early to mid-part of 1998. Nevertheless, Triple H finally made his way to the top card and I found him to be quite boring when cutting promos and never really liked him in general when I was a kid. With Austin having to leave in late 1999 to get his neck surgery done, it was down to The Rock to lead the business as the main guy. With Austin gone from November 1999, I found the last month of December 1999 to be somewhat boring and didn’t care much for the McMahon-Helmsley era. This year though did have some fantastic matches that Stone Cold Steve Austin and The Rock took part in, and it also saw the introduction of great new talent like Chris Jericho and Kurt Angle. I also enjoyed watching younger talent rise the European title and Intercontinental title divisions such as Val Venis and The Godfather. Awesome gimmicks by the way lol.
Best Match of the Year 1999: A Tie:
Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. The Rock (c) in a No Disqualification match for the WWF Championship, Wrestlemania 15 - Winner: Stone Cold Steve Austin (new c)
OR
The Rock vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin (c) for the WWF Championship, Backlash 1999 – Winner: Stone Cold Steve Austin (c)
OR
Triple H vs. Mankind vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin (c) in a Triple Threat match for the WWF Championship, Summerslam 1999 – Winner: Mankind (new c)
2000
This year is still definitely one of my top years of all of the WWF content ever produced (probably my favourite year overall), and as I went back to watch the early to mid-part of 2000, I was surprised at how boring and lacklustre WWF content really was during the early to mid-part of this year. Stone Cold Steve Austin was sorely missed, and with HHH always using heel tactics to screw The Rock so that he could stay as the champ really bugged me. Wrestlemania 16 (2000) was also quite underwhelming in my opinion, but Backlash 2000 was great, and it was great to see Stone Cold return even for just one night, and launch chair shot after chair shot to aid The Rock against Vince, Shane, the stooges and HHH, so that The Rock could go on to win the title that night. I also believe The Rock truly made the WWF globally popular during this year. Stone Cold may have rejuvenated the popularity of professional wrestling in America from 1997 to 1999, but as a kid growing up in the UK during the late 90s and early 2000s, everyone’s favourite here was The Rock. Luckily I had a mate who had two older brothers who were like 20 and 30 years old back in 2000. Me and my mate were both just 10 years old back then, and his brothers would let us watch back some awesome Stone Cold moments on VHS from 1998 and 1999, and they would tell us about how awesome Stone Cold Steve Austin was, and needless to say, he quickly became my favourite wrestler when he finally returned in 2000.
However, this year was great for 2 things. The first one being the fantastic mid-card talent which joined the company, either through the developmental schools or from those who jumped ship from WCW and ECW, with the notable ones being Chris Jericho (who joined the WWF in late 1999), Chris Benoit and Eddie Guerrero. The tag team division also really got a boost too thanks to Edge and Christian, The Dudley Boyz and The Hardy Boyz. The WWF really went hardcore too during this time, as the hardcore division and inclusion of weapons during matches, and the awesome TLC matches too, really turned up the ECW violence factor! As brutal as it was (and as Jim Cornette says, it saturated the wrestling business and also numbed the crowd to always expect this type of ‘Paul Heyman’ violence at the expense of the wrestler’s health and wellbeing, which when looking back, is not a good thing), it was still extremely entertaining to watch. I finally found myself not skipping mid-card matches during this year because the matches were really entertaining and were often better than the main event card at times.
Finally, we also saw many of this mid-card talent not only rejuvenate the Intercontinental Belt division, but also get their shots against The Rock and HHH for the WWF Championship, with Chris Benoit and Chris Jericho getting great pushes. However, my favourite Heel of this year was definitely Kurt Angle, who joined the company in late 1999. His promos today still just make me laugh so much as he rips the crowd, and how he acted like an insufferable Olympic twerp all the time. He was a great performer and talent, and great on the mic too, and he went on to have great matches against other mid-carders until he finally won the belt from The Rock at No Mercy 2000. Though I found his title reign from October 2000 to February 2001 quite intolerable as a kid, it was funny to watch his promos back as an adult and appreciate his in-ring and mic skills.
But hands down, the second thing that made this year great (and the best period of 2000 overall was from September 2000 onwards) was when Stone Cold Steve Austin finally made his return. Not only did we now have an amazing mid-card roster in the WWF during the year 2000, saw technical wrestlers like Chris Benoit and Chris Jericho having rose the ranks, but we also had the top guys like Rikishi, Kurt Angle, Kane, HHH, The Undertaker as the American Bad Ass, and The Rock, and now, we finally also got Stone Cold Steve Austin back. The mid to latter part of 2000 from July/August 2000, all the way up until Wrestlemania 17 on April 1st 2001, when the Attitude Era sadly ended, was definitely my favourite period in Professional Wrestling history ever. And all of 2000 and early 2001 pretty much built up to the much anticipated match up of Stone Cold Steve Austin Vs The Rock, the greatest Face Vs Face match ever. Stone Cold, the original Face of the Attitude Era, facing off against The Rock, the new Face of the company, the two top guys squaring off. I just remember it being such hype in 2000 and early 2001 to see Stone Cold Vs The Rock actually happen, that it almost felt like they had never squared off before. As kids, me, my brothers and my mates would always wrestle each other and choose to be either The Rock or Stone Cold Steve Austin. When I look at the state of professional wrestling today, it’s sad to look back now, because when we were kids, we just didn’t know how good we had it during the Attitude Era, with two Icons like The Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin being in their primes at the same time as each other in the same company.
Best Match of the Year 2000: The Rock vs. Triple H (c) for the WWF Championship, Backlash 2000 (only because of the interference by Stone Cold Steve Austin) – Winner: The Rock (new c)
2001
2001 was a real dichotomy of a year. The early part of 2001 up until Wrestlemania 17 was amazing. Stone Cold and The Rock really kept things going until they finally squared off against each other. Wrestlemania X-Seven is the greatest wrestling PPV ever made in my opinion (and that Limp Bizkit 'My Way' Promo Package for The Rock Vs Stone Cold was just so awesome), and it still breaks my heart that the greatest match I’ve ever watched, that being the main event of Stone Cold Steve Austin Vs The Rock for the WWF Championship at Wrestlemania 17, had to end that way it did, with Stone Cold Steve Austin turning heel. It was a poor decision in hindsight, as Stone Cold should have never joined forces with his arch-nemesis Vince McMahon, and I feel his heel-turn really ruined Stone Cold’s character from irreparable damage onwards. I remember crying that night as a 10 year old because both of my brothers liked The Rock, and I liked Stone Cold, and they teased me about how Stone Cold is crap now for turning heel lol. Also, it was a poor decision for Austin to turn heel too, because The Rock left for quite some time during the early part of Stone Cold’s heel run and up to the beginning of the botched Invasion angle (The Rock left to go make movies, launching his Hollywood career), so there was no ‘True Face’ of the company left to take on Austin who was now the main Heel, and I don’t think The Undertaker could have pulled it off, nor any of the other talent on the roster at that time either. We were spoiled by having both of these superstars, Austin and The Rock, in the business at the same time whilst they were both at their peak popularity, and to this day I don’t think anyone has, or ever will, come close the rivalry they had or to their individual greatness.
Just as Stone Cold was missed in the early to mid-part of 2000, The Rock was missed during the mid-part of 2001 (even though The Rock was only gone for 4 months and not 10 months like Stone Cold was from the latter part of 1999 through to late 2000). It was just too hard to boo Stone Cold as well, and see his former awesome bad ass character turn into the pathetic heel he became. Overall, I couldn’t bring myself to keep watching more Raws and Smackdowns after Wrestlemania 17 because of how much I despised seeing my favourite wrestler, Stone Cold Steve Austin, turn heel, and because of the botched Invasion Angle involving mid-card WCW and ECW talent. I still remember watching the Invasion Angle as a kid throughout 2001 though, but even from memory, I really felt it, and much of the mid and latter part of 2001 for that matter, was crap when compared against the latter part of 2000 and the early months of 2001 which all built up to Wrestlemania 17 (don’t get me wrong, the Invasion Angle, 2002, 2003 and 2004 in the WWF/E had some memorable moments, but nothing which was as good as the Attitude Era that came before it). I hated Austin’s heel turn and leadership of the ‘Alliance’ so much that even when he turned back to a Baby Face in late 2001 and then stayed Baby Face throughout 2002 to 2003 (when he eventually retired after Wrestlemania 19 in 2003), I could not find myself cheering for him as much as I use to, as all I could remember was his heinous heel turn at Wrestlemania X-Seven and those dastardly chair shots he gave to The Rock during that match. I feel Austin’s heel turn did irreparable damage to his overall character forever.
Overall, the creative booking and writing in the WWF really took a nose dive throughout this year after Wrestlemania 17, and maybe that’s because of Stone Cold’s poor decision to turn heel at Wrestlemania X-Seven (a decision he has stated in podcasts that he now regrets having made), because The Rock left for a while to make movies, or because there simply was no longer any competition for the WWF left to fight against in the industry, as WCW and ECW became liquidated and bought out by the WWF, thus leaving little motivation to raise the creative writing bar. I personally think it was a combination of all three reasons as to why the WWF eventually stagnated and became less popular over time.
There were some good moments during the Invasion Angle however. DDP, RVD and Booker T were great talent to see (and I love how DDP is helping people in need today, he’s an amazing guy, and that stupid stalking angle of The Undertaker’s wife was a seriously dumb angle for DDP). Also the audience pops for some of the WWF superstars against the WCW/ECW guys were crazy at times, not Stone Cold level pops from 1997 to 2001, but still some great pops. The Invasion Angle had so much potential, especially if Goldberg, The NWO and if others were brought in, but I heard many of them chose to sit out their lucrative Time Warner contracts after the 2001 WCW demise, or that Vince refused to buy their contracts out until 2002/2003 (which is when we did begin to see Hulk Hogan, Scott Steiner and Goldberg eventually show up in the WWF/E). This all begs the question though, why didn’t Vince and the creative simply wait until 2002 or 2003 to do the Invasion Angle? Talent like the NWO, Goldberg and Eric Bischoff eventually came to the WWF/E anyway, so why even bother making a crappy invasion angle with mid-card talent from WCW and ECW in 2001? The Invasion Angle would have been so much better to see guys like The Rock take on the NWO (which is what he eventually did anyway in 2002), and Stone Cold Steve Austin take on Goldberg (a match we never saw but at least Stone Cold gave him a stunner at Wrestlemania 20 in 2004). It just boggles the mind that the WWF creative just didn’t wait a little while longer to get those WCW/ECW guy’s contracts, and the way WCW/ECW talent were treated by the WWF creative during the Invasion Angle too was very disrespectful. Sting was right to never join the WWF/E … wait… lol.
Best Match of the Year 2001: Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. The Rock (c) in a No Disqualification match for the WWF Championship, Wrestlemania 17. – Winner: Stone Cold Steve Austin (new c) (only with help from Vince McMahon, Austin turns heel.)
2002
This was the year WWF/WWE really could have finally given the long term professional wrestling fan of the WWF, WCW and ECW the dream matches they always wanted to see. I never watched WCW or ECW as a kid, so it didn’t bother me too much back then if we saw dream matches or not, but this year (and the latter half of 2001) really should have been dedicated to all the old time fans of all the promotions who were watching since the 1980s and early to mid-1990s. I really believe this was the year when the WWE locker room was at its absolute best, with the NWO, Ric Flair, Hulk Hogan and a bunch of other legends of the business like Shawn Michaels returning, not to mention a massive talent pool of WCW/ECW guys like Booker T and RVD, and of course the existing WWE talent like HHH, Chris Jericho, Chris Benoit, Kurt Angle and of course, The Undertaker, The Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin (until he left due to creative differences, only to return in 2003) still remaining with the company. 2002 could have been the best year ever from a fan’s perspective. But it wasn’t. We only got a few dream matches in my opinion. Brock Lesnar ruled during 2002 and his character arc was somewhat of a boring repeat of Goldberg’s run in WCW. I also found the Raw and Smackdown draft (WWE’s attempt to create self-competition and split their now massive roster) quite underwhelming, and overall, we never got the dream matches we wanted to see. But if only we did, and if we also got to see Bret Hart (who retired due to a concussion in 2000), Goldberg (who did show up in 2003 but was quickly buried by HHH lol) and Sting (who I heard was in the WWE from 2014 to 2015, but again, was quickly buried by HHH) show up during this year too, then god damn, it truly could have been the greatest year in professional wrestling history ever. But we never got the dream matches we wanted to see. I did however find HHH’s short Face run quite interesting in early to mid-2002 (since he has always played a Heel), and the Vengeance 2002, Summerslam 2002 and Survivor Series 2002 PPVs were really good too, but then again, nearly every PPV during the Attitude Era was amazing, whilst 2002 in my opinion, only had the select few great PPVs. Still, what a star-studded roster 2002 had!
I also felt with Stone Cold Steve Austin leaving due to differences he had with the WWE creative in 2002, and The Rock leaving too (following his defeat by Brock Lesnar at Summerslam 2002) that a void was left in regards to who the next top guy in the business would be. As good as the roster was, no one, in my opinion (at that time), had the charisma and skill that The Rock or Stone Cold Steve Austin had to carry the company as the main guy (with the exception of perhaps Rob Van Dam). 2002 was also the year I remember when the fan base and overall global popularity of the WWE really started to dwindle, as many of my friends and other casuals alike, simply stopped watching WWE altogether either in late 2001 or during 2002, mainly because of the lacklustre storylines, talent like The Rock and Austin leaving the company, and because they simply ‘grew up’ and thought ‘wrestling is for little kids’ and didn’t want to watch a combat sport which was ‘fake’, switching their interests to other sports like football (soccer), and the UFC.
Best Match of the Year 2002: A Tie:
Hulk Hogan vs. The Rock, Wrestlemania 18 – Winner: The Rock
OR
Rob Van Dam vs. Booker T vs. Kane vs. Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Triple H (c) (Elimination Chamber Match for the World Heavyweight Championship), Survivor Series 2002 – Winner: Shawn Michaels (new c).
2003
Similar to 2002, we did get some dream matches, but not all of the ones I would have liked to have seen. But at least we saw The Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin return for one final awesome feud and match at Wrestlemania 19 on March 30th 2003, which also saw Austin’s in-ring retirement. I had to go back and watch the Raws and Smackdowns leading up to No Way Out 2003, Wrestlemania 19 and Backlash 2003 (all of which were the last good WWE PPVs in my opinion, apart from the ECW One Night Stands of 2005 and 2006), because I couldn’t resist watching The Rock’s Hollywood ‘Heel’ character because he was too funny. I feel like after Backlash 2003 though (where The Rock lost to Goldberg, which I must note was a terrible match, but then again, any match with Goldberg in it is a terrible match), WWE became very lacklustre during their transformation into the Ruthless Aggression Era which began earlier in 2002. HHH was also very insufferable during this year as he buried Booker T at Wrestlemania 19 and pretty much everyone else, and I didn’t care for any of the new talent which had joined the company during 2002 and went on to rise the ranks in 2003 like Bautista, John Cena and Randy Orton. I found WWE to have become very boring after Backlash 2003, and once The Rock left the WWE permanently. I also didn’t care too much for the Eric Bischhoff/Stone Cold co-general manager feud either, as I felt Stone Cold portrayed too much of a 'Baby Face' during this time and wasn’t his ‘tweener’ self (and I still couldn’t forgive him for his Wrestlemania X-Seven heel turn and 2001 Alliance heel run, so I began to care less about his character overall, so much so that I was happy when he lost his last match to a ‘Hollywood’ Heel Rock at Wrestlemania 19, which truly felt like justified revenge after the way Stone Cold won against him and turned heel against The Rock 2 years prior at Wrestlemania 17 in 2001).
If only RVD got the ‘mega-push’ he always deserved during 2002 and 2003 however. RVD will always be my third all-time favourite wrestler, with The Rock being second and Stone Cold Steve Austin being first. It’s a shame he never got the ‘mega-push’ he needed, and a shame that during his 2001, 2002 and 2003 push with the WWF/E that he was not booked correctly, because I still truly believe RVD had the potential to become an all-time wrestling great like Bruno Sammartino, Hulk Hogan, Bret Hart, The Undertaker, Shawn Michaels, Stone Cold Steve Austin and The Rock.
I also feel that 2003 was the last good year that the WWE has ever had. As a kid, I remember being disappointed in the direction that the Ruthless Aggression Era took which began in 2002 and the direction the WWE has pretty much taken since then (specifically being disappointed in the lowering the overall ‘ECW style’ violence factor). We saw less and less hardcore matches, and no more crazy Hell in the Cell bumps being taken by the superstars or by the hardcore legend Mick Foley. In a way, The Ruthless Aggression Era essentially began to lay the foundation for the current WWE PG-Era as long back as 2002 and 2003. Oh, but the Bikini Challenge match between Sable and Torrie Wilson at Judgement Day 2003 was awesome (lol). At least they kept the divas around for a bit longer after the Attitude Era before they went all feminist and PG around the late 2000s and early 2010s.
Best Match of the Year 2003: The Rock vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin, Wrestlemania 19 – Winner: The Rock.
2004
Similar to the previous year of 2003, I found this year to be boring too, and I really felt like this was the year that was the true ‘end of an era’, a goodbye letter to The Attitude Era and the Monday Night Wars between the WWF and WCW. The Rock returned at Wrestlemania 20, as did Stone Cold Steve Austin to referee Goldberg Vs Brock Lesnar, both of who were just about to leave the company, and we finally saw Eddie Guerrero and Chris Benoit get the pushes they deserved as the top guys. But the minute John Cena became the ‘main guy’ after that, that in my opinion, is when the WWE truly died and became the boring snooze fest that it is today. Yes, there were some good moments from 2005 to 2008 as the Ruthless Aggression Era came to a close, but John Cena’s ‘hip-hop’ character really was just beyond excruciating (he was much better as a Heel and as the ‘Doctor of Thuganomics’). I don’t know why anyone would pay to watch him as a Face, other than to watch him lose. I couldn’t bring myself to watch anymore WWE after Wrestlemania 20, because I remember during my mid-teens watching John Cena win night after night from I think 2005 up until I stopped watching in 2006, so why would I want to continue watching any more professional wrestling if I can still remember how terrible it became during the mid-2000s?
Best Match of the Year 2004 (of what I watched): Eddie Guerrero vs. Brock Lesnar (c) for the WWE Championship, No Way Out 2004 – Winner: Eddie Guerrero (new c) – with help from Goldberg.
2005 and 2006
I lied, I did watch the ECW One Night Stand 2005 and ECW One Night Stand 2006. I found them entertaining when I watched them as a teenager, so I had to hunt them down again. But only because in the 2006 one, we finally saw RVD become champion, and to do so in the most satisfying way, in front of a rabid pro-ECW anti-Cena crowd, and by defeating John Cena (who I still despise to this day lol). I think this was the last live WWE PPV I ever watched as a teenager, and I loved it. I might try to track down all of the ECW recorded live weekly shows and PPVs from 1995 to 2000 now. I wish I got to watch them all as a kid lol, but I don't think they were broadcast here in the UK. I also remember the eventual disastrous reboot of ECW by the WWE in 2006 to 2010, and from what I can remember from what little I watched in 2006, it was shit, it wasn’t even hardcore. They got all of our hopes up for a return to the ‘Attitude Era ECW style’ of violence, but we never got that. Still, at least the ECW One Night Stands of 2005 and 2006 were both pretty good.
2007 to 2020 (today).
I think the WWE in the last 13 years since 2007 to 2020 during their PG Era (which began in 2008 following the end of the Ruthless Aggression Era) has been quite shit if I’m honest (I personally think the product started to get shit from 2004/2005). When I was younger in the early 2010s, I did however find myself drawn back to the product to watch The Rock cost John Cena the title at Wrestlemania 27 against The Miz in 2011, watching CM Punk face off against John Cena at Money in the Bank 2011 following his infamous and sorely needed ‘pipe bomb’, and also casually following the return of The Rock to face John Cena throughout their Wrestlemania duology at Wrestlemania 28 and 29, from 2012 to 2013 respectively, all with a small glimmer of hope in the back of my mind that maybe, just maybe, Cena would finally fuck off or turn heel, and that The Rock and CM Punk would bring about the return of The Attitude Era, but that never happened.
I also see the WWE did eventually bring in talent from Japan like Shinsuke Nakamura and from smaller promotions like AJ Styles during the mid and late 2010s (a move I believe the WWE should have made much earlier), but I just don’t care for wrestling anymore. I haven’t cared for it since 2006 when I stopped watching it as a teenager. And I never really watched too much WCW or ECW as a kid in the 90s (therefore I had little interest in Sting’s 2014-2015 run in the WWE, which I found him coming to the WWE a little too late for my tastes, or the return of Goldberg in 2016- 2017 and up until 2019). I also never watched anything else from the smaller promotions during the 2000s and 2010s (promotions like TNA/Impact Wrestling, NJPW, ROH and AEW). As I got older, I did learn to appreciate the in-ring skill, talent and the bumps the athletes took as they wrestled, but I guess I was always more interested in the promos, the build ups, the storylines, the entrances and the music, and the ‘extreme’ violence attitudinal factor. Nothing will ever beat the WWF ‘ECW style’ Attitude Era of 1997 to 2001.
Conclusion
It sure was fun to relieve watching some of the best matches and promos in the WWF from 1996 to 2001, as well as finally experience the Bret Hart/Austin feud from 1996 to 1997, and watch the genesis of the Stone Cold character being created in 1996. Nothing will ever beat this specific time period in professional wrestling history. I’m sure people love wrestling from back in the day, the 70s, 80s and early to mid-90s, but in my opinion, the greatest period, hands down, in all of professional wrestling, will always be the late 90s to early 2000s. And that’s because of the fantastic storylines which targeted the male demographic aged 18 to 35, the great anti-establishment characters like Stone Cold Steve Austin, the hardcore violence, and because of the competition in the industry at the time with promotions like ECW and WCW competing with the WWF, thus forcing the WWF to shift into a different ‘attitudinal’ direction. Thanks to Stone Cold Steve Austin and The Rock, during the late 90s and early 2000s, professional wrestling was made culturally relevant within pop culture at that time. It was cool to like wrestling back then as an adult, but now, being associated with professional wrestling today is pretty much seen as embarrassing and ‘for kids’. And this is because since the mid-2000s all the way up to today in 2020, I personally believe professional wrestling has been terrible, and this is because of the boring characters, boring storylines, backroom politics burying talent (Shawn Michaels, Triple H and Stephanie McMahon, I’m looking at you arseholes), the moving of the product to a more PG rating targeting children, the lack of hardcore matches and blading, the death of kayfabe, and the lack of competition for the WWE, resulting in them no longer even attempting to innovate or be entertaining within their creative department.
We may never see another ‘Attitude Era’ occur in a professional wrestling company ever again. Nevertheless, the WWF won the ‘Monday Night War’ in 2001, and since then, they dropped the Attitude Era direction, and the WWE continues to be one of the most boring TV shows today that you could possibly watch, as they continue to refuse to listen to the fan’s open rejection of characters like John Cena and Roman Reigns throughout the 2000s and 2010s. During the Attitude Era, the WWF listened to the fans (because they needed to, in order to get ratings, more viewership, compete with WCW, and ultimately turn a profit as a company), resulting in the fans getting talent over, not the company with their forced pushes and boring storylines, but since the mid-2000s, the WWE hasn’t given a shit what the fans want anymore (apart from perhaps Daniel Bryan's push and win at Wrestlemania 30 in 2014). And to add further insult to injury, every WWE Home Video Release from 2002 onwards, and every WWE Network documentary since launching from 2014 onwards to today, has always mostly been something relating to ‘nostalgia’ (often referencing the past glory days of wrestling and The Attitude Era of the late 90s to the early 2000s), making me hate the current product of ‘professional wrestling’ even more whenever I remember how good it use to be. Seeing what professional wrestling has become today is embarrassing. I could care less about the ‘Dave Meltzer’ 5 star match rating crap, if there’s no ‘ECW style’ hardcore violence and/or no awesome storylines and characters like Stone Cold Steve Austin or The Rock to cut great promos, then I’m not going to watch it. Vince McMahon likes to call the business industry of professional wrestling ‘sports entertainment.’ Well, the WWE has certainly been far from ‘entertaining’ for the past 15 years.
Nevertheless, at least when we were kids we got to witness the Attitude Era and the greatest period in Professional Wrestling History. Bret Hart may have inadvertently caused The WWF Attitude Era and thus created the heel McMahon character following Survivor Series 1997 and The Montreal Screwjob, as well as the continued competition coming from WCW at the time, but Stone Cold Steve Austin ruled The Attitude Era!
LONG LIVE THE ATTITUDE ERA! HELL YEAH! *GLASS SHATTERS* *SMASH TWO BEER CANS TOGETHER* *HELL FROZEN OVER PROCEEDS TO PLAY!*
submitted by David_Farooq to SquaredCircle [link] [comments]


2020.11.11 12:53 mjstudios97 First Twenty Years of Life (a close-up study)

Not sure if this is really relevant to generationology but a lot of people kind of talk about childhood, so I decided to do an in-depth take on the various life stages for the first 20 years of life. While it's hard to put fix age ranges as there's overlaps, this is mostly just a rough estimate of course, the ages coinciding with milestones and transitions, etc. Of course everyone is also different, and some people are early/late bloomers obviously. Anyway, here goes.

Infancy
0 - 12 months: At birth, a baby is born with reflexes, basically survival instincts which are present until baby has more voluntary movement and control. As a baby matures, they gain the strength that'll allow them to support their neck, sit up, roll over, and eventually start crawling or scooting. A baby will coo and mimic the speech of people around them. They may also start recognizing and responding to their own name. Babies will need a lot of love, and attention from their parents for emotional development and bonding. Babies enjoy sensory toys like play gyms and rattles. By the end of their first year, babies will have started teething, eating solids, and may have taken their first steps. They may start making the connections with words spoken to them to objects and actions, and may be speaking basic syllabic words like "da-da" or "ma-ma".
Toddlerhood
1-2 years old: At this stage, children are honing in on their motor skills. They have the strength and balance to perform more actions such as spinning around, running, jumping, climbing, catching, using utensils, pencils or crayons, walking sideways and backwards, etc. Toddlers may enjoy activities such as building blocks, scribbling, shape sorting, pushing a corn popper, reading pop-up books, riding tricycles etc. They'll also start identifying animals, and their animal sounds, name body parts, food, furniture, colors, sing nursery rhymes and be able to count up to 10. Toddlers also start playing make-believe, and are imaginative at this age. They may start watching educational shows on a tablet or TV. They'll also start being more curious of other children their own age. Toddlers will pick up around 200+ words during this time, and will start stringing together simple 2-3 word sentences and can respond with yes/no. Toddlers can also understand gestures like shrugging, nodding, pointing, sticking tongue out, etc. and are better at expressing themselves emotionally. They may also start showing defiance around this age hence the term 'terrible 2's'. Also around toddlerhood, children start potty-training.
Early Childhood
3-5 years old: Around 3 years old, kids become potty-trained and are eligible for preschool enrollment. Also this is the age when the earliest long-term memories start forming. At this life stage, kids are able to engage in a give-and-take conversation and ask lots of questions, and are more curious about the world around them. They also start becoming opinionated during this life stage and can express certain likes and dislikes. They'll know more basic personal things about themselves such as their favorite food, color, animal, song, show, their birthday, their address, the names of parents/grandparents, their full name, etc. They'll also be able to recount personal stories that happened to them, or even be a little inventive, and fib a lot with a lot of imagination at work. They may also start having certain interests and activities such as dinosaurs, space, video games, tv shows, cars, puzzles, dolls, princesses, etc. They may start being enrolled in some activities like sports, dance, art, etc. Kids can grasp more concepts like relationships "cousin" "boyfriend/girlfriend" "friend", jobs "doctor" "librarian" "firefighter", places "bank" "grocery store" "school" etc. During this life stage, children are more independent and can dress themselves up, brush their teeth, clean up their room, help set the table, etc. They may also start learning how to read and write their name, and learn the alphabet and phonics. They may also learn how to add and subtract. Toward the end of early childhood, a 5-year-old will start kindergarten and enter elementary school. Preschool and kindergarten are important learning centers and environments which should have a play-based curriculum that shapes kids' personalities, help them form and maintain friendships, help them understand and manage emotions and self-discipline more.
Middle Childhood
6-9 years old: During this time period, a child is in elementary school and has graduated from the play-based learning curriculum of preschool and kindergarten. At around 6 years old, a child has an understanding of the alphabet and phonics. They can now get information from reading and writing, and continue to gain proficiency in it through this life stage. Kids may retain attention spans a little better and have better concentration, although this may continue to be a struggle as some still are adjusting. Children may be more into topics like science, and history and may enjoy engaging in extracurricular activities like baseball, basketball, soccer, ballet, karate, music, etc. They may start joining competitions like the Spelling Bee, or in competitive dance or sports. They may like going to after-school programs like chess or science clubs, YMCA, etc. that are being offered at the school. In math they'll learn about the difference between odd and even numbers, complicated arithmetic processes like multiplication and division, long addition or subtraction, numbers with decimals, place values and applying them to arithmetic equations, charts and word problems, etc. Children learn more about the nuances and syntax of language like: punctuation, pronouns, prepositions, articles, transition words, etc. Kids may need to start doing presentations or writing small essays for class around this time too. Kids of this age very much enjoy playing outside in a street, playground, or park with friends, and are still very imaginative at this age while starting to show more interest in pop culture. These kids may come off as as very hyperactive at times as they have a lot of zest and energy. Kids this age like recess games with other kids such as tag, dodgeball, tetherball, jumprope, etc. They may start thinking deeply about their place in the world, their society, the future, and may start having a more logical/organized view of the world.
Late Childhood
10-12 years old: This is the transition between childhood and adolescence as girls start puberty around 10, and boys around 12. Although not quite teenagers yet, this age group of kids are considered pre-teens or tweens. Kids this age transition from elementary to middle school. They start undergoing rapid physical and hormonal change around this age and may start feeling more conscious about their bodies and other peers. This is also a time when preteens may start feeling more peer pressure to try to fit in, as some of their social groups become more opinionated, or cliquey. They may come off as rebellious as they start to challenge their parents more often. Parents need be patient during this time as preteens still are learning the consequences of their actions, responsibility, emotional management, discipline, and decision-making skills. Preteens need not feel ashamed of their changing bodies, and have the comfort and reassurance of a trusted older role model. A preteen may go through many different phases in their personality, or appearance as they find their place in the world. Preteens may start having more interactions on social media, and have more mature interests in politics, video games, movies, tv shows, pop culture, etc. Preteens are also starting to think more outside the box with abstract, hypothetical or strategic thinking. They may also still enjoy and cling onto the same things they did when they were younger. These kids may still enjoy playing recess or playground games with kids their age, or even with their younger counterparts. While others find the transition to being a teen exciting, some may find the transition to being a teen intimidating.
Early Teen Years
13-14 years old: By this age, teens may be raging with hormones which is a normal process of puberty. Around this life stage more or less, teens may also start getting into the dating scene. At the same time, these young teens may find themselves overwhelmed with schoolwork with more assignments crammed into them and having to deal with around 6 classes a day. These teens are also very opinionated, although might start to challenge their own views, and have a somewhat fortified personality. These teens might continue to deal with confidence issues, and comparing themselves with others. By this point, young teens are better adept in navigating social media and finding their circles online. These young teens are also transitioning into high school (US/Canada) and may start feeling a little more serious about college, although it is still far off at this point. The transition from middle school-high school is a big one, as once 8th grade leaders of the pack, may find themselves as the underlings of high school as 9th grade freshman. Younger teens will need to learn how to handle relationships with upperclassmen, who may seem worlds apart to them. They may also start being more competitive in school sports and activities such as football, cheerleading, baseball, soccer, band, orchestra, choir etc. At around this age, young teens might consider some gigs like doing yard work, paper delivery, babysitting, etc. for some pocket money. A parent might consider giving an allowance and having them open up their own bank account, with an ATM card to teach them the value of money and how to save.
Middle Teen Years
15-17 years old: This is the biggest transition in the teen years as teens start having more adult responsibilities and slowly make the transition from childhood to adulthood. At around 15 years old, a teen may start getting a work permit from their school district in order to start working (at a theater, fast food joint, grocery market, retailer shop, etc.) and may also have a driving permit (driver's license starting at 16). These teens learn about responsibility, work ethic, and some banking/financing with the aid of their parents. Teens may feel frustrated while having this new sense of independence, and purchasing power since they are still stuck with mom and dad as they are still minors. Teens may also find themselves more tied up with school or extracurriculars as they strive to go to the college of their dreams. They might find themselves motivated or pushed to pursue AP classes for early college credit. At the same time, teens not be overly stressed out and should be able to spend time socially with their peers or family, have personal time for recreation and self-care. Teens may enjoy activities in high school like homecoming, prom, pep rallies, senior tailgate, senior field day, ditch day, etc.
Late Teen Years
18-19 years old: These teens are now adults, but may not be entirely fully-fledged adults yet which is understandable. These teens barely graduated high school. There may now be a mounting pressure to get a job (especially a full-time one), and even move out and take care of their own finances but lots of late teens are still at home while going to work and/or school as getting your bearings in society is arguably more harder today than before. Although independent, an adult teen may still look on for help from parents or older role models when it comes to banking, financing something, getting into legal contracts, paying taxes and bills, etc. This is ok. An adult teen are going into college or some kind of trade school. They may also take a gap year from school if finances allow for it, and travel the world and explore their surroundings. Some adult teens may feel a little lost in the world since they are no longer considered kids, and may even not have a safety net. They may feel like they are going nowhere in life because they have no idea what they are doing long-term yet. These late teens are transitioning into their 20s, which in its entirety is a period of finding their place in the real world and exploring it on their own.
submitted by mjstudios97 to generationology [link] [comments]


2020.11.10 22:48 colorcodedcards 3 months ago I posted a writeup about Robbin Slaughter, a 37-year-old man who vanished without a trace while walking to a convenience store in Owensboro, KY in 1993—NAMUS has forwarded my potential match with the Cleveland John Doe to law enforcement for DNA comparison!

Hi everyone! I was inspired by u/TheBonesofAutumn to post an update on Robbin Lewis Slaughter's case (original post included below) which I did a write-up on a few months ago. I had identified a set of remains from a male homicide victim found in a chimney in Cleveland as a potential match for Robbin and submitted the match to NAMUS for consideration. A few days ago, I received an email from the program officer letting me know that he will be forwarding the match to both law enforcement agencies for a potential DNA comparison!
Also, I am currently working on an extensive write-up of the case of Toni Danieelle Clark which has been nearly 3 years in the making (I've interviewed her family and friends as well as the law enforcement officers originally assigned to her case over the past few months in addition to FOIA requests) so stay tuned! My goal is to submit it to a newspaper as a long-form investigative journalism piece but I will post it on here regardless (totally a shot in the dark, but if anyone here has experience pitching articles, I'd love to speak with you!).
"A sweet and lovable person"
Robbin Lewis Slaughter was born to Dorothy ‘Dot’ Slaughter and William J. Slaughter in Owensboro, KY in the predominately black West End neighborhood. By all accounts, Slaughter––who was 36-years-old at the time of his disappearance––was a bit of a homebody. He kept his social circle small and rarely ventured outside the 5 or 6 places he frequented in town. He didn’t drive and usually got around town on foot––even his workplace was 1.3 miles (less than a 30-minute walk) from his home. He didn’t drink, gamble, or go out on the town. Slaughter’s coworkers at the Owensboro Public Works Department described the 16-year-veteran clean-up crew member as a diligent and hard worker who was never late or missed a day of work. Rudd Slaughter, Robbin’s older brother, was also employed by the department as a sanitation truck driver and the pair would sometimes work together.
“He’s a good worker. He’s very dependable,” said Cissy Gregson, director of Owensboro’s sanitation department. “He’s easygoing. He wouldn’t get in a confrontation with anybody.”
Slaughter was extraordinarily close with his family. “Even though he was grown, he lived with my mom until a couple of months before he was married,” Slaughter’s sister Kitty Board said. Dot even had power of attorney over her son’s finances up until he married Lucinda.
“He was a sweet and lovable person, but he needed looking after,” Board said.
Robbin Slaughter married his childhood friend Lucinda in 1991 after a whirlwind romance. The pair went out a few times when Lucinda was 15, although the two didn’t begin dating seriously until 12 years later when they reconnected at church. After Lucinda was critically injured in a car accident in 1990, Robbin visited her regularly during the two months she was in the hospital. Lucinda says Robbin’s frequent visits convinced her of his caring nature and she started to see him as a potential father figure for her two daughters.
Robbin’s family was skeptical of his budding romance and felt the couple was moving too fast. Both Slaughter’s brother and mother said they noticed a change in his behavior after the marriage. He used to like to listen to music and sports but “he cut back when he got married” according to Rudd.
“He changed,” his brother recalled. “He wouldn’t come out as often. He settled down, just went to work and church.” Slaughter’s mother reported that after his marriage to Lucinda, he didn’t visit as often (he used to visit her once a month).
His sister said that even after the marriage her family never accepted her brother’s wife and stepdaughters, and that there was a mutual agreement that “we don’t question each other’s lives." Lucinda herself readily admitted that Slaughter’s family didn’t get along with her, although she claims that she reconciled with Slaughter’s mother in the years following Robbin’s disappearance.
Slaughter was the polar opposite of someone who would run away to start a new life.
"He never went on any trips without family," said Slaughter's sister, Kitty Board. “He didn't stay away from home.... He never ventured out of his comfort zone. If you would say, 'Where's Robbin?' there were five or six places he could be."
Timeline –– (Google Map of important locations)
When Slaughter vanished on the evening of Saturday, November 14, 1993 it was a shock.
“He’d not been out of state and very seldom out of town,” Board said. “He’s not the type of person who would plan to leave.”
Slaughter’s wife Lucinda told police that that evening, at around 9pm, her husband left their home at 2714 West 10th Street to walk to Franey’s Food Mart which was a trip he made frequently. It was an unseasonably warm day for mid-November, with a high near 75 degrees. At night, however, the temperature dropped as a line of evening thunderstorms moved through the area so Slaughter chose to put his gray and blue sweater on over his athletic shirt. He was also wearing a pair of blue jeans and white tennis shoes.
Lucinda said that Slaughter let her know that he would be back in around 40 to 45 minutes. She told police that her husband was not distraught when he left the house and did not notice anything strange about his behavior.
The convenience store was less than a 15-minute walk from Slaughter’s home so it made a perfect destination for an evening walk. Of the two possible routes he could have taken, both went through quiet, tree-lined streets dotted with small single-family homes. Franey’s is located at the intersection of Cravens Avenue and Carter Road on the far west end of town. The southwest corner of this intersection marks the beginning of a vast expanse of farmland and open fields. On this night, however, Slaughter never made it inside the store.
The next morning at around 9 or 9:30am Lucinda Slaughter knocked on Board’s door, inquiring as to whether Board had seen her brother. When Board said that she hadn’t, Slaughter reported her husband missing.
Being a small, locally-owned chain, the cashier at Franey’s was familiar with Slaughter as he was a regular customer. Connie Carlisle, the cashier working on the night of Slaughter’s disappearance, told police that Slaughter never entered the store that evening, something which a review of surveillance footage from inside the store confirmed. One witness placed him in the parking lot at Franey’s but this report was never confirmed.
“A (teen-age) boy talked with him in the parking lot, but he (Slaughter) never came in,” Carlisle later told a reporter. According to Carlisle, Slaughter and this boy “were friends.” The police apparently talked to the teenager Slaughter was last seen with but the boy denied talking with Slaughter and said he had only seen him in the parking lot.
His mother and siblings quickly cast doubt on the idea that Slaughter chose to disappear––he was extremely close with his family and would never abandon them. Sgt. Michael Walker of the Owensboro Police Department’s criminal investigations bureau concurred with the family’s assessment, stating that “there were no extraordinary circumstances that stood out as to why he would fit the profile of someone who would want to get away from it all.” The police did not find anything in Slaughter’s background that indicated he had any reason to disappear.
"He had family here," Sgt. Walker said. "There were no significant issues he was facing that would prompt him to take off without a word to anyone."
Slaughter did not have any financial troubles or known enemies that might have led him to abandon his quiet life in Owensboro. Both Lucinda and Slaughter’s family said that he was happy in the marriage and that he cared deeply for his stepdaughters.
Even if Slaughter wanted to leave Owensboro and start a new life elsewhere, he would need to either get a ride from someone or take public transportation because he didn’t have a car. A year and a half before Slaughter’s disappearance a new bus terminal opened at 1216 E. 2nd Street with daily service to Evansville and Henderson. The terminal is just over a 3 mile walk from the Franey’s Food Mart where Slaughter was last seen and would take him roughly an hour to travel there on foot. Besides, a number of Slaughter’s relatives lived close by.
At the same time, there was no evidence a crime had taken place. Yet police see no other possibility aside from foul play.
“They should have done this years ago”: Investigating (and excluding) Lucinda as a suspect
The police investigation quickly hit a dead end in 1993, which is perhaps partially due to a number of problems impacting the department. Chief Ulysses Embry, a 40-year veteran of the Owensboro Police Department, retired in May of 1992 and left the department in need of new leadership. Tensions between the Police Department and City Hall reached a fever pitch in 1993 when disgruntled patrol officers with the Fraternal Order of Police organized a Back the Blue campaign. The department had also recently hired a number of new officers, most of whom were young and inexperienced.
“The police department has got some young boys,” Embry told reporters in 1993. “These boys mean well, but they will learn that they have got the responsibility of their job.”
The police were slow to investigate Slaughter's disappearance initially and none of the news reports mentions a search being conducted for him. The extent of the police investigation in 1993 appears to have consisted of two 'witness' interviews (the clerk and the teenage boy) and a review of surveillance footage from Franey's. It wasn't until 2002 that police are known to have conducted a physical search for Slaughter.
Two searches of Lucinda Calhoun’s (she remarried in the years following Robbin's disappearance) former property at 2714 W. 10th Street were conducted in 2002 and a portion of the property was excavated after cadaver dogs alerted to the location. A separate portion of the adjoining backyard of 2710 W. 10th Street, Lucinda's mother's house, was also excavated. Officers originally identified Lucinda as a possible suspect in the early weeks of Slaughter’s disappearance based on rumors that she had harmed her husband. Lt. Ken Bennett declined to disclose how authorities obtained the new information but said that “it’s more detailed [...] than the earlier rumors." Lucinda gave police permission to search and excavate the backyard, but on the second day of the search police returned with a search warrant for the home on the property because they expected to conduct a “much more elaborate” search.
[Photos of the search]
Authorities dug two holes on Lucinda’s property––one 6-feet deep by 10-feet wide portion was excavated along the back fence with a second 3-feet deep by 3-feet wide excavation site in the center of the backyard. Before dawn on the second day of the search, detectives used Luminol inside the home to search for blood and seized a handful of items––including a door––for additional testing.
“They said they would do this quietly, and they’re here at church time,” Lucinda told reporters during the search. “They should have done this nine years ago.”
After the searches of Lucinda’s property came up empty in 2002, police officially classified Slaughter’s disappearance as a cold case. Lt. Bennett told the media at the time that the case would remain cold until new information surfaces. In the meantime, Lt. Bennett said that the Owensboro Police would continue to treat Slaughter’s disappearance as a noncriminal missing person case.
Lucinda accused the police of harassment, claiming that they unfairly targeted her as a suspect in her husband’s disappearance. Members of the St. Louis-based Universal African People’s Organization joined Lucinda’s family and friends in gathering in front of Lucinda’s former home to provide moral support and call attention to what they described as "police harassment." Representatives of the group later met with Mayor Waymond Morris and Owensboro Police Chief John Kazlauskas.
Morris told the media that he had a “very cordial conversation” with the group, although he dismissed the accusations of harassment as unfounded.
“I just listened to what they said, and I told them I’d look into it,” Morris recalled. “They said they wanted me to look into possible harassment. I think they feel like that maybe on several different occasions the police department has been overaggressive in searching.”
Police excluded Lucinda as a suspect in her husband's disappearance after the search in 2002. She has always maintained her innocence and continues to search for answers in his case.
Racism
While researching this case, I came across an online forum page for Owensboro where residents apparently discuss community issues (in reality it seems to be used to gossip/harass people). One of the posts, created a month ago, concerns Robbin’s nephew who still lives in the town and reads:
“I wonder if that loud mouth n***** still works at Hunter Douglas, I quit because I got sick of listening to his loud mouth, he is one worthless n*****!!!”
Obviously this is an anonymous comment posted online so it has to be taken with a grain of salt but the fact that the poster uses the n-word (which appears uncensored in the original post) is noteworthy. While Robbin’s social circle was small, the Slaughter family was well-known in Owensboro. Kitty Board was (and still is) heavily involved in the West End community and openly spoke out against the gun violence plaguing the neighborhood. In fact, Board was quoted extensively in the local newspaper four months prior to her brother's disappearance in an article about illegal firearms.
The Owensboro police have also been accused of racial profiling and police brutality. The town has quite the storied legacy when it comes to questionable law enforcement tactics. In 1968, after a young black man named Jerry Brown was shot and killed at a local white-owned nightclub, protests broke out in “the Negro West End” of the city. 20 people were arrested. Then Mayor Irvin Terrill pledged to “dissolve the militant influence” which he claimed was behind the violent outbreak, namely, the “Negro gangs.” Police Chief Vernie Bidwell doubled down on the mayor’s threat, warning that the police were “tired” of being cursed by “young punks” and would crack down.
Mayor Waymond Morris came under fire in 2000 for his lackluster response to protests over the fatal shooting of Tyrone Clayton Jr. Clayton was shot twice by Owensboro Police Officer Lorhn Frazier after he was pulled over for reckless driving. The Mayor sent a letter to NAACP attorney Evan Taylor to inform the group that he would no longer be meeting with them at city hall.
Accidental death?
There are hundreds of acres of farmland just 100 feet from the convenience store which one could ostensibly get lost in easily especially at night. The issue with this theory is that Slaughter disappeared in mid-November, which is after fall planting season. The fact that the field would have been recently plowed coupled with the flat terrain of the area would make it exceedingly difficult for someone to get lost.
Satellite images show a small retention pond on this nearby farm located roughly 730 feet from intersection near Franey’s which could most easily be reached by walking parallel to the rear of the houses on Carter Road. The pond is bound by fields on three sides so it is possible that Slaughter wasn’t able to see it if he was walking in the dark. From what I was able to find out, the catch basin was created in 1987 by the local government to reduce flash flooding on Carter Road, so it would have been there at the time of Slaughter’s disappearance.
Most retention ponds have a depth of 4-6 feet so if the water level was high, Slaughter (who was 5’ 7”) may not have been able to stand. If Slaughter didn’t know how to swim, it’s possible that he fell in and struggled to get his bearings on the thick layer of sediment on the bottom of the pond and drowned. Since his lungs would have filled with water, his body would have sunk to the bottom of the pond and subsequently covered by sediment. Retention ponds are typically dredged every 5-10 years, however, so if Slaughter’s body was there, I would assume that some of his remains would have been discovered. Also, because the retention pond appears to be owned by the city itself, they presumably would be able to search it without a warrant.
Questions
I honestly have nothing but questions about this case.
  1. Did police ever search the area around Franey's food mart? From what I can tell, they only searched Lucinda's property. If they didn't search the area––why not? Did the police take the case seriously from the beginning?
  2. Given the fact that Slaughter's mother had power of attorney over his finances until he was in his 30s and he didn't drive, it seems highly unlikely that he could have disappeared on his own (although he has no motive to run away). The only scenario in which a voluntary disappearance makes sense to me is if Slaughter met someone and the two planned on starting a new life together somewhere else. But who?
  3. As far as I know, Lucinda was eliminated as a suspect after the searches in 2002 leaving the police with zero other leads. Was this a random crime of opportunity and Slaughter just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time? Could he have seen something he shouldn't have and been kidnapped and killed in retaliation?
There are no unidentified persons on NAMUS matching Slaughter's description except one. In 1999, a furnace installer in Cleveland was attempting to clear a blockage in the chimney when he discovered what appeared to be human remains. The partial remains were later identified as those of a black male, age 37-47 (Slaughter disappeared nine days before his 37th birthday), who died "by violence of undetermined origin." The unidentified man was 5'7" (same height) and had died sometime between 1900 and 1999.
Here is a side-by-side comparison of the two.
The only things that don't line up are the location and the clothing found on the body. John Doe was found in a chimney in Cleveland, OH––a 7-hour drive from Owensboro, KY. Slaughter didn't drive and he had never left the state so if this were him, he must have been taken to Cleveland alive and then killed at some point (but why drive someone 7 hours away?). John Doe's clothing also doesn't match the description of when Slaughter was last seen, although if he was taken so far away he might have changed clothes.
EDIT: Thanks so much everyone for taking the time to read about this case and for kind words––Robbin's disappearance is very confusing and troubling (as well as basically unreported outside of Owensboro) so I'm happy that more people can learn about his story!
EDIT 2: I submitted Robbin as a potential match for the Cleveland John Doe and will post an update if I hear back.
EDIT 3 (11/3): The NAMUS regional program officer just responded to my submission of a potential match and it has been forwarded to both investigating agencies for future DNA comparison of Robbin and the Cleveland John Doe.
Sources
Joy Campbell, “Search for body comes up empty: Police follow up on new information in 9-year-old case of missing man,” Owensboro Messenger-Inquirer, September 9, 2002, pg. 1-2A. [part 1, part 2]
Matthew Francis, “Protest by civil rights activists will not be heard by city officials,” Owensboro Messenger-Inquirer, November 30, 2000, pg. 3.
Dan Heckel, “Case leaves family in limbo: Probe of man’s 1993 disappearance has gone nowhere,” Owensboro Messenger-Inquirer, November 17, 1996, pg. 1-2A. [part 1, part 2]
––– “Family’s hoping for safe return of missing man,” Owensboro Messenger-Inquirer, February 14, 1994, pg. 1-2A. [part 1, part 2]
Stewart Jennison, “Buses coming to town: Daily trips will link Owensboro with Evansville,” Owensboro Messenger-Inquirer, May 16, 1992, pg. 9.
James Mayse, “Unfinished Business,” Owensboro Messenger-Inquirer, April 20, 2015, pg. A1.
Tracy McQueen, “Mayoral candidates agree: Police morale needs improvement,” Owensboro Messenger-Inquirer, October 31, 1995, pg. 1.
––– “Police Chief Embry to retire: Announcement brings 40-year career to close,” Owensboro Messenger-Inquirer, May 7, 1992, pg. 1.
Police looking for missing 36-year-old man,” Owensboro Messenger-Inquirer, November 18, 1993, pg. 21.
Justin Willis, “Police call off second search of yard: Effort to locate missing man for 9 years continues,” Owensboro Messenger-Inquirer, September 13, 2002, pg. 1-2A. [part 1, part. 2]
––– “St. Louis group extends support in investigation of missing man: Organization claims police harassing woman whose 1st husband disappeared,” Owensboro Messenger-Inquirer, October 30, 2002, pg. 1-2A. [part 1, part 2]
––– "Woman: Police causing ‘heartaches and harm,’” Owensboro Messenger-Inquirer, October 4, 2002, pg. 1-2A. [part 1, part 2]
submitted by colorcodedcards to UnresolvedMysteries [link] [comments]


2020.11.07 21:48 Quirky-Motor EXTENSIVE write up and timeline of the 1951 case of the missing child Beverly Rose Potts from Cleveland, Ohio. How can a child disappear in a distance of only 300 feet? Part 1 of 2

The disappearance of Beverly Potts
Description
Background
Beverly Rose Potts was born to Robert and Elizabeth Potts in 1941 in Cleveland, Ohio. Robert worked as a stage hand at a theater and Elizabeth was a dancer and singer. Robert was an American while his wife, Elizabeth was an immigrant from Hungary. In the early 1900s Cleveland boasted the largest Hungarian population in the world outside of Budapest and many families such as the Potts, were of Eastern European descent. Poles, Lithuanians, and Hungarians made up a large percentage of Cleveland’s population. In 1924, Robert and Elizabeth met at work and married at age 24. After nearly five years of marriage, the couple gave birth to their daughter, Anita, in 1929 and bought a home on Linnet Avenue near Halloran park on Cleveland’s west side. Throughout the 1930s, many family members moved in and out of the Potts’ home as everyone tried to stay afloat until better days (Badal, 2005).
In 1941 when Anita was twelve years old, the Elizabeth and Robert, now aged 41, found out that they were going to be parents yet again. But rather than fret, the Potts welcomed this new addition to the family and rather than referring to Beverly as a surprise, a mistake, unplanned or an “oops baby” Elizabeth always corrected others and said that Beverly “wasn’t an oops baby, she was a miracle child” (Badal, 2005).
By 1951 the miracle baby Beverly was 10 years old and was due to start 5th grade in September. At this point the house of Linnet Avenue was home to only five people, the parents, one cousin of Elizabeth’s named Betty Morbito, Beverly, and Anita who had recently graduated college and moved back home only weeks before. Anita was working at a cash register company, Elizabeth was staying home, and Robert was still working at the theater.
According to papers at the time, that weekend was nothing out of the ordinary. The Potts family had an outing planned for August 25th. They were going to have a picnic at Euclid beach park. Beverly was excited for the outing and had declined a party invitation because of the plans with her family. Although the papers widely reported this family outing, Anita does not remember this being the plan and thinks the reports in the papers were simply a mix-up or a mistake (Badal, 1951). Whether or not this outing was planned, reports all agree that Beverly had no reason to run away from home on August 24th 1951.
The Disappearance
On Friday, August 24th Beverly and her best friend, next door neighbor Patricia “Patsy” Swing, planned on going to Halloran Park to attend a Showagon. A Showagon is an old-fashioned type of festival which was usually put on by parks departments in large cities. Showagon is similar to a talent show. Local kids and teens could audition to do a piece for the Showagon and the winners would go to a different park in the city each weekend and put on a show for local residents. The acts were things like singing, dancing, and or playing an instrument. As far as I can tell, there are no rides or vendors, just local talent entertaining their neighbors.
Halloran park near Beverly’s home was well established and old trees graced the area. However, this vegetation made the park pitch black at night and lampposts were unable to pierce the darkness completely. During the daytime Halloran park served an approximately 100,000 youngsters but at night it attracted transients to its benches. Empty wine bottles and smoked cigarettes could be found strewn about the grounds nearly every morning. Additionally, at least two “sex attacks” had happened in the park in the months leading up the Showagon, as well as a few instances of things like groping which had been reported to the police.
Before we go on, I think it is important to get a better picture of Beverly. Beverly was thought to be a rather quiet, shy, and obedient girl according to both teachers and family members. Neighbors trusted Beverly to babysit their little children, and one woman reported that Beverly even walked her daughter to Kindergarten every day. These parents described Beverly as responsible and cautious. Her parents said she was shy around new people, especially boys and men. Elizabeth said she had told Beverly extensively about the dangers of unknown men and cautioned her about getting into cars with others. She reminded her daughter to be careful if she noticed someone was following her. On at least one occasion Beverly had fled from someone she thought was following her in the neighborhood and returned home promptly. Her friends at school said she had one crush on a boy in the grade but she was too shy and nervous to ever talk to him.
All this to say, Beverly seemed to be aware of “stranger-danger” and was at least taught to be aware of her surroundings. According to Anita, the Potts never hit their children and instead grounded them for misbehavior. Only a few days before her disappearance, Beverly had missed her curfew several days in a row and was subsequently grounded. Elizabeth revealed this was a common issue for Beverly. For example, if Elizabeth reminded her to come home at 3 pm because they had company, Beverly would stay out much later, 5 or 6 pm and say she had lost track of time. It did does not appear that Beverly would stay away from home at night or that Potts would allow her to stay out late. Typically, they expected Beverly home before dark. Besides this, the Potts reported that Beverly had no behavior problems and had never run away from home.
On August 24th, Beverly who was grounded, asked to attend the Showagon at Halloran park, a mere 1/8th mile from her home. Elizabeth allowed her to go as she knew it was a special event that only happened once a year. The edge of the park was close to Potts’ home but at 13 acres, the area spanned three city blocks and it appears that the actual show was farther away from Linnet avenue than is generally assumed, about ¼ to 1/2 of a mile. In order to get back home from the Showagon, Beverly would have had to have traveled northeast through the park, crossed West 117th street and then walked down Linnet Avenue.
A little before 7 pm Beverly and her mother finished washing dishes and the adults sat down to watch a Major League baseball game on TV. Beverly went next door to get her friend Patsy and the girls rode their bikes to Halloran park a little after 7 pm. By 7:30 pm the park was so crowded that the girls decided that navigating their bikes through the crowd was too difficult, so they rode their bikes home and opted to walk back to the festival. Later reports estimate that approximately 1,500 people were in the park that evening.
By 8:10 pm the friends were back at the park and watching the show. When darkness began to creep over the horizon, Patsy who was supposed to be home by dark, asked Beverly to leave. The girls got into a small tiff and Beverly insisted that she was allowed to stay until the end of the show. At approximately 8:40 pm Patsy left the show and later said Beverly was mesmerized watching some dancers on stage when she last saw her. (This story would later change some but her initial story was simply Beverly was watching dancers on stage.) Patsy arrived home at little before 9 pm.
At around 9:30 pm to 9:45 pm the show had ended and people were leaving the Showagon in mass. The Potts assumed Beverly would be home soon. When she did not arrive within a few minutes, Anita called the Swings who reported that Patsy had been home more than 30 minutes. Robert fetched the neighbors and began looking all over the park for Beverly. When they arrived Halloran park was nearly empty. After an hour of futile searching, the Potts called the Cleveland police department at least three times. The police finally arrived later at around midnight. Their first order of business was to search the Potts home from top to bottom, which they did twice before searching the neighborhood and the park, but there was no sign of Beverly (Missing in Ohio, 2019).
The next few days tips poured into the police department and newspapers as witnesses reported sightings of Beverly and recollections about the night in question. A few of the more promising leads and sightings are detailed below.
Sightings
The two most talked about sightings online are the witness reports of Patsy Swing and another boy named Fred Krause. Initially, Patsy reported that Beverly was watching the dancers on stage when she left, however, in the subsequent months and years Patsy was interviewed and reinterviewed by law enforcement. In these sessions she often felt pressure to remember new things from the evening, so it is important to take Patsy’s thoughts with a grain of salt. Most online sources about the case report that when Patsy left the show, she turned back to see Beverly, who was standing near a short plump woman who was resting a hand on Beverly’s shoulder. In one account this short woman was holding the hand of a small child. The woman may have had a child performing in the Showagon. This is widely reported but this is not the story Patsy initially divulged. This is an odd memory for two reasons. First, Patsy did not remember this for some time and did not report it in her first few interviews. Additionally, Patsy said she and Beverly were straining to see over the other guests, so their placement in the crowd is an odd place for a short woman to choose unless of course her intentions were bad. Because of these reasons this memory has to be taken with a grain of salt (Badal, 2005).
The next credible sighting of Beverly took place at approximately 9:30-9:45 pm by a boy named Fred Krause. Krause was a 13-year-old boy who lived on Linnet avenue and was slightly acquainted with Beverly. He explained in interviews that he did not know Beverly’s name but he recognized her as neighbor because he delivered newspapers and he vaguely remembered that one girl on the street and at his school who “walked like a duck.” He spent the evening riding his bike through the park while his father watched the Showagon. His mother watched from the porch of their home and saw her son several times throughout the evening. At approximately 9:40 or 9:45, there was an announcement that the show was over and attendees began filing out of the park. Without the lights of the stage on, it was miserably dark. As Fred began peddling out of the area, he almost collided with a young girl who was walking northeast out of the park near the intersection of West 117th and Linnet Avenue. This girl was about 150 feet from the cross walk. Fred said this girl was walking “like a duck” and it was so dark he almost hit her when he drove by. He explained that the girl was not walking on the path like most of the guests and was instead a few feet away from the walkway on the grass. He had to toot his horn or bell as he passed her. More than a week later Fred mentioned this to his mother who insisted that he go to the police. In this witness sighting, Beverly was among a throng of people exiting the park and although it was dark, she was not alone or in an isolated area. This sighting is regarded by many to be the last confirmed sighting of Beverly Potts (Badal, 2005).
Showagon attendees were encouraged to call the CPD to report if they saw Beverly that night in order to give statements and eventually twenty-five people came forward to say their piece. One witness, Mr. Vorell was at the Showagon with his children when he observed at dark colored coup with a man in his 50s inside who was cruising the area and watching young kids, mostly girls from his car (Badal, 2005).
Several witnesses reported seeing two young men aged 17-20 watching very young girls in the park at about 7-8 pm. The men were on foot. One man had thick, dark, wavy hair and the other was a blonde. Three additional Showagon guests reported seeing a girl matching Beverly’s description talking to two men matching this description while they were in a car, a dark green or black 1937 or ’38 dodge coup. These sightings were in between 9:15- 9:30 pm. No one saw Beverly enter the car, she was simply seen talking to the men. One person placed this event at 8:30 pm although most witnesses remembered it being between 9:15-9:30 pm (Badal, 2005).
One crowd member reportedly saw Beverly playing near the back door of a convertible car as late as 10 pm, but other guests reported that by 10, the park was completely deserted. Several people had to walk to the park around 10 pm to fetch their children who had not returned home from the show but none of them reported seeing anything suspicious and all reported that the park was steeped in darkness and empty when they arrived there at 10. Due to these sightings it is widely assumed that Beverly met with foul either right after the Krause’s sighting or while she was already on Linnet avenue mere yards from her home. Others have speculated that Beverly entered the car of someone she knew or trusted on either 117th St. or on Linnet Ave. Law enforcement believes that this is the most probable scenario as no one reported hearing screams or a struggle (Badal, 2005).
Other witnesses came forward with different stories. Cab driver Robert Karmecy divulged that he picked up two customers at the edge of Halloran park that night at about 9 pm. One customer was a Polish looking man 25-30 years old. His companion was a girl who looked to be around eleven. Karmecy dropped the pair off at the bus station and went on his way. He reported the story to the police soon afterwards (Badal, 2005).
Cleveland police also interviewed Beverly’s classmates when school returned to session. The children interviewed gave a variety of stories, most involved seeing Beverly talking to people at the Showagon or getting into strange cars. Although a few classmates had small tidbits of information, such as seeing Beverly and Patsy and waving to them, no important information was gathered and most of the sightings reported by Beverly’s school mates were determined to be false. Nearly all the interviewed children recanted their stories within a few days and the school yard dragnet was exposed as a bust (Badal, 2005).
Investigation and leads
Robert and Elizabeth were devasted by the disappearance of their daughter. Press and curious onlookers swarmed the yard of the Linnet Avenue home for weeks. Elizabeth cried constantly and could not eat or sleep. Robert, who typically worked the night shift, was eyed suspiciously as neighbors reported that they didn’t really know him. Rumors swirled that he was an alcoholic, abusive, or even simply mysterious. Some papers published that Robert had multiple DUIs and speculated that maybe he did something to his daughter. However, police reports showed that Robert had no DUIs. His only run in with law enforcement was a ticket he received for doing an illegal left turn years earlier. Eventually, all four adults in the home were cleared by police in Beverly’s disappearance; they all had alibis. Patsy Swing’s parents were also cleared, as the two were watching the baseball game with neighbors.
Eventually, the Potts phone had to be disconnected as cruel prank calls plagued the home during all hours of the night. Elizabeth lamented to the papers that she did not do enough to protect Beverly. She wished again and again that she had taught Beverly to be cautious around women and became convinced that Beverly was lured away by a woman or couple- a theory which is prevalent to this day. In those days Anita ran the household and tried to helpful but the situation was just too much to bear (Badal, 2005).
At 2 or 3 pm on September 4th only ten days after Beverly’s disappearance, a factory worker was taking a break at his workplace which overlooked the Cuyahoga River when he saw a bundle about 5 feet long, float down the sluggish water way. The more he looked at the bundle the more it looked like human body wrapped in a tarp, with arms, hair, and feet sticking out of the tarp covering. The man immediately called the police. The river was dragged, divers were deployed, and witness were interviewed. Several people down river reported that they too had seen the bundle that day, September 4th. After two days of no findings it was determined that the bundle, whatever it was, had most likely floated into the vastness of Lake Erie, never to be seen again.
Three weeks after Beverly’s disappearance police asked to search each home on Linnet avenue in an attempt to find clues. At that time many homes had dirt floored garages and storage areas leading LE to speculate that Beverly may have been lured into someone’s home and subsequently buried on the property. No evidence was found. Moreover, no single household refused the search; all households complied with the search request. Meanwhile, the Potts completed a thorough inventory Beverly’s closet and things in order to narrow down what Beverly’s wearing and carrying at the time of her disappearance. This is why such a detailed description can be provided in this case.
After a week or so of futile searching for the girl, area sex offenders were interviewed. Even in the early 1950s sex offenders had to be registered and police departments kept track of their addresses. The offenders were categorized by gender and age of their victims and many sex offenders in the area were questioned. However, sometimes these predators were re-arrested and never taken off the list, meaning many of the 1,100 Cleveland offenders were actually in jail for other offenses when police came knocking. Unfortunately, nothing came of this line of inquiry. Meanwhile, wooded areas and bodies of water near the Potts’ home were scoured but no trace of Beverly was ever found.
A month or so later, on October 9th, a fisherman was fishing in the Rocky River when he caught a piece of red cloth on his hook. He untangled the fabric, put it on the shore and continued with his day. The fisherman went home that evening, but later remembered that that Beverly was last seen in a pink/red top and red underwear. With this realization he called investigators. From October 9th-11th the Rocky River, which was only 10 feet deep, was searched with boats and divers. A piece of blue cloth about 8 inches long was found as well as a clump of hair attached to a soggy substance. Both pieces were taken to be tested. The cloth was later determined to be a fabric from a bathing suit, not jeans like Beverly was wearing. No red cloth was found and the hair was dark brown not blonde like Beverly’s. Additionally, the soggy substance it was attached to was nothing more than waterlogged cardboard. By October 11th, the CPD announced that the they had no reason to believe that Beverly’s body was or had been in the Rocky River.
On November 9th, a mysterious person called Robert Potts work and demanded to know why the Potts phone number was no longer working. Then the caller made a ransom demand, but only if the Potts home number was reinstated. The phone was reconnected and several days later and man called the home and set up a money drop, promising to release Beverly in exchange for $25,000 dollars. He claimed that Beverly was very sick but he promised she was still alive. A few days later, a male detective dressed up like Elizabeth, who herself was almost 6 feet tall, prepared to do the money drop in exchange for Beverly, but the kidnapper sensed the trap and tried to flee the area. When apprehended Frank Dale Davis admitted he was an opportunist who needed cash to pay off his debts. Davis was convicted of fraud and was sentenced to five years in prison. Subsequent investigation showed he had nothing to do with Beverly’s disappearance.
One month after the bizarre ransom request, an even stranger incident occurred. In late November a man who called himself Tom, phoned Lester Swing and claimed that he had Beverly. Tom claimed that he had hit Beverly with his car in August. Thinking she was dead he put her in the car to dispose of the body, but it turned out that Beverly was simply stunned and now had a bad case of amnesia. Tom explained to Lester that he would release Beverly in downtown Cleveland, but only if Lester dressed Patsy in the same clothes as Beverly was last seen in and had her stand at the magazine counter of the May Company department store on Dec. 1st from 3-5 pm. However, Tom wanted Patsy to wear a denim skirt not a denim pants. The Swings reported the incident to the police. Lester refused to let Patsy participate in the stunt so a decoy was used and nothing happened. Tom called the Swings later and explained that he did not like the use of a decoy and set up a new time two weeks later. After a lot of convincing the Swings allowed Patsy to be part of the sting. On Dec. 15th while Pasty braved the store alone, police descended on a man lurking in the area watching the young girl. Stephen Tyukody admitted to making the phone calls to the Swings but had no explanation as to why. Tyukody was cleared of any involvement in Beverly’s case.
In late 1951, one man claimed that on August 24th, he saw a car near Halloran park with a screaming girl tied up in the back seat. The car was cruising down west 117th. Police checked out his lead by tracking down each individual with a car like the man described but nothing panned out and the lead was later determined to be false. Several clairvoyants also contacted the police but their stories likewise, were useless. As 1951 came to a close, no one had any idea what had happened to 10-year-old Beverly Potts.
Suspects
Throughout the case a variety of people have been looked at as potential persons of interest. Here are some of the more prominent suspects.
William Slates: Four days after Beverly’s disappearance the papers announced that police had a suspect, a Cleveland native referred to as Bill. This Bill was William Slates, a former solider who had been dishonorably discharged in 1949 after making sexual advances to an 8-year-old girl in movie theater. Family members related that Slates had a history of dating very young teens and according to army psychologists he was in a severe need of psychotherapy treatment. In 1951 Slates, on probation for his crime, was living with his mother on 166th St. near Halloran park. In late August, Slates’ mother was on vacation and he was at the home alone. At the time he was seeing a 17-year-old telephone operator and was working odd jobs. On Sunday August 26th, Slates borrowed a friend’s car, locked up his mother’s Cleveland home, drove to Columbus, and checked into a hotel using a false identity, all for apparently no reason. Friends reported his absence to police who tracked him to Columbus via phone calls to his girlfriend. Slates could give no explanation for leaving Cleveland so abruptly. He was interviewed repeatedly and failed several polygraphs. After a week or so of being the prime suspect in the case, Slates’ girlfriend came forward and provided him with an alibi, claiming they were making out at a park at the time of Beverly’s disappearance. One of Slates’ friends also claimed he was with Slates’ that evening but a third friend said that they were altogether on a different day, not the 24th. Discrepancies aside, Slates was released from custody and was eliminated as a suspect. Modern sleuths have questioned the validity of this alibi, but Cleveland police seemed to think it valid at the time (Badal, 2005).
Speed queen: Less than a week following Beverly’s disappearance rumors swirled that a local “speed queen” and her friends were responsible for Beverly’s demise. Modern connotations aside, in the 1950s a speed queen was not a drug user, but rather a term used for girls/women who drove hot rods or sports cars. According to a couple who were friends with this “speed queen” on the night Beverly was last seen a local teenager and hot-roder Barbara Saunders, loaned her car to her boyfriend’s brother and some of his friends. That evening at around 10 pm the boys called Barbara and explained that they had to abandon the car because they had gotten into an accident on West 117th St. and the car was “hot”. When Barbara retrieved the car the next day from a wooded area, she reported that there was some blood on the bumper as well as a few strands of cloth. On the 31st of August CPD decided to conduct a dig in the area the car was abandoned to search for clues as well as graves. However, no evidence was found during the multiday search. Saunders’ car was also searched a few strands of blonde hair were found stuck in the door hinge which were collected as evidence.
Over all the investigators found the “speed queen” story to be unlikely. Not only was the whole story sensational, west 117th is a main thoroughfare in Cleveland, and many found it ludicrous that someone could hit a child on such as busy road without anyone seeing anything, especially as hundreds of fans left the Showagon and crossed that very street. The only reason investigators looked into this story was because the car and men from the story vaguely matched the description of the two young men seen talking a girl who looked like Beverly at the Showagon that evening. The hair collected from the car has since been lost and was never forensically tested (Badal, 2005).
Harvey Lee Rush was a Cleveland native who had lived a hard and fast life. He looked older than his forty-something years and had been drifting around the United States for about three years in 1955 when he was picked up in Los Angeles for public intoxication. Rush had nearly 100 arrests in his life mostly for petty crimes like public intoxication and bar fights. Rush used all the money he made as a hospital cleaner on booze. However, on this day in 1955, Rush had an extraordinary story to tell. He claimed that in July 1952, he had abducted and killed a girl in Cleveland. Rush explained that one day while he was at a circus or puppet show in Cleveland, he lured a young girl, aged about 12 away from the show with the promise of candy. He and the girl went under a nearby bridge and he promised to give her ice cream, but instead he told her to disrobe. Then the girl started to cry, Rush punched her knocking her out and she landed on some rocks which apparently killed her. Harvey described the girl as aged about 12, with shoulder length dark hair and glasses.
The next day the dried-out suspect was able to write a three-page confession and officers relayed the story to their counterparts in Cleveland. Rush’s story was full of holes and discrepancies; he couldn’t even remember the correct year. Neither agency believed that the story was genuine but they decided to not take that chance and Rush was extradited back to Ohio. Investigators thought it was suspicious that Rush’s description of the puppet show and the girl he abducted seemed to match incorrect newspaper reports rather than truth. In Beverly’s black and white photo, she looks older than 10, her hair is longer and appears dark. Additionally, one newspaper reported that there was a puppet show at the Showagon, but this was a simply misprint. Moreover, Harvey was unable to show officers where he took the girl and insisted that there was a bridge near the park that simply wasn’t there. After a few days, Rush recanted his story and explained he simply wanted a free trip back to his home town of Cleveland. Rush was eliminated as a suspect (Badal, 2005).
William Henry Redmond is another suspect often mentioned in this case. Redmond was a Ferris wheel operator who lived all across the country on account of his job, but Ohio and Pennsylvania were his usual haunts. Redmond had a history of perpetrating brutally violent sex crimes starting when he was only 13 years old. In the 1930s Redmond was convicted of sexual assaults on two separate occasions and sent to prison. In the 1940s he was accused of additional charges of a similar nature in Florida.
In 1951 Jane Marie Althoff was 8 years old and was attending a carnival with two of her siblings. Althoff disappeared at the carnival and was last seen whispering to the Ferris wheel operator, William Redmond. When police went to question Redmond the next day, he had fled the area without even picking up his paycheck. Sadly, Althoff was found strangled a few hours later, in an abandoned truck covered with Redmond’s fingerprints. With the prime suspect missing, the case grew cold.
In 1988 investigators in Pennsylvania decided to once more look for Redmond and found him living in Nebraska. They arrested the now frail old man and took him all the way back to Pennsylvania for trial. Redmond confessed and allegedly told a cell mate that he had killed three other girls. Due to some technicalities, Redmond was not tried for years. He passed away in 1992 awaiting trial.
ViCap, AFIS, and DMV records linked Redmond to certain murders around the county by comparing crimes featuring his MO to DMV records. He is a suspect in the case of Connie Smith age 10 in 1952 in Connecticut, although some agencies say he passed a polygraph regarding that case. Redmond is considered a suspect in the 1957 case of 7-year-old Maria Ridulph, and the 1955 case of 7-year-old Barbara Gaca of Detroit. Joanne Lynn, aged 11, was found shot in Lima, New York in 1949. Redmond was working at a carnival only a few miles from Joanne’s home. One blog alleges that when Redmond was arrested, underwear of pre-teen girls was found in his home (Hunter, 2017).
Redmond specifically refused to confirm or deny involvement in the case of Beverly Potts. Closer scrutiny of this suspect does not exonerate him of the crime completely, but there is no evidence Redmond was even in the state of Ohio at the time of Beverly’s disappearance and no other evidence connects him to this crime. Furthermore, Beverly was much older than Redmond’s confirmed victims, the oldest of whom was 8 years old. For some reason, online sleuths often portray William Henry Redmond as the most probable suspect despite very limited evidence and no proof that he was even in the area at the time (Badal, 2005).
Odd Occurrences and possible evidence
The auto-body tip In 1980 one retired Cleveland detective announced that he had solved the case in 1974. In the early 70s, a man called in a tip to the CPD claiming that his brother had confessed to Beverly’s murder. The brother’s auto body shop was searched and dug up but nothing of note was found. According to one detective, this suspect had a record of molesting young girls in and around Halloran park. The detective even claims that this suspect confessed to him. Despite this information, the DA refused to prosecute due to lack of evidence. Other police sources claim this story is not accurate and have only confirmed that the auto body dig was a bust. No official sources have corroborated the retired detective’s story (Badal, 2005).
Letter in carpet In 1994 a letter was discovered under the carpet in a Cleveland home. The letter was written by a woman who claimed that she witnessed her husband disposing of Beverly’s body in their furnace. When tracked down the woman admitted that in 1960 around the time she was divorcing her husband, she had written and hid the letter as revenge against her abusive ex, but the contents of the letter were fabricated by herself. The woman’s children backed up her story. According to the women’s children, their father (now dead) had a temper and was somewhat abusive, but they did not think he was capable of murder and there was no evidence he was involved in the disappearance of Beverly Potts (Badal, 2005).
Letters sent to paper A huge break in the case happened in April 2000, when a Cleveland newspaper, The Plain Dealer, received a letter that confessed to the murder of Beverly Potts. They forwarded the letter to the police. Throughout the course of the next year and a half, four letters were sent to the Plain Dealer. The letters were analyzed and determined to be all written by the same author, who was likely old and infirm. The author’s handwriting became more cramped and shakier throughout the year. The DNA analysis showed that the writer was male and the stamps he used were sold one year earlier at only two banks. Fingerprint analysis determined that the author of the letters did not leave behind any fingerprints showing that he was either very careful or very old. Fingerprint experts explained to the Cleveland Police that many people's skin gets drier when they get older and the elderly are less likely to leave behind fingerprints than other age groups. While there was trace DNA on the flap of the first envelope which indicated that the writer was male, the other envelopes were sealed with tape most likely as to not leave any DNA.
The writer added details which proved he was at least familiar with the area around Halloran park and Linnet Avenue, leading investigators to believe that he was indeed a local and probably still lived in Cleveland. But the writer also made several errors which damped investigators enthusiasm. The writer claimed that he still had a 1916 quarter that Beverly was carrying with her on the night she disappeared, an odd detail as reports claimed Beverly had left all her money at home when she left for the Showagon, but still the tip had to be thoroughly examined.
The author also alleged that he wrote a confession letter to the coroner in 1967 and asked for a plea deal, but no such letter could be found. Although the coroner from the 1960s, Sam Gerber, was dead those who worked with him denied there was any letter written to him or the office that had amounted to a confession. Gerber’s files were looked through and nothing was found. Likewise, the DA from the time was interviewed and reported that he had heard nothing of such a letter or confession in the 1960s. Furthermore, no one thought the DA or the coroner at the time would have sat on such an important information without telling anyone.
The writer left several other clues as to his identity. He claimed that he was in his 80s, making him in his thirties when he had kidnapped Beverly. He also claimed he was old and sick. His body was racked with cancer, diabetes, and arthritis and the doctor had given him only about a year to live. The old man also claimed that he was going to be buried in Riverside Cemetery, and that he had left a letter with his lawyer that was to be opened and sent to the police upon his death. He mentioned nothing about the lawyer except that he referred to her as “she.”
After a few months without correspondence, the police asked the Plain Dealer to write an article appealing to the writer of the letters. They wanted the letter author to know that due to his age and poor health, he would most likely not be sentenced to prison but rather into a secured assisted living facility if he were to come forward.
In move that surprised everyone, the letter writer wrote back on April 16th and claimed that he would turn himself in on August 24th 2001, the 50th anniversary of the disappearance of Beverly Potts. He would turn himself in at Halloran Park, but he wanted Brent Larkin, the journalist at the Plain Dealer, to be there as well. He claimed that he would come to Halloran Park to turn himself in if he was still living at that time. The penmanship of the third letter was incredibly cramped and even more illegible than the others. Handwriting experts said it was clear that the man was deteriorating in health.
On August 7th 2000, the mysterious letter writer wrote his fourth and final letter. He explained that he would no longer be able to keep his appointment at Halloran Park as he had to go into a nursing home. The writing on this letter was almost impossible to read having been scribbled with such a shaky hand. Detectives were disappointed, but went to Halloran park on the 50th anniversary just in case the man decided to turn himself in. The elderly man did not show, but investigators continued checking nursing home registries, reading obituaries, cross-checking old suspects who still lived in town. At the end of the day the letters were not able to prove anything and many investigators believe the four letters are nothing more than a hoax. Others believe that they are legitimate. Detective Wolfe of the Cold Case Department thinks it is possible that the letter writer was a retired cop or journalist because he knew so much about Beverly's disappearance, recalling details that only those obsessed with the case would care to remember. While he believes by the letter writer is most likely dead and the letters no more than a cruel prank, he's not willing to dismiss the letters entirely (Badal, 2005).
In 2015 a strange tip was called in anonymously to Cleveland crime stoppers regarding the Potts case. The tip was passed on to investigators who determined the tip was solid. Investigators are asking that this tipster call again either to the FBI, CPD, or even crime stoppers as they believe the tip to be valid and any more information the tipster could reveal could be helpful. As of the writing of this piece the tipster has not yet called back (The Charley Project).
TO BE CONTINUED...
Full list of sources in part 2
http://charleyproject.org/case/beverly-rose-potts
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2020.11.07 20:51 Hitch42 Audio-Drama.com links from November 1 to November 7, 2020

Audio-Drama.com is an online directory of audio drama and spoken word websites, with at least one new link added to it each day. As of this post, there are 5,000 published articles. Here are the newest articles from the previous week:
  1. White Privilege: Radio Play (Full Cast Drama Series) As Black networks pass on hiring light-skinned Black and Jewish reporter, Ashley Allen, ultra-conservative news network, Sly News, can't tell that Ashley's a woman of color. Instead of revealing the truth, Ashley decides to pass as white.
  2. Deep State Dossier (Full Cast Science Fiction Comedy Series) Deep State Dossier is a serialized audio drama that takes a darkly satirical and edgy approach in telling the story of what happens when shadowy individuals in positions of power secretly execute the manipulation of government agenda while keeping the general population in the dark. Covert ops, space aliens, spy-craft, a high body-count, monsters, betrayal, backstabbing, and potentially world-altering stakes are all included for your entertainment pleasure. As a bonus, we threw in some sex. Enjoy.
  3. This is Rage (Full Cast Drama Series) THIS IS RAGE is the story of what happens when you shine a light on the system that allows the rich to become the super-rich and the super-rich to get their own zip codes. As you can imagine, it isn't pretty . . . but it does make for great drama. We have CEOs being kidnapped, Investors dealing unscrupulously, coders turning criminal, counsels breaching confidences, the public spinning conspiracies, and a has-been rediscovering his mojo. We even have a little romance.
  4. The Dr. Epicopolis & 1102 Show of Shows (Full Cast Children's Superhero Series) A meta comedy audio series following supervillain Dr. Epicopolis, the self-proclaimed 'genius of all evil' who plots to destroy Earth's superheroes with his loyal but terribly mistreated slog, 1102.
  5. Last Best Hope (Full Cast Science Fiction Comedy Series) After the intrepid crew of Star Command's soon-to-be most important ship gets lost in Time and Space, it will take all their gusto to find a way back across the Galactic Divide to save the Earth and Humanity itself!
  6. Futile Attempts (At Surviving Tomorrow) (Narrated Comedy Series) Life's rubbish. However artist, comedian and manic depressive Kim Noble has just bought a microphone and he's decided to make a podcast (like every other loser). Over ten episodes, we join Kim on a surreal and hilarious sonic journey. In a podcast unlike anything you've heard before, Kim's quest to discover what makes life worth living takes him to Sting's mansion, down a sewer, underneath a church altar and into the arms of a Hounslow-based cult.
  7. Propaganda! (Full Cast Musical Comedy Series) Rookie doesn't know much about his family business–but then again neither does the American Public. Nevertheless, he is tasked with suddenly leading the secret government agency in charge of covering up all political scandals, and his first assignment is the biggest scandal since watergate! With a clever idea, Rookie must come into his own and fight off the evil Agent X in order to save the bureau and protect the country from ruin! With a score teeming with energetic pop and jazzy elements, brought to life by a Tony Award winning - star studded cast, Propaganda the Podcast Musical is the antidote we need now.
  8. The Mueller Report: A Radio Dramatization (Full Cast Drama Series) I'm Robert Mueller and this is my report. WARNING: Contains explicit language. A lot of it. [...] U.S. Department of Justice Attorney Work Product // May Contain Material Protected Under Fed. R. Crim. P. 6(e)
  9. Bobbo Supreme (Full Cast Comedy Series) President Bobbo Supreme is an infantile, narcissistic lounge singer, game show hosting,, narcoleptic racist; an unhinged id running for reelection and unwilling to cede power if he loses. The billionaire recording artist and leader of the free world is in the final push of his re-election campaign. Tortured by periodic dreams that range from glorious fantasies of his prowess as an athlete to nightmares of utter failure, President Supreme struggles to maintain a grip on reality. As the Election Day gets closer, chaos erupts throughout the country as right wing militias, aligned with the White House, clash with protestors.
  10. Forever And A Day (Full Cast Drama Series) Forever And A Day follows the trials and tribulations of the Harper, Bennett, and Marshall families, as they face life's complexities head-on in the fictional town of Augustus, Illinois. The Harpers and Bennetts are butting heads, as the gubernatorial race in Illinois heats up; and brings with it multiple twists and turns that could end up destroying both families! Meanwhile, the Marshalls face new challenges, as they try to continue their almost outdated formula of how to run their long-standing magazine, The Magnifier. Forever And A Day is about the bonds of humanity and the psychology of modern day, socially relevant topics, that are seen through the many fictional citizens of a bustling, midwest city.
  11. Can You Hear Us? (Full Cast Horror Series) Hello and welcome to Can You Hear Us, an audio drama following several survivors after a mandatory nationwide quarantine is put in place from the government, only for the virus to mutate by unknown means. Causing those infected to turn on those around them. Spreading the virus even more. Before long world leaders surround the united states with warships, forcing isolation.
  12. Between Acts (Full Cast Multigenre Anthology) Between Acts is an immersive audio theater podcast experience. Each biweekly episode sets the stage for your imagination to freely venture through the works of newfound playwrights—from dramas to comedies and everything in-between.
  13. Daughters of DC (Full Cast Thriller Series) At Washington DC's most elite prep school, Jaymes Parker – the tech-savvy daughter of the Speaker of The House – and her best friends Peyton, Natalie, and Celia share their deepest secrets on a private app called DODC. When the girls are hacked by a mysterious figure, they're thrust into a global conspiracy that threatens to expose DC's most influential families.
  14. The World to Come (Full Cast Musical Comedy Series) In a post-apocalyptic world with no internet or electricity, five disparate factions vie for dominance in the city-state of Fiveboro. Each tribe worships at the altar of the bygone pop-culture references of an earlier time, and relishes the stories of film and television they've never actually seen. The Fansci Folk live in a Sci-Fi/Fantasy cosplay kingdom, the Escandalistas invoke the drama of the Telenovelas, The Criterione Collective praises the independent Art Film, the Snookis favor "reality" over fiction and the Hepburners prefer their stories told in black and white. When a powerful figure who calls himself The Cardinal invites the leaders of the factions to his Roost, the announcement he makes threatens to shake Fiveboro to its very core and upend the peaceful detente that has ruled the realm for over a decade.
  15. Anyway, What Else (Full Cast Drama Series) Anyway, What Else? listens in on the lives of four millennials who are approaching breaking point. They have never met, yet they share so much in common. Like reading a diary over the author's shoulder, these audio journals reveal their confessions, anxieties, loves and losses. Is Jess a date-aholic or just serious about love? Is Lucia a star teacher, or does she give too much? Is Jamie pushing away his boyfriend in the pursuit of an unachievable dream? Is Sandy about to explode? Anyway, What Else will have you laughing, cringing and crying.
  16. The People Outside (Full Cast Horror Comedy Series) Welcome to Corby-on-Sea, a typical English seaside town on lock-down. Tune into the community radio station where Stephanie and her callers will be tackling the issues of the day such as: where are all the pets disappearing to, who is that man standing in the street and are the fisherfolk concerned about killer whales?
  17. Trying Again (Narrated Nonfiction Drama Anthology) Trying Again is a story of the usually silent 1 in 4. As well as following real-life stories, Trying Again is an opportunity to discuss topics surrounding miscarriage and baby loss. Topics such as the language and taboo surrounding miscarriage; when is it right to have sex again?; grief and how to say "Good Bye"; mental health issues and exploring the role men have in miscarriage.
  18. Brave New Frontiersman (Full Cast Fantasy Series) Join The Frontiersman in his adventure across the American frontier, a place filled with terrifying monsters, strange magic and opportunists.
  19. The Path Down (Full Cast Science Fiction Series) It's freshman year of college. Vanessa Ortega is a telepath struggling to control her power in more ways than she realizes. Dexter Sullivan is an aspiring animator still reeling from the loss of his parents two years ago. Between Vanessa's telepathy and Dexter's grief, they'll soon learn that they each have to confront their inner demons.
  20. As The Curtain Rises (Full Cast Comedy Series) After the 'Broadway Disher' (Lesli Margherita) leaks news of a top secret, in-the-works, new mega musical, the Broadway community goes off-the-charts batty. Top-of-their-game Broadway Producers Cheryl Philips (Lillias White) and Steve Jones (James Monroe Iglehart), arch enemies, pounce. Who will get the rights? Will way-out-of-their-comfort-zone creators Kaye (Ashley Park) and Bobby (Michael Urie) manage to deliver a draft of the show before their marriage implodes? Will DirectoChoreographer Zoey Taylor (Ariana DeBose) send the show's budget into a free fall with her wildly ambitious vision? Will Broadway Diva Emma-Olivia (Sarah Stiles) get a Schmackery's cookie (with Sprinkles) named in her honor? Will newbie Agent Maxwell Fernsby (George Salazar) step into his new big shoes? And will Science Consultant Andrew Barth Feldman (Andrew Barth Feldman) protect the integrity and authenticity of the in-the-works mega musical, before he needs to leave this top secret show to star in a new Broadway musical?
  21. Killing Time (Full Cast Comedy Series) Absurd and slightly surreal sitcom where strange things happen and we break the 4th wall a lot. It's hard to explain.
  22. Dem Times (Full Cast Drama Series) A trouble maker in high school, Samuel finds himself on a plane heading to Ghana; a different country, needless to say, a different life. His formative years have begun. These are 'DEM TIMES'. The show is in the broader sense, a serialised teen odyssey, set within the closed-off microcosm of Ghanaian boarding school life. At its core, this is a cultural migration; a fish-out-of-water story stemming from an outsider's identity crisis inside the Ghana educational ethos – where the school day begins before sunrise and ends after 9pm, and only after students have finished their homework (assuming chores have been completed too).
  23. West Coast Option (Full Cast Science Fiction Comedy Series) A psychedelic football story presented by Third Eye Sockeye. Week to week we follow the Athens Beach Seafarers as they run their west coast-option offense through the gauntlet of alien abductions, satanic summonings, and crypto cryptids that is community college football.
  24. The Embers of Eden (Full Cast Science Fiction Series) Rival officers Sumner and Hewitt have found themselves trapped inside the mysterious ship which destroyed their own. Finding the truth about its origin may be just as important as staying alive. They'll have to set aside their personal conflict to withstand alien attacks, killer drones, the vacuum of space, and creatures which defy nature. Is the priority to escape or thwart a new danger to all human worlds? What secrets still burn like embers? Each episode of this science fiction adventure switches between the perspectives of Hewitt and Sumner as they fight for survival and answers.
  25. Eden 2 (Narrated Science Fiction Mystery Series) You've got a one-way ticket to Eden 2 — the main headquarters of an up-and-coming natural health company. Pick your poison and follow one of three interactive story paths as you unravel its mysteries.
Feel free to discuss any of these shows or comment about Audio-Drama.com. Note that the website is currently in the process of being redesigned, so some functionality is limited and pages may look different from one another. I always welcome any questions or feedback.
Previous weekly Audio-Drama.com links
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2020.11.01 09:17 BruteSentiment It's been 1 year since Apple TV+ began, and I have watched every one of their shows (except the kids stuff)! Here's my ranking...[No Spoilers]

In one year, Apple TV+ has released a pretty solid slate of original material. Not including children-oriented content, Apple TV+ has released 20 series, 3 miniseries, 9 movies, and 2 talk shows. From the start, Apple has said that the goal of the content is on quality, not quantity. But…has it lived up to that?
34 - Greatness Code - Documentary
Summary: Each episode features a different athlete talking about a key moment in their careers. The show features athletes from many different sports, including basketball’s LeBron James, soccer’s Alex Morgan (sorry…footballer Alex Morgan), snowboarder Shaun White, sprinter Usain Bolt, swimmer Katie Ledecky, surfer Kelly Slater, and (American) footballer Tom Brady (who is a co-producer).
My Take: This is the easy winner for the worst thing on Apple TV+. The only good thing about this “show” is that the episodes are usually no more than 10 minutes long. The monologues by the athletes are…fine. There’s nothing you haven’t really heard before here. The problem is that the special effects take away from actually seeing the athlete in action. Almost every bit of action has some animation or filter or something over it, so we almost never actually see the events being discussed. It’s pretty ridiculous. After watching this, I genuinely wondered if this series was intended to be part of Apple TV+’s children’s offerings, because that is the only level where it could at all seem “great”.
33 - Oprah Talks Covid-19 - News (Miniseries)
Summary: Not long after the COVID-19 pandemic started major lockdowns across the United States, Oprah quickly began to do online interviews with people who she hoped would bring perspective and uplifting messages, from celebrities to pastors to nurses to people who had experienced isolation in prison and the holocaust. This series ran for nearly a month from mid-March to mid-April in 2020.
My Take: One of Oprah’s three series, this one is the lowest ranked just because much of the information within it is out of date, and is aimed at people at a certain time, which was months ago. But in a way, it’s a bit of a time capsule of the early parts of the pandemic in the public eye, which is interesting. It’s almost as interesting to see the production value (or lack there of), as the majority of the episodes are screen recordings of online interviews. It’s perhaps only worth watching now for being a curiosity, but Apple and Oprah did good getting something up in a timely fashion.
32 - Amazing Stories - Adventure
Summary: An anthology series executive produced by Steven Spielberg, the show brings back the “Amazing Stories” brand with five independent stories about incredible adventures that play with sci-fi and fantasy about regular people put in amazing situations.
My Take: Amazing Stories was to be one of Apple TV’s tentpoles for the summer. Unfortunately, the series landed flat, and is by far the biggest disappointment. It’s yet another TV series that original co-Producer Bryan Fuller left. The show was originally to have ten episodes, it ended up with just five. The stories were not very groundbreaking, though they were beautifully shot. It might be worth checking out for Robert Forster’s last project before he died (Dynoman and the Volt), and for the touching “The Heat” about high school runners from Oakland.
31 - Home - Documentary
Summary: As you might imagine, this documentary series is not just about the architecture of a house, but about the people behind building and designing them. Each episode features a different house and story, with houses chosen from around the world, from urban environments like Chicago and Hong Kong to remote locations in Maine and Bali.
My Take: Although cable and streaming is littered with television programs about houses and architecture, this show passes on the drama, which helps Home become a documentary, and not a reality show. The cinematography is predictably beautiful, but the pacing is slow, and it’s very hard to really get into. It doesn’t help that a couple of the home builders behind the stories are honestly not very likable. The final episode of the first season is really good, but ultimately, this show is a bit of a snooze beyond the real enthusiasts.
30 - Dads - Documentary (Movie)
Summary: Directed by Bryce Dallas Howard, this movie looks at fathers across the many levels of fatherhood, anchored by Howard’s own relationship with her father, actodirector Ron Howard, and her grandfather Archie, as well as Bryce’s non-celebrity brother who is an expecting father. The movie shifts to stories about fathers from around the world, and back to the Howards, to celebrate the ever-shifting role of fatherhood in modern society.
My Take: This documentary is a sweet, if simple, tribute to modern fatherhood. There’s nothing special here, it does exactly what you would expect it to. It has cameo interviews from comedian fathers, interspersed with random recordings of fathers from home movies and social media, and stories of fathers in different situations. There’s nothing bad about it, but it’s pretty dry overall. It’s not a waste, but it’ll probably end up being the thing you see in the list and say “Oh, I’ll watch that another time…”, which might as well be next Father’s Day with your dad.
29 - Dear… - Documentary
Summary: A documentary series that details the history and life of various individual celebrities, and uses letters written by people they have affected to frame those celebrities’ impact on people and society.
My Take: Apple has used the advertising method of using letters written to Apple or Tim Cook about how things have changed their lives (particularly the Apple Watch), and in that context this series feels like, well, advertising. Not to take anything away from the celebrities involved, but the marketing push feels very heavy here. And, of course, one of the celebrities featured is Oprah, who is a big presence in ATV+. It also gets absurd with one episode around Big Bird (in character); of course, the Muppets have a spin-off in the kids section of ATV+ called Helpsters. It’s best with the smaller names, where even I learned a little bit. It’s a decent feel-good if that’s what you’re looking for.
28 - Long Way Up - Documentary (Miniseries)
Summary: The third docu-series by Ewan McGregor and his best friend Charley Boorman as they take a long road trip by motorcycle. This trip, they are traveling from the southern tip of South America up to Los Angeles, and are doing it (almost) entirely on electric vehicles. The series highlights both the places they visit along the way, and the travails (and successes) of using these new, custom-made electric motorcycles. (The other two series Long Way Round and Long Way Down have also been added to ATV+, though they are not ‘Apple Originals’.)
My Take: I’ve got to be honest, it’s hard to get into watching others take a road trip. It’s nice enough. The footage is beautiful, as they use everything from GoPro helmet cams to drones to capture the scenery. But the major source of tension here is Range Anxiety, and the biggest drama is in whether or not they can do it all on electric bikes. Still, it’s interesting to see parts of South America many aren’t familiar with, including deserts and the vast Patagonia. And Ewan does seem like someone that would be a great bloke to be mates with. Some people will really enjoy this, I’m just not one of them.
27 - The Elephant Queen - Documentary (Movie)
Summary: Narrated by the soft-spoken Chiwetel Ejiofor, an elephant herd must navigate the climate of the savannah to survive. Led by the matriarch, they must migrate before the dry season hits to stay around water, and then return to their normal grazing land. Along the way, we meet the many other creatures of the savannah and face the changing climates and droughts that get in the way of these pachyderms.
My Take: A documentary much in the style of the old Disney documentaries, the Elephant Queen does a lot of anthropomorphizing its subjects, who range from elephants to dung beetles, and follows them through a difficult season. It is borderline kids-oriented, but adults might enjoy this as well. It’s not afraid to delve into some sad situations, and there is an overriding theme of what happens in droughts that can not be ignored. A sweet film, perhaps a bit saccharine.
26 - Hala - Drama (Movie)
Summary: Hala is a Pakistani-American teenage girl and her trying to balance her family and cultural pressures with being a teen in America. She longs to be out of the pressures of her family’s culture as she interacts with friends and teachers outside of the home. When she does try to act out, she begins to discover more about her family, both discovering secrets and sides she never knew about, as she discovers more about herself.
My Take: Apple TV+’s first fictional feature film release, this coming of age film is never really surprising, but it is a well made film that hits all the right nuances in trying to share Hala’s experience. It’s not a perfect film, as there are some shifts in tone and character that are rather sudden and jarring for the viewer, though all things considered, that’s probably what writedirector Minhal Baig was trying for. The emotions shift quickly and non-family characters disappear quickly, as it’s clear that this is Hala’s story, and not anyone else’s. It’s a solid watch.
25 - Trying - Comedy
Summary: A British couple, Nikki and Jason, have decided to adopt when they have trouble conceiving. They struggle with the truly difficult process of adopting, as well as insecurities about whether or not the two (who could be called slackers) are truly ready to be, or even worthy of being, parents.
My Take: This is a British comedy co-produced by BBC that is about an intensely serious subject. If you know British humor, you know that it will be very intentionally awkward, and this series can definitely hit that mark. While the show is certainly has about its two main characters (Rafe Spall and Esther Smith as the couple), it has a surprisingly large cast of supporting characters, but with only one star most Americans would know (Imelda Staunton as the most unintimidating social worker ever). It’s an interesting concept, and it finds some sweet moments, but not as many funny ones. It’s not bad, but is just okay.
24 - Oprah’s Book Club - Talk Show
Summary: This was the first Oprah show to appear on Apple TV+, serving as a cross-section of Apple services (which advertises Books and Podcasts), and the only one that got to meet the pre-pandemic style of Oprah’s shows. The idea was that Oprah would interview authors and let an audience ask questions. But the series also shows the effects of the pandemic. Once the pandemic hits, the audience is gone, and it becomes direct virtual interviews for a couple of episodes before Apple and Oprah find a way to have a virtual audience.
My Take: I admit, I didn’t read any of the books selected for this list. I still got something out of these shows, but more of an analysis of Oprah than the books. It did show off one of her worst traits, which is how she answers for an interviewee when they were slow to find a point, and she talked over a lot of people. But you could also see her energy change when she had a live audience versus online interviews, and even different with a virtual audience. You could also see her energy change about what books she is passionate about versus those less so. So this wasn’t a waste, but I wasn’t enthusiastic.
23 - Truth Be Told - Drama
Summary: Poppy Parnell (Octavia Spencer) is a true crime podcaster after a successful career as an investigative reporter, but she comes to dwell on the first case that made her famous, where a teenager was put away for murdering his neighbor. Now an adult (played by Aaron Paul), Poppy begins talking with him to see if she made a mistake. Meanwhile, the victim’s family is forced to revisit the crime, including twin daughters (both played by Lizzy Caplan), and Poppy’s family confronts her for supporting Cave, who has joined a white supremacist gang in prison.
My Take: This show has an incredible cast, with Michael Beach, Mekhi Phifer, and Ron Cephas Jones in big supporting roles. Race is an unavoidable part of this story, but so is culture, as Poppy is split between her family’s blue-collar roots in Oakland, and the Silicon Valley lifestyle she now lives with her husband across the bay. The Bay Area setting of this series is a big part of the symbolism. The problem is that the mystery viewers came for was never really important. This would’ve been a good third season of a show, once a status quo for these characters had been found, rather than a confusing first season with lots of subplots.
22 - Central Park - Animation
Summary: Animated by the people behind Bob’s Burgers and created in part by Josh Gad, Central Park is an animated musical. The show revolves around the family of the manager of Central Park (Leslie Odom Jr.), and the villainous hotel owner (Stanley Tucci) who wants to undermine the park to buy it and develop it. Gad plays the busker at the park who serves as the audience’s narrator, and it plays like musical theater, with songs written by a range of artists, including Fiona Apple, Sara Bareilles, Cyndi Lauper, Aimee Mann, Alan Menken and Glenn Slater, and Meghan Trainor, among many others.
My Take: The show is silly, but not always in a funny way. The music is reminiscent of the irreverent nature of Avenue Q, and has some star power behind it, though a lot of the music is just meh. I’m not surprised my favorite song, “Spoiler Alert”, was cowritten by Alan Menken of 90’s Disney musical fame. The story, however, very often deviates from the main thrust of the plot and doesn’t seem like it’s going anywhere at times, as it’s more bothered with the humor in ridiculous situations, like the park manager’s son being obsessed with the villain’s dog Champagne. Ultimately, though, the show is just meh. The humor is fine, the story is barely relevant, and the majority of the music will not be found on many people’s playlists going forward, although of course you can find it all on Apple Music.
This show has been one of Apple TV’s only controversies, however. The cast is made from many of Gad’s friends. That led to some controversy, as Gad chose stars before choosing parts. Kristen Bell was put into the role of a bi-racial character, and the two villainous women in the series were played by men (Stanley Tucci and Daveed Diggs, though it’s hard to fault either performance). The controversy was first brought up over the winter. After the summer’s social upheaval, Bell stepped down from the role and her former character will be played in season 2 by Emmy Raver-Lampman. Bell will return as a new character in season 2.
21 - On The Rocks - Comedy (Movie)
Summary: Laura (Rashida Jones) is worried that her husband Dean (Marlon Wayans) may have gotten bored in their marriage and having an affair with a coworker. Laura’s father (Bill Murrary), a charming and unabashed ladies man, tries to help her figure out her suspicions as they follow Dean around.
My Take: Well, Apple TV+ paid for a Sofia Coppola film, and boy, did they get one. What this means is that this is a movie where the plot is less important than the conversation, and in particular, this might as well be a 2-person play between Jones and Murray. Murray is charming as basically a more chauvinistic version of himself, and Jones deadpan is the perfect counter. Ultimately the conversations are predictable, and the very obvious plot takes away any suspense. This lets the movie’s most emotionally revelatory scene go almost completely under the radar. Ultimately, it and any lessons from this film get lost in conversation. Luckily, though, Murray and Jones are enough to carry the film and stop it from becoming just plain lost.
20 - See - Drama
Summary: In the future, the world was hit with a virus that made all humans blind, and predictably led to a societal downfall. The remains of civilization live either in a world wildness has mostly reclaimed, or the ruins of what once was. The story centers on a family where two children have been born with sight, and their adoptive father (Jason Momoa) and their mother (Hera Hilmar), with friends, try to find others with sight, while being chased by a religious monarch and her soldiers, trying to rid the world of the sin of sight.
My Take: One of Apple TV+’s first showcase shows, with a bankable action star in Jason Momoa and a huge budget, See ended up as one of the platform’s disappointments. The show suffers because it’s trying to world build throughout its first season, but is constantly changing the status quo of the world through its first season. Time flies for the characters, as the kids born in the first episode are teens in 3 episodes. Supporting characters are set up and then lost in the shuffle. The show does a fantastic job putting together a realistic world of how the sightless would build a civilization, but it’s not enough to make up for a plot that barely sets a status quo before blowing it up for a new quo.
19 - Bruce Springsteen’s Letter To You - Documentary (Movie)
Summary: A documentary recorded while Bruce Springsteen and the E-Street Band recorded their first studio album since 2012, Letter To You was inspired as Springsteen lost a former bandmate from The Castiles, his band in the 1960’s. The documentary goes between the band playing the songs, and talking about themselves and their history.
My Take: This is a solid musical documentary, but there’s nothing groundbreaking here. It was filmed in 2019, when Springsteen was 70, and there’s no avoiding that this is and old white rocker feeling nostalgic and sharing wisdom and concerns of a life having survived rock and roll. Filmed in black and white, the documentary is comfortable and the music is nice, but it kind of fades into the background even while people are talking. Bruce and 80’s rock fans will love this. Others might turn it on and forget it’s playing.
18 - Little America - Comedy
Summary: A serial about the immigrant experience, Little America tells different stories about the immigrant life in America, from different time periods and different original countries. Whether it be a child prodigy who is left behind when his parents are deported, an African immigrant interested in becoming a cowboy, or a silent retreat where language is not a barrier, this serial tries to tell stories from every background
My Take: With Executive Producers Kumail Nanjiani and Emiliy V. Gordon as the true star power, this anthology series looks at eight different stories about immigrants living in America, all inspired by real life stories. Quality varies per episode, and sometimes it gets a little predictable and repetitive. Still, it has enough high points to work overall. My personal favorites were “The Manager” and “The Grand Prize Expo Winner”, the latter doing an amazing job of humanizing an often-mocked stereotype in media.
17 - The Oprah Conversation - Talk Show
Summary: Oprah’s intended talk show to bring in celebrities and experts and talk to them, but because of the pandemic, it is without a live audience. However, Oprah brings guests in remotely with huge and small screens that feels futuristic, not limiting in the way many pandemic shows have been. Oprah and the guest are in separate spaces but both are professionally filmed, and the limited audience members are present like portraits on the wall in a gallery.
My Take: Of the three Oprah shows, this feels most like “Oprah”. Due to the timing of the show after social upheaval, many episodes take on the subject of race and race relations. But others are oddly promotional, like Mariah Carey (who coincidentally has a holiday special coming with Apple TV) and Matthew McConaughey (and his new book). The episodes about race are particularly worth watching (as a white man, who is often uncomfortable talking about race). This is definitely peak Oprah.
16 - Little Voice - Drama
Summary: Sara Bareilles, Jordy Nelson, and. J.J. Abrams are the powerhouses behind this series, a sweet but not exactly groundbreaking story about a singer-songwriter trying to make it in New York. Bess (Brittany O’Grady) is a songwriter with anxiety about performing, despite a father in the business. As Bess tries to overcome her anxiety, she has to deal with her autistic brother (Kevin Valdez, an actor who is actually on the spectrum), her roommate/best friend, a coworker at the bar who wants to be her manager, a new musician partner, a potential love interest or two, and her alcoholic father and absent mother. That’s all.
My Take: It works on the back of star Brittany O’Grady, and a compelling cast of people around her life, especially Valdez’s performance, which is one of the most realistic portrayals of autism you’ll find. Bareilles wrote the music, which is beautiful as usual. Where the show falters is that it seems like it’s trying to do every single possible story at once, and every episode feels manic. It almost seems to exhaust every possible plot point and stumbling block in one season. But O’Grady and the music help you keep watching.
15 - The Banker - Drama (Movie)
Summary: Inspired by a true story, this movie follows Bernard Garrett (Anthony Mackie), an African-American prodigy, as he makes himself a success in Los Angeles real estate in the 1950’s and 60’s, and tries to move into banking in his home state of Texas. He and his wife (Nia Long) partners with businessman Joe Morris (Samuel L. Jackson) and white front-man Matt Steiner (Nicholas Hoult) to try and succeed in two racist industries.
My Take: One of Apple TV’s first movies, The Banker has big name stars in Avengers stars Mackie and Jackson and a big-time story. The movie is fast paced and at times feels like skimming a book. It doesn’t skimp on laughs in the first half (with Jackson providing his own laugh track), but it does get much more serious in the second half as it and the characters directly address the racism around them. This is the first Apple TV+ movie that feels distinctly “Hollywood”, both in style in structure. That helps raise ATV+’s profile, but it puts limits this film as well. It’s a good story and worth watching, but is not ground-breaking, and clearly is not an in-depth or entirely accurate look at the story.
It was also a source of a major controversy, as the movie’s release was delayed by allegations of childhood sexual abuse were levied against Bernard Garrett Jr., the son of the main character and a producer on the film, by his half sisters and their mother.
14 - Tehran - Thriller
Summary: An “Apple Original” in title only, this show was made in Israel for their public channel Kan 11, and Apple purchased the international rights. It follows Tamar Rabinyan (Niv Sultan), a young Jewish spy who was born in Iran, as she is inserted into Tehran to try and neutralize Iran’s air defenses so Israel can bomb their nuclear plant. The plot is foiled in the first episode, and Tamar is sent on the run in an enemy city, pursued by the head investigator of the Revolutionary Guard Faraz Kamali (Shaun Toub).
My Take: In many ways, this is a fairly standard spy thriller. There’s a mission, it goes wrong, and everyone is sent scrambling. Tehran gets points, from this American viewer, for exploring the largely unexplored environment of urban Iran (albeit filmed in Athens). The characters switch between Hebrew, Farsi, and English very quickly, which is challenging to hearead. But ultimately, this is a personal spy story of pawns in a bigger war, as the scope grows with each episode. There’s plenty of grey in every side of this conflict. Even with the scope, Tehran gets bogged down and the middle episodes feel filled with filler. Ultimately, it’s solid, and does feel different than most spy shows. And though we get a satisfying resolution, the door is left open for season 2, which is as yet officially unannounced (but reported that they are signed on for two more seasons).
13 - Boys State - Documentary (Movie)
Summary: Every year, young men are brought together in the Texas State Capitol for what is basically a political science camp, where they are broken into their own political parties, and must come up with a platform and compete in an election for roles inspired by state government. During it, these 16-18-year old boys must work together while competing against each other, and learning what politics are.
My Take: A documentary about young men’s mock political competition in Texas, you’ve probably just envisioned something about what this looks like, and no doubt, you’ll probably see exactly that in this documentary. But this Sundance Documentary-winning film doesn’t quite go the way you think, but also close enough that it might not matter. These teens have more nuance than I would’ve expected, and I wish adults had in politics. But it has too much nuance to be received well, I think. Still, if you want a reason to watch this, I’d put money that at least one of the featured boys in this becomes a politician of note in the near future. Also, I am interested in seeing a documentary about the same event for girls, Girls State.
12 - Tiny World - Documentary
Summary: Narrated by Ant-Man’s Paul Rudd, Tiny World takes a look at the world of small animals living in diverse natural habitats around the world. Ranging from the African savannah to the Australian outback to the north American backyard, the show features animals from monkeys that can fit in the palm of your hand, down to the ants that are ever-present.
My Take: Nature documentaries are everywhere, but the cinematography on this is mind-blowing to the point you truly wonder how some of this was shot. Clearly, a large amount of it was manipulated, with rare parts where the CGI shows through, but it doesn’t take away from just how beautiful the shots are. With Rudd’s occasionally wry narration, it makes this a nature documentary that competes with the best stuff on Netflix. The nature never gets too gory, but it does deal with the life and death (sometimes brutal) of tiny nature. And it’s even a great follow-up to the movie “The Elephant Queen” because the first episode features what could be the same dung beetle that featured in that movie! (The movie and this series were not done by the same company, though, so it might just be a look-alike dung beetle they hired.)
11 - Beastie Boys Story - Documentary
Summary: A telling of the Beastie Boys career, by the surviving members Mike “Mike D” Diamond and Adam “Ad-Rock” Horovitz themselves. Directed by Spike Jonze, this documentary is shot as the two tell their story to a live audience in a theater, alternating between them on stage laughing and joking around, and video sequences they narrate about their career, and their friends, especially the late Adam “MCA” Yauch.
My Take: This is such an unusual format for a documentary, and it works so well. It allows for some of the goofing off that one might expect from the stars, but it’s still coherent and interesting, especially for me as a casual fan of the band growing up. On a service with a lot of traditionally-made documentaries, this stands out because of both its style and its quality, and if you like pop music at all, you should enjoy this.
10 - For All Mankind - Drama
Summary: An alternate history series based off a simple question: What if the Soviet Union beat America to the moon? From Battlestar Galactica’s Ronald D. Moore, the answer is that the Americans, more competitive than ever, try to push for more ambitious goals than just landing on the moon and leaving.
My Take: One of the first Apple TV shows, it is a sometimes nerdy but very interesting look at the space race. It balances fictional characters with real life figures (sometimes making interesting decisions when changing their fate), and really tries to focus on the science side of science fiction. The show jumps across years of development, so it’s not as tedious and slow as it could be. It hasn’t captured fans’ imaginations as much as it obviously has its creators’ imaginations, but it’s a quality drama that could get better in future seasons, although it is clearly now swerving to the fiction side of science fiction.
9 - Home Before Dark - Drama
Summary: Hilde Lisko (Brooklynn Prince) is a 9-year old daughter of a journalist who wants to do what he does. When her family moves from New York to her father’s small hometown in Washington, she stumbles onto a mysterious death and does what any reporter would do: writes about it in her blog. But as the mystery expands to her father’s past, she challenges an entire city’s reluctance to face up to a tragedy from decades ago, in the name of journalism.
My Take: A dark horse series that did not get much press, Home Before Dark seems like a show for kids, but is a show is made for adults, with a mystery of twists and turns more like Gone Girl than any children’s show. Prince is the star of this show and keeps viewers attached, even as the mystery’s twists get harder to follow. The show is vaguely inspired by a real life young journalist, but realistically is not at all the same story. It doesn’t matter, as this is as much about family and youthful stubbornness as anything else.
8 - Dickinson - Comedy
Summary: A historical comedy-drama about the life of poet Emily Dickinson (Hailee Steinfeld), this show follows her as a modern-thinking woman in a restrictive 19th century setting, growing up as a teenager. It shows both what’s going on around her, and into her imaginative flights of fancy as she deals with romantic trysts, less-than-friendly friends, and restrictive parents (notably Jane Krakowski as her mother Emily).
My Take: One of the first series from Apple TV+, Dickinson is an ambitious series, but shifts between being a period piece with setting-appropriate acting, and characters acting like modern people but set in the past. As great as parts are, it does struggle with focus and tone, particularly John Mulaney’s guest role as Henry David Thoreau, which feels better suited for a Will Ferrell absurdist comedy than what this show is trying to be. Steinfeld shines in the lead role, but Ella Hunt as Dickinson’s best friend Sue and Jane Krakowski as her mother both are fantastic. The relationship between Dickinson and her best friend Sue, and hints about Dickinson’s deteriorating mental health, are both handled very well. This is a show that has a chance to really find its footing in future seasons.
7 - Greyhound - Action (Movie)
Summary: Captain Ernest Krause (Tom Hanks) has been given command of a destroyer, and a convoy of supply ships to cross the U-Boat infested Atlantic early in World War II. Without air cover, he spends days awake, attempting to outmaneuver an enemy he can not see, or even count. As ships in his convoy are attacked one by one, he must save as many as he can before getting back under the protective air cover from Great Britain.
My Take: A movie that really was meant for the big screen, Greyhound is not interested in your character development or subplots or mandatory romances (mostly). After an initial scene introducing Krause in the lone bit of character development, this movie is about the tense travel of the Atlantic with submarines hunting you. It never shows the human villains, only the occasional peak at the metal beasts when they surface. It also doesn’t jump between ships on this convoy. Strictly a single viewpoint, which makes for a fascinatingly and a little fatiguingly tense film that is shorter than it feels (only 91 minutes!) because of the thrills. This movie is a fantastically different take on the war films we know, and especially for those with military experience, a strong film.
6 - Servant - Drama
Summary: Without significant spoilers, the show focuses on a couple who recently suffered the loss of a child, and have undertaken a real doll therapy, where they take care of a doll to help the psychological effects of losing a child, and go so far as to bring in a mysterious young girl to be the doll’s nanny. Over the span of the series, secrets about the nanny, and the troubles of the couple themselves, slowly leak out.
My Take: M. Night Shymalan’s first television show is a return to the Shymalan of his early years. With the space of a series instead of a movie, Shymalan has the room to explore each character: the almost-grieving mother (Lauren Ambrose), the disaffected and disbelieving husband (Toby Kebbell), the mysterious nanny (Nell Tiger Free), and the doubtful brother of the wife (Rupert Grint, Ron from Harry Potter), who acts as an outside world anchor. By the end, it feels a bit as if the original mystery has become a subplot, but it’s left on a cliffhanger the will leap the plot forward. And throughout the series, Shymalan allows food to be a visual cue and cinematographic toy, setting the mood. This ranks as one of Shymalan’s better stories from his long career.
5 - Visible: Out on Television - Documentary (Miniseries)
Episodes: 5; Stauts: Completed
Summary: A documentary series about how all facets of LGBTQ people have been represented on television, from the 1950’s through today. As a series, the documentary takes time with many the facets of every letter in LGBTQ, and all the letters hidden within it, talking about struggles of people of color. With interviews and clips, it takes it’s time with different eras and weaves it all together. And it’s all done with an undertone of how storytelling works, and the tool that television is, both for misinformation but also for connection.
My Take: Making this a series really allows the time to give this topic the time to really explore it. It’s an engaging documentary, especially for anyone who’s spent any time watching television. There’s nuggets of memory for all of us, where we can connect to the shows we used to watch, both their flaws and triumphs. Certain critics might point to this as Apple trying to force representation down our throats, but this documentary is excellent at telling a compelling story with both history and context.
4 - The Morning Show - Drama
Summary: Apple TV+’s centerpiece, with superstar stars Reese Witherspoon, Jennifer Aniston, and Steve Carrell, and yet a scene-stealing supporting cast of Gugu Mbahta-Raw, Billy Crudup (who won an Emmy for his role), Mark Duplass, and Jack Davenport (who is never not good), the show is about a, believe it or not, morning show whose male lead is fired in a sexual misconduct scandal and the after-effects. Witherspoon’s character is unexpectedly brought in to replace him, as power battles go on behind the scenes with everyone from the network head down to the assistant producers, as the secrets spill out about the truth.
My Take: What could be a preachy show about the MeToo movement never gets that way, and attempts a nuanced discussion about the less clear-cut issues. It’s not done perfectly, as some conflicts from the episodic storyline seem to disappear in the next episode, and Mitch is frustratingly (and probably intentionally) likable even as he is hate-able, with Carell showing his range. One flaw of this show is that the extremely likable supporting cast pulls attention away from Aniston and Witherspoon, the former being appropriately lauded with praise but not getting enough to win awards, and the latter getting a little stuck in her character spot. The season finale flurry hits hard, even if it doesn’t feel completely earned, but this show has definitely become the first bankable piece ATV+ has.
3 - Defending Jacob - Drama (Miniseries)
Summary: A boy is murdered, and after an investigation, suspicion falls on one of his classmates, Jacob, who is the son of Andy Barber, one of the assistant district attorneys (Chris Evans). Andy and his wife Laurie (Michelle Dockery) must do their best to defend their son, investigating other leads, but also facing the possibility that their son is guilty, and hiding family secrets.
My Take: Starring Captain America’s Chris Evans, Defending Jacob became the summer hit for Apple TV+, drawing viewers in. The tension between Andy and his wife Laurie, and their slightly creepy son Jacob (Jaeden Martell) as the teen is accused of murder, is filled with tension and, unlike many of the series on Apple TV, comes to a full conclusion in one season. Fans of mysteries like Gone Girl will appreciate this series. Although it can feel slightly stretched, this series hits hard and makes the most of its star power.
2 - Mythic Quest: Raven’s Banquet - Comedy
Summary: Mythic Quest is an online game akin to World of Warcraft, and it’s launching a new expansion to keep its fans engaged. The studio is led by a charmingly sycophantic designer Ian (pronounced EYE-an, played by Rob Mcelhenney), and lead engineer Poppy (Charlotte Nicdao). With a staff of obsessive assistants, disinterested programmers, earnest game testers, snippy game streamers, and an elderly lead writer lost in technology, the show hops along the daily struggles of keeping a game going and its fans happy.
My Take: An absolute home run of a show, as one would expect from the team behind It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Mythic Quest is absurdist comedy at its best, with McElhenney and a breakout performance from Nicdao. However, it’s also an ensemble cast with no weak spots, and a wonderfully obvious premise that is contemporary. It is at its best in two standalone episodes. The first comes out of nowhere, not featuring the main cast but instead acts as a “How the Game Industry Got Here” prequel in heartbreakingly personal fashion. The second is a special Quarantine episode that was perhaps the best quarantine-focused special episode done anywhere.
1 - Ted Lasso - Comedy
Summary: An American Football coach is inexplicably hired as a Soccer…er, real Football coach in the Premiere League in London. The titular Lasso is genuine and earnest, openly saying he doesn’t think winning has to do with the score, and he faces a soccer world where the opposite is true. He faces disbelieving players, abusive fans, unsure team staff, and a devious owner, but he barely blinks in the face of it all, and tries to keep his team from relegation…once he learns what that means.
My Take: An absolute surprise of a show, based on NBC Sports comedy promos, that has no right to be so great. Ted Lasso is on its face a fish-out-of-water sports show about an American football coach going to Europe to coach football/soccer. But it’s really a movie about a polite man in an impolite world, and bending rather than breaking, and sticking to your principles. It’s not laugh out loud funny, but it is surprisingly emotional. It’s also a show that champions maturity in a way that hits harder in a 2020 world, and so it’s also very well-timed. The only problem with Ted Lasso the show is that even though it gives Apple TV+ a recognizable character to market, it’s not a must-subscribe show. But it’s unquestionably one of Apple TV+’s best.
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2020.11.01 09:17 BruteSentiment It's been 1 year since Apple TV+ began, and I have watched every one of their shows (except the kids stuff)! Here's my ranking... [No Spoilers]

In one year, Apple TV+ has released a pretty solid slate of original material. Not including children-oriented content, Apple TV+ has released 20 series, 3 miniseries, 9 movies, and 2 talk shows. From the start, Apple has said that the goal of the content is on quality, not quantity. But…has it lived up to that?
34 - Greatness Code - Documentary
Summary: Each episode features a different athlete talking about a key moment in their careers. The show features athletes from many different sports, including basketball’s LeBron James, soccer’s Alex Morgan (sorry…footballer Alex Morgan), snowboarder Shaun White, sprinter Usain Bolt, swimmer Katie Ledecky, surfer Kelly Slater, and (American) footballer Tom Brady (who is a co-producer).
My Take: This is the easy winner for the worst thing on Apple TV+. The only good thing about this “show” is that the episodes are usually no more than 10 minutes long. The monologues by the athletes are…fine. There’s nothing you haven’t really heard before here. The problem is that the special effects take away from actually seeing the athlete in action. Almost every bit of action has some animation or filter or something over it, so we almost never actually see the events being discussed. It’s pretty ridiculous. After watching this, I genuinely wondered if this series was intended to be part of Apple TV+’s children’s offerings, because that is the only level where it could at all seem “great”.
33 - Oprah Talks Covid-19 - News (Miniseries)
Summary: Not long after the COVID-19 pandemic started major lockdowns across the United States, Oprah quickly began to do online interviews with people who she hoped would bring perspective and uplifting messages, from celebrities to pastors to nurses to people who had experienced isolation in prison and the holocaust. This series ran for nearly a month from mid-March to mid-April in 2020.
My Take: One of Oprah’s three series, this one is the lowest ranked just because much of the information within it is out of date, and is aimed at people at a certain time, which was months ago. But in a way, it’s a bit of a time capsule of the early parts of the pandemic in the public eye, which is interesting. It’s almost as interesting to see the production value (or lack there of), as the majority of the episodes are screen recordings of online interviews. It’s perhaps only worth watching now for being a curiosity, but Apple and Oprah did good getting something up in a timely fashion.
32 - Amazing Stories - Adventure
Summary: An anthology series executive produced by Steven Spielberg, the show brings back the “Amazing Stories” brand with five independent stories about incredible adventures that play with sci-fi and fantasy about regular people put in amazing situations.
My Take: Amazing Stories was to be one of Apple TV’s tentpoles for the summer. Unfortunately, the series landed flat, and is by far the biggest disappointment. It’s yet another TV series that original co-Producer Bryan Fuller left. The show was originally to have ten episodes, it ended up with just five. The stories were not very groundbreaking, though they were beautifully shot. It might be worth checking out for Robert Forster’s last project before he died (Dynoman and the Volt), and for the touching “The Heat” about high school runners from Oakland.
31 - Home - Documentary
Summary: As you might imagine, this documentary series is not just about the architecture of a house, but about the people behind building and designing them. Each episode features a different house and story, with houses chosen from around the world, from urban environments like Chicago and Hong Kong to remote locations in Maine and Bali.
My Take: Although cable and streaming is littered with television programs about houses and architecture, this show passes on the drama, which helps Home become a documentary, and not a reality show. The cinematography is predictably beautiful, but the pacing is slow, and it’s very hard to really get into. It doesn’t help that a couple of the home builders behind the stories are honestly not very likable. The final episode of the first season is really good, but ultimately, this show is a bit of a snooze beyond the real enthusiasts.
30 - Dads - Documentary (Movie)
Summary: Directed by Bryce Dallas Howard, this movie looks at fathers across the many levels of fatherhood, anchored by Howard’s own relationship with her father, actodirector Ron Howard, and her grandfather Archie, as well as Bryce’s non-celebrity brother who is an expecting father. The movie shifts to stories about fathers from around the world, and back to the Howards, to celebrate the ever-shifting role of fatherhood in modern society.
My Take: This documentary is a sweet, if simple, tribute to modern fatherhood. There’s nothing special here, it does exactly what you would expect it to. It has cameo interviews from comedian fathers, interspersed with random recordings of fathers from home movies and social media, and stories of fathers in different situations. There’s nothing bad about it, but it’s pretty dry overall. It’s not a waste, but it’ll probably end up being the thing you see in the list and say “Oh, I’ll watch that another time…”, which might as well be next Father’s Day with your dad.
29 - Dear… - Documentary
Summary: A documentary series that details the history and life of various individual celebrities, and uses letters written by people they have affected to frame those celebrities’ impact on people and society.
My Take: Apple has used the advertising method of using letters written to Apple or Tim Cook about how things have changed their lives (particularly the Apple Watch), and in that context this series feels like, well, advertising. Not to take anything away from the celebrities involved, but the marketing push feels very heavy here. And, of course, one of the celebrities featured is Oprah, who is a big presence in ATV+. It also gets absurd with one episode around Big Bird (in character); of course, the Muppets have a spin-off in the kids section of ATV+ called Helpsters. It’s best with the smaller names, where even I learned a little bit. It’s a decent feel-good if that’s what you’re looking for.
28 - Long Way Up - Documentary (Miniseries)
Summary: The third docu-series by Ewan McGregor and his best friend Charley Boorman as they take a long road trip by motorcycle. This trip, they are traveling from the southern tip of South America up to Los Angeles, and are doing it (almost) entirely on electric vehicles. The series highlights both the places they visit along the way, and the travails (and successes) of using these new, custom-made electric motorcycles. (The other two series Long Way Round and Long Way Down have also been added to ATV+, though they are not ‘Apple Originals’.)
My Take: I’ve got to be honest, it’s hard to get into watching others take a road trip. It’s nice enough. The footage is beautiful, as they use everything from GoPro helmet cams to drones to capture the scenery. But the major source of tension here is Range Anxiety, and the biggest drama is in whether or not they can do it all on electric bikes. Still, it’s interesting to see parts of South America many aren’t familiar with, including deserts and the vast Patagonia. And Ewan does seem like someone that would be a great bloke to be mates with. Some people will really enjoy this, I’m just not one of them.
27 - The Elephant Queen - Documentary (Movie)
Summary: Narrated by the soft-spoken Chiwetel Ejiofor, an elephant herd must navigate the climate of the savannah to survive. Led by the matriarch, they must migrate before the dry season hits to stay around water, and then return to their normal grazing land. Along the way, we meet the many other creatures of the savannah and face the changing climates and droughts that get in the way of these pachyderms.
My Take: A documentary much in the style of the old Disney documentaries, the Elephant Queen does a lot of anthropomorphizing its subjects, who range from elephants to dung beetles, and follows them through a difficult season. It is borderline kids-oriented, but adults might enjoy this as well. It’s not afraid to delve into some sad situations, and there is an overriding theme of what happens in droughts that can not be ignored. A sweet film, perhaps a bit saccharine.
26 - Hala - Drama (Movie)
Summary: Hala is a Pakistani-American teenage girl and her trying to balance her family and cultural pressures with being a teen in America. She longs to be out of the pressures of her family’s culture as she interacts with friends and teachers outside of the home. When she does try to act out, she begins to discover more about her family, both discovering secrets and sides she never knew about, as she discovers more about herself.
My Take: Apple TV+’s first fictional feature film release, this coming of age film is never really surprising, but it is a well made film that hits all the right nuances in trying to share Hala’s experience. It’s not a perfect film, as there are some shifts in tone and character that are rather sudden and jarring for the viewer, though all things considered, that’s probably what writedirector Minhal Baig was trying for. The emotions shift quickly and non-family characters disappear quickly, as it’s clear that this is Hala’s story, and not anyone else’s. It’s a solid watch.
25 - Trying - Comedy
Summary: A British couple, Nikki and Jason, have decided to adopt when they have trouble conceiving. They struggle with the truly difficult process of adopting, as well as insecurities about whether or not the two (who could be called slackers) are truly ready to be, or even worthy of being, parents.
My Take: This is a British comedy co-produced by BBC that is about an intensely serious subject. If you know British humor, you know that it will be very intentionally awkward, and this series can definitely hit that mark. While the show is certainly has about its two main characters (Rafe Spall and Esther Smith as the couple), it has a surprisingly large cast of supporting characters, but with only one star most Americans would know (Imelda Staunton as the most unintimidating social worker ever). It’s an interesting concept, and it finds some sweet moments, but not as many funny ones. It’s not bad, but is just okay.
24 - Oprah’s Book Club - Talk Show
Summary: This was the first Oprah show to appear on Apple TV+, serving as a cross-section of Apple services (which advertises Books and Podcasts), and the only one that got to meet the pre-pandemic style of Oprah’s shows. The idea was that Oprah would interview authors and let an audience ask questions. But the series also shows the effects of the pandemic. Once the pandemic hits, the audience is gone, and it becomes direct virtual interviews for a couple of episodes before Apple and Oprah find a way to have a virtual audience.
My Take: I admit, I didn’t read any of the books selected for this list. I still got something out of these shows, but more of an analysis of Oprah than the books. It did show off one of her worst traits, which is how she answers for an interviewee when they were slow to find a point, and she talked over a lot of people. But you could also see her energy change when she had a live audience versus online interviews, and even different with a virtual audience. You could also see her energy change about what books she is passionate about versus those less so. So this wasn’t a waste, but I wasn’t enthusiastic.
23 - Truth Be Told - Drama
Summary: Poppy Parnell (Octavia Spencer) is a true crime podcaster after a successful career as an investigative reporter, but she comes to dwell on the first case that made her famous, where a teenager was put away for murdering his neighbor. Now an adult (played by Aaron Paul), Poppy begins talking with him to see if she made a mistake. Meanwhile, the victim’s family is forced to revisit the crime, including twin daughters (both played by Lizzy Caplan), and Poppy’s family confronts her for supporting Cave, who has joined a white supremacist gang in prison.
My Take: This show has an incredible cast, with Michael Beach, Mekhi Phifer, and Ron Cephas Jones in big supporting roles. Race is an unavoidable part of this story, but so is culture, as Poppy is split between her family’s blue-collar roots in Oakland, and the Silicon Valley lifestyle she now lives with her husband across the bay. The Bay Area setting of this series is a big part of the symbolism. The problem is that the mystery viewers came for was never really important. This would’ve been a good third season of a show, once a status quo for these characters had been found, rather than a confusing first season with lots of subplots.
22 - Central Park - Animation
Summary: Animated by the people behind Bob’s Burgers and created in part by Josh Gad, Central Park is an animated musical. The show revolves around the family of the manager of Central Park (Leslie Odom Jr.), and the villainous hotel owner (Stanley Tucci) who wants to undermine the park to buy it and develop it. Gad plays the busker at the park who serves as the audience’s narrator, and it plays like musical theater, with songs written by a range of artists, including Fiona Apple, Sara Bareilles, Cyndi Lauper, Aimee Mann, Alan Menken and Glenn Slater, and Meghan Trainor, among many others.
My Take: The show is silly, but not always in a funny way. The music is reminiscent of the irreverent nature of Avenue Q, and has some star power behind it, though a lot of the music is just meh. I’m not surprised my favorite song, “Spoiler Alert”, was cowritten by Alan Menken of 90’s Disney musical fame. The story, however, very often deviates from the main thrust of the plot and doesn’t seem like it’s going anywhere at times, as it’s more bothered with the humor in ridiculous situations, like the park manager’s son being obsessed with the villain’s dog Champagne. Ultimately, though, the show is just meh. The humor is fine, the story is barely relevant, and the majority of the music will not be found on many people’s playlists going forward, although of course you can find it all on Apple Music.
This show has been one of Apple TV’s only controversies, however. The cast is made from many of Gad’s friends. That led to some controversy, as Gad chose stars before choosing parts. Kristen Bell was put into the role of a bi-racial character, and the two villainous women in the series were played by men (Stanley Tucci and Daveed Diggs, though it’s hard to fault either performance). The controversy was first brought up over the winter. After the summer’s social upheaval, Bell stepped down from the role and her former character will be played in season 2 by Emmy Raver-Lampman. Bell will return as a new character in season 2.
21 - On The Rocks - Comedy (Movie)
Summary: Laura (Rashida Jones) is worried that her husband Dean (Marlon Wayans) may have gotten bored in their marriage and having an affair with a coworker. Laura’s father (Bill Murrary), a charming and unabashed ladies man, tries to help her figure out her suspicions as they follow Dean around.
My Take: Well, Apple TV+ paid for a Sofia Coppola film, and boy, did they get one. What this means is that this is a movie where the plot is less important than the conversation, and in particular, this might as well be a 2-person play between Jones and Murray. Murray is charming as basically a more chauvinistic version of himself, and Jones deadpan is the perfect counter. Ultimately the conversations are predictable, and the very obvious plot takes away any suspense. This lets the movie’s most emotionally revelatory scene go almost completely under the radar. Ultimately, it and any lessons from this film get lost in conversation. Luckily, though, Murray and Jones are enough to carry the film and stop it from becoming just plain lost.
20 - See - Drama
Summary: In the future, the world was hit with a virus that made all humans blind, and predictably led to a societal downfall. The remains of civilization live either in a world wildness has mostly reclaimed, or the ruins of what once was. The story centers on a family where two children have been born with sight, and their adoptive father (Jason Momoa) and their mother (Hera Hilmar), with friends, try to find others with sight, while being chased by a religious monarch and her soldiers, trying to rid the world of the sin of sight.
My Take: One of Apple TV+’s first showcase shows, with a bankable action star in Jason Momoa and a huge budget, See ended up as one of the platform’s disappointments. The show suffers because it’s trying to world build throughout its first season, but is constantly changing the status quo of the world through its first season. Time flies for the characters, as the kids born in the first episode are teens in 3 episodes. Supporting characters are set up and then lost in the shuffle. The show does a fantastic job putting together a realistic world of how the sightless would build a civilization, but it’s not enough to make up for a plot that barely sets a status quo before blowing it up for a new quo.
19 - Bruce Springsteen’s Letter To You - Documentary (Movie)
Summary: A documentary recorded while Bruce Springsteen and the E-Street Band recorded their first studio album since 2012, Letter To You was inspired as Springsteen lost a former bandmate from The Castiles, his band in the 1960’s. The documentary goes between the band playing the songs, and talking about themselves and their history.
My Take: This is a solid musical documentary, but there’s nothing groundbreaking here. It was filmed in 2019, when Springsteen was 70, and there’s no avoiding that this is and old white rocker feeling nostalgic and sharing wisdom and concerns of a life having survived rock and roll. Filmed in black and white, the documentary is comfortable and the music is nice, but it kind of fades into the background even while people are talking. Bruce and 80’s rock fans will love this. Others might turn it on and forget it’s playing.
18 - Little America - Comedy
Summary: A serial about the immigrant experience, Little America tells different stories about the immigrant life in America, from different time periods and different original countries. Whether it be a child prodigy who is left behind when his parents are deported, an African immigrant interested in becoming a cowboy, or a silent retreat where language is not a barrier, this serial tries to tell stories from every background
My Take: With Executive Producers Kumail Nanjiani and Emiliy V. Gordon as the true star power, this anthology series looks at eight different stories about immigrants living in America, all inspired by real life stories. Quality varies per episode, and sometimes it gets a little predictable and repetitive. Still, it has enough high points to work overall. My personal favorites were “The Manager” and “The Grand Prize Expo Winner”, the latter doing an amazing job of humanizing an often-mocked stereotype in media.
17 - The Oprah Conversation - Talk Show
Summary: Oprah’s intended talk show to bring in celebrities and experts and talk to them, but because of the pandemic, it is without a live audience. However, Oprah brings guests in remotely with huge and small screens that feels futuristic, not limiting in the way many pandemic shows have been. Oprah and the guest are in separate spaces but both are professionally filmed, and the limited audience members are present like portraits on the wall in a gallery.
My Take: Of the three Oprah shows, this feels most like “Oprah”. Due to the timing of the show after social upheaval, many episodes take on the subject of race and race relations. But others are oddly promotional, like Mariah Carey (who coincidentally has a holiday special coming with Apple TV) and Matthew McConaughey (and his new book). The episodes about race are particularly worth watching (as a white man, who is often uncomfortable talking about race). This is definitely peak Oprah.
16 - Little Voice - Drama
Summary: Sara Bareilles, Jordy Nelson, and. J.J. Abrams are the powerhouses behind this series, a sweet but not exactly groundbreaking story about a singer-songwriter trying to make it in New York. Bess (Brittany O’Grady) is a songwriter with anxiety about performing, despite a father in the business. As Bess tries to overcome her anxiety, she has to deal with her autistic brother (Kevin Valdez, an actor who is actually on the spectrum), her roommate/best friend, a coworker at the bar who wants to be her manager, a new musician partner, a potential love interest or two, and her alcoholic father and absent mother. That’s all.
My Take: It works on the back of star Brittany O’Grady, and a compelling cast of people around her life, especially Valdez’s performance, which is one of the most realistic portrayals of autism you’ll find. Bareilles wrote the music, which is beautiful as usual. Where the show falters is that it seems like it’s trying to do every single possible story at once, and every episode feels manic. It almost seems to exhaust every possible plot point and stumbling block in one season. But O’Grady and the music help you keep watching.
15 - The Banker - Drama (Movie)
Summary: Inspired by a true story, this movie follows Bernard Garrett (Anthony Mackie), an African-American prodigy, as he makes himself a success in Los Angeles real estate in the 1950’s and 60’s, and tries to move into banking in his home state of Texas. He and his wife (Nia Long) partners with businessman Joe Morris (Samuel L. Jackson) and white front-man Matt Steiner (Nicholas Hoult) to try and succeed in two racist industries.
My Take: One of Apple TV’s first movies, The Banker has big name stars in Avengers stars Mackie and Jackson and a big-time story. The movie is fast paced and at times feels like skimming a book. It doesn’t skimp on laughs in the first half (with Jackson providing his own laugh track), but it does get much more serious in the second half as it and the characters directly address the racism around them. This is the first Apple TV+ movie that feels distinctly “Hollywood”, both in style in structure. That helps raise ATV+’s profile, but it puts limits this film as well. It’s a good story and worth watching, but is not ground-breaking, and clearly is not an in-depth or entirely accurate look at the story.
It was also a source of a major controversy, as the movie’s release was delayed by allegations of childhood sexual abuse were levied against Bernard Garrett Jr., the son of the main character and a producer on the film, by his half sisters and their mother.
14 - Tehran - Thriller
Summary: An “Apple Original” in title only, this show was made in Israel for their public channel Kan 11, and Apple purchased the international rights. It follows Tamar Rabinyan (Niv Sultan), a young Jewish spy who was born in Iran, as she is inserted into Tehran to try and neutralize Iran’s air defenses so Israel can bomb their nuclear plant. The plot is foiled in the first episode, and Tamar is sent on the run in an enemy city, pursued by the head investigator of the Revolutionary Guard Faraz Kamali (Shaun Toub).
My Take: In many ways, this is a fairly standard spy thriller. There’s a mission, it goes wrong, and everyone is sent scrambling. Tehran gets points, from this American viewer, for exploring the largely unexplored environment of urban Iran (albeit filmed in Athens). The characters switch between Hebrew, Farsi, and English very quickly, which is challenging to hearead. But ultimately, this is a personal spy story of pawns in a bigger war, as the scope grows with each episode. There’s plenty of grey in every side of this conflict. Even with the scope, Tehran gets bogged down and the middle episodes feel filled with filler. Ultimately, it’s solid, and does feel different than most spy shows. And though we get a satisfying resolution, the door is left open for season 2, which is as yet officially unannounced (but reported that they are signed on for two more seasons).
13 - Boys State - Documentary (Movie)
Summary: Every year, young men are brought together in the Texas State Capitol for what is basically a political science camp, where they are broken into their own political parties, and must come up with a platform and compete in an election for roles inspired by state government. During it, these 16-18-year old boys must work together while competing against each other, and learning what politics are.
My Take: A documentary about young men’s mock political competition in Texas, you’ve probably just envisioned something about what this looks like, and no doubt, you’ll probably see exactly that in this documentary. But this Sundance Documentary-winning film doesn’t quite go the way you think, but also close enough that it might not matter. These teens have more nuance than I would’ve expected, and I wish adults had in politics. But it has too much nuance to be received well, I think. Still, if you want a reason to watch this, I’d put money that at least one of the featured boys in this becomes a politician of note in the near future. Also, I am interested in seeing a documentary about the same event for girls, Girls State.
12 - Tiny World - Documentary
Summary: Narrated by Ant-Man’s Paul Rudd, Tiny World takes a look at the world of small animals living in diverse natural habitats around the world. Ranging from the African savannah to the Australian outback to the north American backyard, the show features animals from monkeys that can fit in the palm of your hand, down to the ants that are ever-present.
My Take: Nature documentaries are everywhere, but the cinematography on this is mind-blowing to the point you truly wonder how some of this was shot. Clearly, a large amount of it was manipulated, with rare parts where the CGI shows through, but it doesn’t take away from just how beautiful the shots are. With Rudd’s occasionally wry narration, it makes this a nature documentary that competes with the best stuff on Netflix. The nature never gets too gory, but it does deal with the life and death (sometimes brutal) of tiny nature. And it’s even a great follow-up to the movie “The Elephant Queen” because the first episode features what could be the same dung beetle that featured in that movie! (The movie and this series were not done by the same company, though, so it might just be a look-alike dung beetle they hired.)
11 - Beastie Boys Story - Documentary
Summary: A telling of the Beastie Boys career, by the surviving members Mike “Mike D” Diamond and Adam “Ad-Rock” Horovitz themselves. Directed by Spike Jonze, this documentary is shot as the two tell their story to a live audience in a theater, alternating between them on stage laughing and joking around, and video sequences they narrate about their career, and their friends, especially the late Adam “MCA” Yauch.
My Take: This is such an unusual format for a documentary, and it works so well. It allows for some of the goofing off that one might expect from the stars, but it’s still coherent and interesting, especially for me as a casual fan of the band growing up. On a service with a lot of traditionally-made documentaries, this stands out because of both its style and its quality, and if you like pop music at all, you should enjoy this.
10 - For All Mankind - Drama
Summary: An alternate history series based off a simple question: What if the Soviet Union beat America to the moon? From Battlestar Galactica’s Ronald D. Moore, the answer is that the Americans, more competitive than ever, try to push for more ambitious goals than just landing on the moon and leaving.
My Take: One of the first Apple TV shows, it is a sometimes nerdy but very interesting look at the space race. It balances fictional characters with real life figures (sometimes making interesting decisions when changing their fate), and really tries to focus on the science side of science fiction. The show jumps across years of development, so it’s not as tedious and slow as it could be. It hasn’t captured fans’ imaginations as much as it obviously has its creators’ imaginations, but it’s a quality drama that could get better in future seasons, although it is clearly now swerving to the fiction side of science fiction.
9 - Home Before Dark - Drama
Summary: Hilde Lisko (Brooklynn Prince) is a 9-year old daughter of a journalist who wants to do what he does. When her family moves from New York to her father’s small hometown in Washington, she stumbles onto a mysterious death and does what any reporter would do: writes about it in her blog. But as the mystery expands to her father’s past, she challenges an entire city’s reluctance to face up to a tragedy from decades ago, in the name of journalism.
My Take: A dark horse series that did not get much press, Home Before Dark seems like a show for kids, but is a show is made for adults, with a mystery of twists and turns more like Gone Girl than any children’s show. Prince is the star of this show and keeps viewers attached, even as the mystery’s twists get harder to follow. The show is vaguely inspired by a real life young journalist, but realistically is not at all the same story. It doesn’t matter, as this is as much about family and youthful stubbornness as anything else.
8 - Dickinson - Comedy
Summary: A historical comedy-drama about the life of poet Emily Dickinson (Hailee Steinfeld), this show follows her as a modern-thinking woman in a restrictive 19th century setting, growing up as a teenager. It shows both what’s going on around her, and into her imaginative flights of fancy as she deals with romantic trysts, less-than-friendly friends, and restrictive parents (notably Jane Krakowski as her mother Emily).
My Take: One of the first series from Apple TV+, Dickinson is an ambitious series, but shifts between being a period piece with setting-appropriate acting, and characters acting like modern people but set in the past. As great as parts are, it does struggle with focus and tone, particularly John Mulaney’s guest role as Henry David Thoreau, which feels better suited for a Will Ferrell absurdist comedy than what this show is trying to be. Steinfeld shines in the lead role, but Ella Hunt as Dickinson’s best friend Sue and Jane Krakowski as her mother both are fantastic. The relationship between Dickinson and her best friend Sue, and hints about Dickinson’s deteriorating mental health, are both handled very well. This is a show that has a chance to really find its footing in future seasons.
7 - Greyhound - Action (Movie)
Summary: Captain Ernest Krause (Tom Hanks) has been given command of a destroyer, and a convoy of supply ships to cross the U-Boat infested Atlantic early in World War II. Without air cover, he spends days awake, attempting to outmaneuver an enemy he can not see, or even count. As ships in his convoy are attacked one by one, he must save as many as he can before getting back under the protective air cover from Great Britain.
My Take: A movie that really was meant for the big screen, Greyhound is not interested in your character development or subplots or mandatory romances (mostly). After an initial scene introducing Krause in the lone bit of character development, this movie is about the tense travel of the Atlantic with submarines hunting you. It never shows the human villains, only the occasional peak at the metal beasts when they surface. It also doesn’t jump between ships on this convoy. Strictly a single viewpoint, which makes for a fascinatingly and a little fatiguingly tense film that is shorter than it feels (only 91 minutes!) because of the thrills. This movie is a fantastically different take on the war films we know, and especially for those with military experience, a strong film.
6 - Servant - Drama
Summary: Without significant spoilers, the show focuses on a couple who recently suffered the loss of a child, and have undertaken a real doll therapy, where they take care of a doll to help the psychological effects of losing a child, and go so far as to bring in a mysterious young girl to be the doll’s nanny. Over the span of the series, secrets about the nanny, and the troubles of the couple themselves, slowly leak out.
My Take: M. Night Shymalan’s first television show is a return to the Shymalan of his early years. With the space of a series instead of a movie, Shymalan has the room to explore each character: the almost-grieving mother (Lauren Ambrose), the disaffected and disbelieving husband (Toby Kebbell), the mysterious nanny (Nell Tiger Free), and the doubtful brother of the wife (Rupert Grint, Ron from Harry Potter), who acts as an outside world anchor. By the end, it feels a bit as if the original mystery has become a subplot, but it’s left on a cliffhanger the will leap the plot forward. And throughout the series, Shymalan allows food to be a visual cue and cinematographic toy, setting the mood. This ranks as one of Shymalan’s better stories from his long career.
5 - Visible: Out on Television - Documentary (Miniseries)
Episodes: 5; Stauts: Completed
Summary: A documentary series about how all facets of LGBTQ people have been represented on television, from the 1950’s through today. As a series, the documentary takes time with many the facets of every letter in LGBTQ, and all the letters hidden within it, talking about struggles of people of color. With interviews and clips, it takes it’s time with different eras and weaves it all together. And it’s all done with an undertone of how storytelling works, and the tool that television is, both for misinformation but also for connection.
My Take: Making this a series really allows the time to give this topic the time to really explore it. It’s an engaging documentary, especially for anyone who’s spent any time watching television. There’s nuggets of memory for all of us, where we can connect to the shows we used to watch, both their flaws and triumphs. Certain critics might point to this as Apple trying to force representation down our throats, but this documentary is excellent at telling a compelling story with both history and context.
4 - The Morning Show - Drama
Summary: Apple TV+’s centerpiece, with superstar stars Reese Witherspoon, Jennifer Aniston, and Steve Carrell, and yet a scene-stealing supporting cast of Gugu Mbahta-Raw, Billy Crudup (who won an Emmy for his role), Mark Duplass, and Jack Davenport (who is never not good), the show is about a, believe it or not, morning show whose male lead is fired in a sexual misconduct scandal and the after-effects. Witherspoon’s character is unexpectedly brought in to replace him, as power battles go on behind the scenes with everyone from the network head down to the assistant producers, as the secrets spill out about the truth.
My Take: What could be a preachy show about the MeToo movement never gets that way, and attempts a nuanced discussion about the less clear-cut issues. It’s not done perfectly, as some conflicts from the episodic storyline seem to disappear in the next episode, and Mitch is frustratingly (and probably intentionally) likable even as he is hate-able, with Carell showing his range. One flaw of this show is that the extremely likable supporting cast pulls attention away from Aniston and Witherspoon, the former being appropriately lauded with praise but not getting enough to win awards, and the latter getting a little stuck in her character spot. The season finale flurry hits hard, even if it doesn’t feel completely earned, but this show has definitely become the first bankable piece ATV+ has.
3 - Defending Jacob - Drama (Miniseries)
Summary: A boy is murdered, and after an investigation, suspicion falls on one of his classmates, Jacob, who is the son of Andy Barber, one of the assistant district attorneys (Chris Evans). Andy and his wife Laurie (Michelle Dockery) must do their best to defend their son, investigating other leads, but also facing the possibility that their son is guilty, and hiding family secrets.
My Take: Starring Captain America’s Chris Evans, Defending Jacob became the summer hit for Apple TV+, drawing viewers in. The tension between Andy and his wife Laurie, and their slightly creepy son Jacob (Jaeden Martell) as the teen is accused of murder, is filled with tension and, unlike many of the series on Apple TV, comes to a full conclusion in one season. Fans of mysteries like Gone Girl will appreciate this series. Although it can feel slightly stretched, this series hits hard and makes the most of its star power.
2 - Mythic Quest: Raven’s Banquet - Comedy
Summary: Mythic Quest is an online game akin to World of Warcraft, and it’s launching a new expansion to keep its fans engaged. The studio is led by a charmingly sycophantic designer Ian (pronounced EYE-an, played by Rob Mcelhenney), and lead engineer Poppy (Charlotte Nicdao). With a staff of obsessive assistants, disinterested programmers, earnest game testers, snippy game streamers, and an elderly lead writer lost in technology, the show hops along the daily struggles of keeping a game going and its fans happy.
My Take: An absolute home run of a show, as one would expect from the team behind It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Mythic Quest is absurdist comedy at its best, with McElhenney and a breakout performance from Nicdao. However, it’s also an ensemble cast with no weak spots, and a wonderfully obvious premise that is contemporary. It is at its best in two standalone episodes. The first comes out of nowhere, not featuring the main cast but instead acts as a “How the Game Industry Got Here” prequel in heartbreakingly personal fashion. The second is a special Quarantine episode that was perhaps the best quarantine-focused special episode done anywhere.
1 - Ted Lasso - Comedy
Summary: An American Football coach is inexplicably hired as a Soccer…er, real Football coach in the Premiere League in London. The titular Lasso is genuine and earnest, openly saying he doesn’t think winning has to do with the score, and he faces a soccer world where the opposite is true. He faces disbelieving players, abusive fans, unsure team staff, and a devious owner, but he barely blinks in the face of it all, and tries to keep his team from relegation…once he learns what that means.
My Take: An absolute surprise of a show, based on NBC Sports comedy promos, that has no right to be so great. Ted Lasso is on its face a fish-out-of-water sports show about an American football coach going to Europe to coach football/soccer. But it’s really a movie about a polite man in an impolite world, and bending rather than breaking, and sticking to your principles. It’s not laugh out loud funny, but it is surprisingly emotional. It’s also a show that champions maturity in a way that hits harder in a 2020 world, and so it’s also very well-timed. The only problem with Ted Lasso the show is that even though it gives Apple TV+ a recognizable character to market, it’s not a must-subscribe show. But it’s unquestionably one of Apple TV+’s best.
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2020.10.27 20:40 mr_tyler_durden Notes and Highlights of Kentucky Governor Andy Beshear’s Live Update October 27, 2020

Notes and Highlights of Kentucky Governor Andy Beshear’s Live Update October 27, 2020
Notes by mr_tyler_durden and Daily Update Team
Check your registration status, ballot status, or how to vote here!
Note: Thank you to the people who have given awards to these posts but I do want to say: Please don’t spend money to give these posts an award or if you want to give then donate it here instead. These people need your help more than I need awards. I guess if you are just spending reddit coins that you already have then that’s fine but don’t spend new money, donate it instead. Thank you all!
Watch here:
Headlines
Full Notes
(continued in stickied comment)
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2020.10.13 23:52 subreddit_stats Subreddit Stats: apple top posts from 2012-09-19 to 2020-10-13 17:42 PDT

Period: 2945.81 days
Submissions Comments
Total 998 386573
Rate (per day) 0.34 131.23
Unique Redditors 612 85837
Combined Score 5742333 10155821

Top Submitters' Top Submissions

  1. 279684 points, 60 submissions: gulabjamunyaar
    1. Apple and Nike urged to cut 'China Uighur ties' (9167 points, 395 comments)
    2. iOS 12 includes support for reporting unwanted texts & calls as spam (8574 points, 444 comments)
    3. TikTok to stop reading user clipboards after being exposed by iOS 14 privacy feature (7897 points, 431 comments)
    4. Shazam App is Now Ad-Free Following Apple Acquisition (7546 points, 304 comments)
    5. [MKBHD] Apple Responds to Your Comments! feat. Craig Federighi (7301 points, 670 comments)
    6. iFixit Mac Pro 2019 Teardown: “beautiful, amazingly well put together, and a masterclass in repairability” (7250 points, 669 comments)
    7. Apple COO Jeff Williams ‘Very Aware Of’ Concerns Over Apple Product Cost (7096 points, 1175 comments)
    8. Apple giving retail and hourly workers unlimited sick leave for coronavirus-like symptoms (7087 points, 361 comments)
    9. Apple to produce millions of 'made in Vietnam' AirPods amid pandemic: Shift away from China continues even as coronavirus hits demand for the wireless earphones (7053 points, 565 comments)
    10. Ex-NSA hacker finds new Zoom flaws to takeover Macs again, including webcam, mic, and root access (7019 points, 407 comments)
  2. 160555 points, 25 submissions: JBeylovesyou
    1. Apple says Epic Games CEO wanted a side deal for Fortnite (18785 points, 2481 comments)
    2. Apple fired the engineer whose daughter released a video of his iPhone X on YouTube (15097 points, 2365 comments)
    3. Apple reveals new AirPods Pro, available October 30 (14504 points, 3597 comments)
    4. Apple Music Overtakes Spotify in U.S. Subscribers (9715 points, 2141 comments)
    5. Over 300 iPhone X models stolen from San Francisco Apple Store (9345 points, 677 comments)
    6. Apple CEO Tim Cook: 'I Do Think Price is a Factor' in Declining iPhone Upgrades (7363 points, 1254 comments)
    7. Apple CEO Tim Cook: Technology companies need to take responsibility for chaos they create (7115 points, 756 comments)
    8. No more "iOS has a nasty surprise" clickbait articles: "Just heard that Forbes is circulating an email internally that bans the use of clickbait in headlines" (6942 points, 267 comments)
    9. Netflix says it will not join Apple TV service: "We prefer to let our customers watch our content on our service" (5867 points, 828 comments)
    10. Apple tells app developers to disclose or remove screen recording code (5672 points, 410 comments)
  3. 158816 points, 21 submissions: aaronp613
    1. Phone Calls Will Finally Stop Taking Up the Entire Screen in iOS 14 (39844 points, 1661 comments)
    2. Apple announces iPhone 11 Pro: triple camera, A13 chip, more (12902 points, 5609 comments)
    3. Apple will release iOS 14 and iPadOS 14 on September 16th (12524 points, 1345 comments)
    4. Apple Disabling 'Sign in with Apple' for Epic Games on September 11 (9345 points, 1103 comments)
    5. Apple announces Mac architecture transition from Intel to its own ARM chips (8514 points, 2862 comments)
    6. iPhone 12 does not come with power charger or earbuds in the box (7097 points, 2089 comments)
    7. Apple announces new iPad Air that looks more like an iPad Pro (6707 points, 1455 comments)
    8. Tim Cook: Proud to share we’ve been able to source 10M masks for the US and millions more for the hardest hit regions in Europe. Our ops teams are helping to find and purchase masks from our supply chain in coordination with governments around the world. (6371 points, 276 comments)
    9. Apple becomes first public company to reach a $2 trillion market cap (5446 points, 510 comments)
    10. Google to 'Dramatically' Improve Chrome Impact on Mac Battery Life (5215 points, 754 comments)
  4. 122616 points, 12 submissions: iamthatis
    1. I'm giving away an iPhone 11 Pro to a commenter at random to celebrate Apollo for Reddit's new iOS 13 update and as a thank you to the community! Just leave a comment on this post and the winner will be selected randomly and announced tomorrow at 8 PM GMT. Details inside, and good luck! (28605 points, 88505 comments)
    2. Introducing Apollo, a brand new Reddit experience for iOS. Gorgeous, iOS centric design, an incredible Media Viewer, fully customizable gestures, a full Markdown editor, and sculpted by thousands of Redditors. (18036 points, 4604 comments)
    3. So... Apollo made $5,087.23 yesterday. Yeah no joke. Just sent it to the local animal shelter. THANK YOU SO MUCH! (Animal pics inside) (15657 points, 635 comments)
    4. I'm a former Apple engineer and I build the Apollo Reddit client! Today for my birthday I'm donating 100% of Apollo's proceeds to my SPCA Animal Shelter who really need the help. If you've ever had a passing interest in Apollo (or even already have it, secrets inside) there's no better day! 🐶🐱 (13134 points, 715 comments)
    5. I build the Apollo Reddit app and I'm donating 100% of today's proceeds to our local SPCA animal shelter. It's kitten season and the hardest time of the year for shelters for food and supplies, so your help would be absolutely AMAZING in helping the kitties and puppies out there! 🐶🐱 (8831 points, 886 comments)
    6. I built the Apollo Reddit client and I'm donating 100% of the proceeds today to our local SPCA animal shelter that's really low on food and supplies due to kitten season so your help would be AMAZING! (7565 points, 492 comments)
    7. [Self Promo Saturday] I just updated my Reddit app Apollo with a bunch of iOS 14 Widgets, the first Reddit app on iOS to do so. It also includes Picture in Picture video support, support for the new privacy-focused iOS 14 photo picker, and more. Would love to know what you think! 🎉 (7366 points, 399 comments)
    8. I don't even know how to title this, typing from the floor. We raised $27,355 yesterday. TWENTY SEVEN THOUSAND DOLLARS. They told me that's the largest single day fundraiser IN THEIR HISTORY. Thank you so so so so so much, the Reddit Apple community is beyond incredible at saving animals. 🐶🐱🐰 (7221 points, 270 comments)
    9. [Self Promo Saturday] I released a really big update to my Reddit app Apollo for Reddit, featuring a supercharged Media Viewer, Smart Rotation Lock, Portrait Lock Buddy, GIF conversion, Reddit video downloading, Share as Image, new icons, awards, polls, iPad trackpad support, and more! (5829 points, 485 comments)
    10. [Update on yesterday's Apollo SPCA Fundraiser] We raised $42,749.29 yesterday for the SPCA Animal Shelter. FORTY TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS. Thank you Apple! That's the historic RECORD for SPCA donations in a single day! We made such a difference to these animals, you're amazing. 🐶🐱🐰 (4206 points, 79 comments)
  5. 119935 points, 23 submissions: chrisdh79
    1. Microsoft fires back at Apple, accusing it of treating gaming apps 'differently' (14948 points, 1624 comments)
    2. Apple wants your iPhone to replace your passport and driver's license (12499 points, 1248 comments)
    3. YouTube restricts iOS 14 picture-in-picture feature to Premium subscribers, 4K not available on tvOS 14 (9964 points, 1133 comments)
    4. Apple Becomes First U.S. Company to Hit $1.5 Trillion in Market Value (6047 points, 437 comments)
    5. Tim Cook expects iPhone SE to attract Android users, ‘it’s faster than the fastest Android phones’ (5612 points, 1309 comments)
    6. Apple refining Siri to cut down on mistaken activations, and to draw less power (5349 points, 451 comments)
    7. Apple overtakes Saudi Aramco as world’s most valuable company, nearing $2 trillion market cap (5021 points, 367 comments)
    8. 9th Circuit Rules Apple Owes Retail Workers for Time Spent in Security Screenings (5002 points, 337 comments)
    9. Developers Begin Receiving Mac Mini With A12Z Chip to Prepare Apps for Apple Silicon Macs (4953 points, 675 comments)
    10. iPhone SE already seeing strong sales, Android switchers (4658 points, 900 comments)
  6. 108916 points, 16 submissions: UnKindClock
    1. Apple has now terminated Epic's App Store account following legal dispute between the two companies (26389 points, 3881 comments)
    2. Zoom iOS app quietly sending data to Facebook, even if you have no account (10329 points, 518 comments)
    3. Apple doubles down on iOS 14 tracking privacy as Facebook panics (9459 points, 563 comments)
    4. WWDC keynote format was great – I'd like this every year (8423 points, 587 comments)
    5. Tim Cook joins the billionaire club as Apple’s value climbs toward $2 trillion (6972 points, 901 comments)
    6. Bloomberg: Apple discussing allowing iPhone users to set third-party web browsers and email apps as defaults (6025 points, 827 comments)
    7. iPhone 12 to Come in 'Dark Blue' Color Option (5544 points, 494 comments)
    8. Intel says its 5G modems won't be ready until 2020, aligning with Apple's rumored 5G iPhone roadmap (4975 points, 628 comments)
    9. iPhone X outperforms Samsung’s brand new 6.4-inch Galaxy Note 9 (4484 points, 991 comments)
    10. Apple tells retail employees not to offer AirPods or Apple Watch try-ons as coronavirus precaution (4372 points, 176 comments)
  7. 101877 points, 17 submissions: exjr_
    1. Major iPhone FaceTime bug lets you hear the audio of the person you are calling, before they pick up (14195 points, 912 comments)
    2. [Megathread] Apple announces iPhone SE (2020), starting at $399 (13416 points, 3748 comments)
    3. Apple exec met with teenager who found FaceTime bug at his Arizona home, will be eligible for bug bounty program (10296 points, 277 comments)
    4. Apple announces Apple Card credit card (9086 points, 2778 comments)
    5. Dark mode is coming to iOS 13 (7033 points, 443 comments)
    6. Report: AirPower Has Entered Production and is Coming Soon (6522 points, 1093 comments)
    7. [Megathread] Apple releasing iOS 14, iPadOS 14, tvOS 14 to the public today! (6419 points, 3992 comments)
    8. After 1475 days of waiting, Apple unveils new Mac mini: quad-core, >32 GB RAM, all SSDs (5583 points, 2242 comments)
    9. Apple releases first public beta of iOS 13 (3912 points, 845 comments)
    10. Apple Apologizes About FaceTime Bug, Software Update With Fix Delayed Until Next Week (3645 points, 351 comments)
  8. 82774 points, 8 submissions: AdamCannon
    1. Tim Cook to white supremacists: 'You have no place on our platforms.' (27245 points, 87 comments)
    2. Apple is acquiring music recognition app Shazam. (16738 points, 835 comments)
    3. Tim Cook calls on FTC to let consumers track and delete their personal data. (16686 points, 808 comments)
    4. Amazon strikes deal with Apple to sell new iPhones and iPads. (5887 points, 433 comments)
    5. Google reportedly paying Apple $9 billion to remain default search engine in Safari on iOS. (4510 points, 591 comments)
    6. Apple reportedly planning three iPhones for 2019, one with new triple camera system. (4303 points, 1147 comments)
    7. Apple CEO Tim Cook is calling for Bloomberg to retract its Chinese spy chip story. (4298 points, 364 comments)
    8. Apple will soon treat online web tracking the same as a security vulnerability. (3107 points, 252 comments)
  9. 67773 points, 1 submission: Wryhta
    1. Join the battle for net neutrality!!! We don’t wanna have to pay for reddit!! Do you part! (67773 points, 485 comments)
  10. 67632 points, 14 submissions: de_X_ter
    1. iPhones on iOS 12 Will Automatically Share Precise Location Data During 911 Calls in United States (14239 points, 446 comments)
    2. iOS 12 to run on everything that runs iOS 11 (9997 points, 1267 comments)
    3. Apple considering offline mode for Siri that could process voice locally on an iPhone (5349 points, 466 comments)
    4. iOS 12 now on 75 percent of compatible devices, hit mark faster than iOS 11 (3984 points, 382 comments)
    5. Apple Advances Face ID to be 'Twin Proof' using Machine Learning, Subepidermal Imaging and more (3965 points, 363 comments)
    6. iOS 12 Installed on 10% of Devices 48 Hours After Launch (3900 points, 515 comments)
    7. A Third Class Action has been filed against Apple in California over MacBook Pro Keyboard Problems (3791 points, 688 comments)
    8. Tim Cook Remembers Steve Jobs on 8th Anniversary of His Death (3580 points, 258 comments)
    9. Kuo: ‘All-new design’ AirPods in 2020, wireless charging model in first quarter 2019 (3383 points, 623 comments)
    10. Apple Offers Free Repairs of Products Damaged in Japan Floods (3168 points, 191 comments)
  11. 61425 points, 8 submissions: iamvinoth
    1. Epic Games says Apple is terminating their developer account and will cut them off from developer tools on August 28th (35950 points, 6190 comments)
    2. Samsung Smart TVs to Launch iTunes Movies & TV Shows and Support AirPlay 2 Beginning Spring 2019 (4209 points, 572 comments)
    3. Judge in Epic vs Apple case says she is “inclined” to NOT grant relief for the Fornite removal (as in, to not force Apple to put it back on the App Store,) but IS “inclined” to not let Apple block Epic from developing/distributing Unreal Engine. Inclined is not a decision. (4102 points, 839 comments)
    4. Apple gives away iPhone XR to the whole audience on The Ellen Show (4064 points, 666 comments)
    5. iOS 13.1, the next (and presumably more stable) version of the software will ship September 24, not September 30 as previously expected & reported. (3539 points, 444 comments)
    6. Rumor: iOS 14 to support all of the same iPhones as iOS 13, including iPhone SE (3237 points, 432 comments)
    7. Apple granted patent for Face ID on Macs, with smart auto-wake feature (3236 points, 324 comments)
    8. Google aware of free original quality HEIC photo backups for iPhones, says it's a 'bug' (3088 points, 512 comments)
  12. 58204 points, 6 submissions: fastforward23
    1. A Message to Our Customers (35610 points, 2071 comments)
    2. Apple switches from Bing to Google for Siri web search results on iOS and Spotlight on Mac (5959 points, 608 comments)
    3. iOS 12 will reportedly include new NFC features, enable iPhones to become secure hotel room keys (5066 points, 416 comments)
    4. Apple Hires Google’s A.I. Chief (5016 points, 477 comments)
    5. Apple CEO Tim Cook: Mac Mini Will Be 'Important Part' of Future Product Lineup (3431 points, 644 comments)
    6. Apple Plans to Use Its Own Chips in Macs From 2020, Replacing Intel (3122 points, 1533 comments)
  13. 54846 points, 11 submissions: speckz
    1. Wavēy — A set of vibrant wallpapers (7536 points, 240 comments)
    2. Apple’s low-carbon aluminum is a climate game-changer - The lightweight metal is chemically the same as the mass-produced version used in products like foil, soda cans, bike frames, and car doors. But it’s made using a process that doesn’t result in the immediate release of greenhouse gases. (7393 points, 446 comments)
    3. Apple’s move to make advertising harder on iOS 14 is part of a trend - Facebook is only the latest developer to feel the squeeze (6156 points, 385 comments)
    4. App tracking alert in iOS 13 has dramatically cut location data flow to ad industry - Apple's initiatives to minimize tracking by marketers is continuing to make life harder for the advertising industry, forcing advertisers to use inefficient data sources to pinpoint users. (5870 points, 312 comments)
    5. This is what Apple should tell you when you lose your iPhone (5648 points, 437 comments)
    6. No, '250 scientists' didn't warn that AirPods are a cancer risk (4533 points, 377 comments)
    7. Apple says its T2 chip can prevent hackers from eavesdropping through your MacBook mic - 12 Closing the lid shuts down the microphone, without fail (4411 points, 602 comments)
    8. Apple gains patent for future iPhones and Apple Watches to act as poisonous gas and CO2 detectors (4225 points, 253 comments)
    9. Source: Apple's planned game subscription service for iOS will only include paid, not freemium, titles, pay developers based on time users spend on their games (3183 points, 208 comments)
    10. Apple's App Store is riddled with fleeceware, the latest trend in scams - Fleeceware is an app that takes advantage of a free trial, which can cost a fortune if you forget to cancel. (3007 points, 304 comments)
  14. 54644 points, 12 submissions: Aki-Baidya
    1. Tim Cook on Twitter: "I'm heartbroken about what's happening in my country. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results. It's time for good people with different views to stop finger pointing and come together to address this violence for the good..." (9589 points, 211 comments)
    2. Apple cofounder Steve Wozniak says the Apple Watch is his 'favorite piece of technology in the world' because he doesn't want to be addicted to his phone. (5562 points, 467 comments)
    3. Steve Jobs pulls out the original MacBook Air out of a manilla envelope at MacWorld '08. (4897 points, 398 comments)
    4. Steve Jobs: "I think everybody in this country should learn how to program a computer, because it teaches you how to think. I view computer science as a liberal art. It should be something that everybody takes a year in their life to learn." (4897 points, 366 comments)
    5. Steve Jobs prank calls Starbucks while demoing Maps application on the original iPhone. (4729 points, 344 comments)
    6. I just go into Jiggle Mode! (4572 points, 184 comments)
    7. Can we all take a moment to appreciate these beautiful animations on Apple's privacy page? (4032 points, 218 comments)
    8. Apple Watch calls 911 as Middletown man falls down cliff on date. (3649 points, 266 comments)
    9. Apple’s Cook Offers Work From Home This Week to Most Staff (3583 points, 269 comments)
    10. Throwback to when Steve Jobs promised that FaceTime would be an open industry standard. (3172 points, 777 comments)
  15. 54186 points, 7 submissions: crushed_oreos
    1. Guys, @tim_cook changed his name to Tim Apple (25587 points, 899 comments)
    2. Nintendo is bringing Mario Kart to smartphones (6409 points, 304 comments)
    3. The Core i9 15 inch MacBook Pro throttles itself (6359 points, 2121 comments)
    4. iMac gets a 2x performance boost (4474 points, 1281 comments)
    5. Belkin finally announces the first third-party USB-C to Lightning cable (4064 points, 423 comments)
    6. Apple to invest $1 billion in new Austin campus (3873 points, 399 comments)
    7. Not So Big in Japan: Apple Cuts Price of iPhone XR to Boost Sales (3420 points, 703 comments)
  16. 53899 points, 7 submissions: heyyoudvd
    1. Apple cancels AirPower product, citing inability to meet its high standards for hardware (31213 points, 3707 comments)
    2. The Epic Games situation, as summarized by Steve Jobs 10 years ago. (5018 points, 625 comments)
    3. Former Apple software engineer creates environmentally-lit user interface (3798 points, 301 comments)
    4. One of Google’s top A.I. people just joined Apple (3687 points, 339 comments)
    5. Twitter is about to kill third party apps like Tweetbot and Twitterrific on June 19th (3666 points, 495 comments)
    6. Apple hiring for Siri engineers just spiked to its highest level ever (3615 points, 304 comments)
    7. Fun fact about Apple and Beats By Dre (2902 points, 336 comments)

Top Commenters

  1. iamthatis (41695 points, 1316 comments)
  2. walktall (41521 points, 266 comments)
  3. eggimage (31550 points, 205 comments)
  4. lynch_kubrick (26853 points, 92 comments)
  5. TheBrainwasher14 (22593 points, 607 comments)
  6. TheMacMan (22142 points, 651 comments)
  7. DMacB42 (21328 points, 39 comments)
  8. NikeSwish (19972 points, 291 comments)
  9. gulabjamunyaar (18270 points, 118 comments)
  10. WinterCharm (17463 points, 528 comments)
  11. ShezaEU (16661 points, 115 comments)
  12. DirectionlessWander (15574 points, 257 comments)
  13. CFGX (15302 points, 42 comments)
  14. tperelli (14876 points, 239 comments)
  15. CameraMan1 (14340 points, 61 comments)
  16. heyyoudvd (14263 points, 177 comments)
  17. Exist50 (13935 points, 1143 comments)
  18. Noerdy (13812 points, 97 comments)
  19. mrv3 (12648 points, 270 comments)
  20. FizzyBeverage (12075 points, 98 comments)
  21. DoctorPepeX (11775 points, 39 comments)
  22. thereturnofjagger (11278 points, 71 comments)
  23. hipposarebig (11239 points, 126 comments)
  24. djbuu (11127 points, 3 comments)
  25. p_giguere1 (10931 points, 111 comments)
  26. kmkmrod (10920 points, 32 comments)
  27. ThannBanis (9939 points, 151 comments)
  28. Twrd4321 (9875 points, 22 comments)
  29. TravelingBurger (9839 points, 61 comments)
  30. Zaindomoon (9833 points, 3 comments)
  31. cocobandicoot (9714 points, 245 comments)
  32. Juswantedtono (9642 points, 126 comments)

Top Submissions

  1. Join the battle for net neutrality!!! We don’t wanna have to pay for reddit!! Do you part! by Wryhta (67773 points, 485 comments)
  2. Fornite has been removed from the App Store after they implemented direct payments by ytuns (41214 points, 6170 comments)
  3. Phone Calls Will Finally Stop Taking Up the Entire Screen in iOS 14 by aaronp613 (39844 points, 1661 comments)
  4. Epic Games says Apple is terminating their developer account and will cut them off from developer tools on August 28th by iamvinoth (35950 points, 6190 comments)
  5. A Message to Our Customers by fastforward23 (35610 points, 2071 comments)
  6. Larry Tesler, the Apple employee who invented cut, copy, paste, dies at 74 by CreeperInTheWindow (34890 points, 1256 comments)
  7. The president just called the CEO of Apple ‘Tim Apple’ by Deshes011 (31798 points, 1204 comments)
  8. Apple cancels AirPower product, citing inability to meet its high standards for hardware by heyyoudvd (31213 points, 3707 comments)
  9. No, Apple, a slightly bent iPad Pro straight out of the box isn't acceptable by jayfreeze7 (28844 points, 1657 comments)
  10. I'm giving away an iPhone 11 Pro to a commenter at random to celebrate Apollo for Reddit's new iOS 13 update and as a thank you to the community! Just leave a comment on this post and the winner will be selected randomly and announced tomorrow at 8 PM GMT. Details inside, and good luck! by iamthatis (28605 points, 88505 comments)

Top Comments

  1. 11853 points: CFGX's comment in No, Apple, a slightly bent iPad Pro straight out of the box isn't acceptable
  2. 10545 points: deleted's comment in HowToPutSpaceBarBack?
  3. 10215 points: djbuu's comment in 11 years ago, Steve Jobs 'scrolling' on the first iPhone drew audible gasps from the crowd.
  4. 9810 points: Zaindomoon's comment in Apple fired the engineer whose daughter released a video of his iPhone X on YouTube
  5. 8675 points: NioPio's comment in A Message to Our Customers about iPhone Batteries and Performance - Apple
  6. 8362 points: jameseachan's comment in Tim Cook will host meeting for all Apple employees to talk iPhone; specifically about the revelations regarding stalling iPhone sales.
  7. 7552 points: deleted's comment in Im so raged right now at Apple
  8. 7512 points: Al_E_Borland's comment in Facebook says Apple's iOS 14 changes could hurt its ad targeting
  9. 7507 points: pm_me_your_sole_pics's comment in Apple reveals new AirPods Pro, available October 30
  10. 6843 points: saucytryhard's comment in Phone Calls Will Finally Stop Taking Up the Entire Screen in iOS 14
Generated with BBoe's Subreddit Stats
submitted by subreddit_stats to subreddit_stats [link] [comments]


2020.10.03 20:29 telewhoops Why understanding Varicoceles can be confusing.

(Hi, I've been lurking on this forum for several months and found it very useful. I've summarised some of the problems that have confused me and others while researching and thought I would share it. Hopefully it will be useful to anyone coming here for the first time who is confused)
Understanding this condition is confusing because of:
  1. Embarrassment. Medical concerns about our genitalia can be embarrassing. They needn't be, but it's not discussed much in public or in the media.
  2. Manhood. Our testicles symbolically represent our manhood. Anything that affects our manhood can be profoundly anxiety producing. Even encountering minor problems can be a shock if you've never thought about it before. (I'm not suggesting varicocele is a minor problem).
3.Early beginnings. Varicoceles often form at a young age making it likely that it's the first (hopefully) medical condition many people seek help for. This means you're put into a world of medical terminology and probability that can be daunting and unending.
  1. The Internet. The vast reams of data and people's experiences can be daunting or.... inspiring. Finding information that is relevant can be hard though. Going through forums can reveal so many opinions, specific problems and conflicting data. The problem affects many people in many different ways: heavy gym-goers, hopeful dads, worrying teens, army recruits, cyclists, people with manual jobs, sedentary jobs and of course average guys over the course of the day.
5.Ignorance. Most of us are pretty unaware of the anatomy of the genitalia which is complex and think of all sorts of theories for what is going on. (My own knowledge is still pretty basic. I've seen lots of diagrams but to the layman it's hard to grasp, especially with different diagrams and different vein functions)
6.Conflicting opinion. Medical opinions differ. Varicocele is a contested area of study and has been for a very long time. Some doctors think it's minor. Others think it should definitely be treated. Some fall in between. There are many studies which seem to call for different strategies. The result - confusion.
7.Old studies. Many medical studies are out of date or proven wrong by later studies. Or just draw weak conclusions. Some doctors will have been educated in previous ways of thinking.
8.Natural Remedies. There are people who recommend natural remedies which sound appealing however they are unproven. Some people certainly believe in them however they are not scientifically proven. Others are just selling them to earn money off of desperate people. (After doing my own research, I am not an advocate of natural remedies beyond having a healthy lifestyle - there's just no evidence!) (I have read some truly wacky and dangerous home remedies, thankfully not on this subreddit though)
9.3 big things. People are concerned about 3 things: fertility, pain and testosterone production. There are numerable studies and opinions about all of these factors. People at different stages of their lives will be more concerned with different ones and to different degrees. This can lead to a lot of confusion with people talking at cross purposes. It also make things difficult deciding on treatment options (or no treatment) if you are concerned about all three factors.
*Testicular atrophy and arrested growth (for adolescents) are also big concerns. I include it here as it seems to be the cause of lower testosterone production and fertility. Luckily for adolescents, doctors are more confident recommending them for treatment as it is more established in medical guidance to avoid arrested growth.
10.Grades. Varicoceles come in grades and can affect both testicles. This means people comparing symptoms and treatments most of the time have different grades, different sides and different symptoms. This can make it difficult to compare yourself with somebody else. There's a lot of info you need to assess what someone is going through!
11.Symptom anxiety. Having other health conditions can make you wonder whether varicocele is linked to those. Or if you're going through puberty, whether it's affecting your growth. Or, as testosterone reduces as you age naturally, you wonder if a varicocele is making it worse. Or, you don't know to what degree it is affecting your fertility. Not knowing can make the imagination run wild and it is anxiety producing not knowing. (During periods of really worrying about it, I felt all sorts of minor pains/sensations that have since disappeared now that I have accepted it and have a more relaxed attitude. Of course that is my own experience, I know a lot of people experience chronic and/or severe pain - that isn't what I experienced.)
12.Variability. Varicoceles get worse at different parts of the day and doing different activities. This can lead to uncertainty about how bad you got it and whether the pain (if you have it) is worth pursuing treatment for.
13.Risks. The risks of treatment. Although embolization and microsurgery are very safe, the thought of it going wrong is terrible. Much like how traveling by plane is scarier than car even though it's safer. The imagination can run wild.
[edit] I have been concerned about radiation during embolisation before but I have discovered it is negligible. Already low doses have been reduced further by technological advancements and improved practices. It pales in comparison to what we absorb over the course of our daily lives.
14.Horror stories. There is a website dedicated to deterring people from embolization. Although I have no doubt the stories on there are real and I feel sorry for the people on there, many of them have had complex medical conditions/allergies that have reacted with treatment. I have been reassured that coil migration is virtually impossible. Practitioners check they are firmly in place during treatment. My guess is that during development of the treatment, coil migration was a concern but that it has now been completely addressed. It is clearly in some peoples interests to stoke fears. If you have ever researched other medical issues, you know that hypochondriacs, the placebo effect and people’s freak occurrences can be taken advantage of by online retailers to sell their products.
15.Different countries. Different countries with different health systems have different preferences for treatment. I myself am in the UK where we have universal healthcare. However, elective treatments are way down on the list of priorities (and I believe cancelled entirely during COVID). Getting the type of tests covered by insurance in the states is unlikely unless you have serious medical conditions. Other countries, of course, have their own set-ups with different prices for surgery and likelihood of getting good medical attention.
[edit] I have been told that insurance in the states isn’t as comprehensive as I first believed. Most providers don’t cover treatment for fertility, only pain. Some doctors will refer you for pain for this reason. You’d have to check individually. My advice for uk residents is to be very proactive with your general practitioner. I mistakenly ignored this problem for a long time because i wasn’t proactive enough with unconcerned gps. I know some people have had success emphasising their pain and seeking a private referral to the NHS which is what I plan on doing post COVID.
16.Doctors not concerned I believe nearly all doctors are trying their best. However, it seems some people meet with doctors who they feel don't take their conditions seriously. They probably honestly think you are fine and they may not have up-to-date information about this condition. I have been passed over by two doctors who don't see varicoceles as a problem. This, as I gather from other peoples' experience, is not uncommon so I will continue to seek treatment until I can get tests. (Although in the current situation in the UK i will probably have to pay for private healthcare)
  1. Failed treatments It can be dispiriting to hear of people’s failed treatments or experience your own. The success rate is so high however it’s really a medical marvel. We’re lucky to live now with embolisation and microsurgery as options. Others with different ailments aren’t nearly so lucky. A failed treatment is really just a stepping stone to a successful one as embolisation can be repeated. We are all at different stages of the process. Microsurgery can be done first or as a backup option but i detect a shift in opinion towards the less invasive embolisation as a first call. Chances are you’ll only need one. (I appreciate i haven’t had treatment yet but these are the facts that lay before me and shape my outlook)
18.Loneliness and excessive worrying It's no fun suffering with something that you don't really want to discuss with anyone. I'm not a squeamish guy or too worried about talking about my privates. But it's not something the general guy would know about. Many people with varicoceles don't even know they have them. I'm also an excessive worrier and researching this condition really got me down. But reading other people's experiences has helped me put things in perspective and this subreddit is a great community that I'm sure has been a great support for a lot of people. There are countless people who have been successfully treated and freed from this condition. I'd like to thank everybody for sharing their knowledge and experiences, especially people who have received treatment successfully and continue to provide information and success stories for the rest of us.
submitted by telewhoops to varicocele [link] [comments]


2020.09.13 15:16 catniagara Mythbuster: Yes, you can be attractive AND awkward. Even friendless.

TL;DR yes, Virginia, there are attractive people online, and they have less friends than you think!
I feel I have to say something because I hear a lot of negativity surrounding looks, from just about everyone I meet. Maybe you've said these things, or heard them:
  1. "Attractive people don't need social skills"
  2. "If I was good looking I wouldn't need to go online looking for social advice."
  3. "I'm ugly. I'll never have any friends"
  4. "There are no attractive people online."
These beliefs are HIGHLY toxic and can lead to a lot of suffering for pretty much everyone. Because when someone says these things, they are also implying the opposite. When you say things like that, people hear things like this:
"If I were better looking, I could treat people like garbage. That is the ultimate goal."
"I am rejecting you. If you're not attractive enough, I'm rejecting you because you make me feel like a loser. If you are attractive enough, there must be something wrong with you."
"I am insulting every attractive person you know and love." Doesn't everyone have that one cousin? It can't just be me. And when people call her "stuck up" and "full of herself" I instantly hate them.
"You must be dumb, ugly, or a loser if you're talking to me"
"I am incredibly superficial."
The truth is that extremely good looking people can be neuro-atypical and they are just as likely to be disliked, physically, mentally and emotionally abused.
This episode of Victorious illustrates how a very good looking person with a terrible attitude can easily strike out. Everything about this scene reminds me of toxic internet communities where attractive guys strike out a lot, and then give terrible advice to other guys who follow it because... They're attractive, they must do better with girls, right? (if you're not familiar with the show, prior to singing this song the girls are being physically crowded and obnoxiously hit on by the two guys they're singing to, and the "nerdy" guy who reminds me of a young weird AL says he needs to take notes because "these guys have game")
No matter who you are, someone is better looking than you. If you don't like the way you look, your perspective toward other people can become poisoned. I modelled and worked as a background actor for most of my life, but I didn't have a boyfriend until my twenties, and I never felt comfortable in relationships. Still don't. I've just learned to understand that it's a "me" problem not a "them" problem, and stopped trying to date.
I was a tall skinny girl with flawless skin, a symmetrical face, nice clothes, a good job, and a history of volunteering for great causes, who had absolutely no friends because I was extremely socially awkward. And because I've learned that if you read the above paragraph and didn't immediately hate me, you probably don't exist.
So for a laugh at the end of this serious discussion, here's my (freaking novel on) how to be so socially awkward that nobody on God's green earth cares how pretty you are:
  1. When someone asks you out, assume it's a cruel joke and they're only trying to get you alone so they can lie to everyone about what happened or hurt you in some way. On the rare occasion that you trust someone, make sure they're the type to do that.
  2. Never hide your emotions. Yell, stomp, cry, or do other alone things in public.
  3. Never make eye contact. If someone forces you to make eye contact, definitely cry.
  4. Whenever you have to give a presentation, start crying, run away and hide in the bathroom. For extra points, freak out so hard you forget to read signs and end up in the opposite gender bathroom.
  5. If at all possible, be prettier than some very jealous popular people. When people comments about how attractive you are, they will use that ammunition to torture you. Extra points if people put them down in the process "wow she's like a hotter version of you" "he's hotter AND nicer than you are"
  6. If you ever do accidentally make friends, stare off into space randomly for long periods of time. Whenever possible, try to be staring directly at someone's face when you get lost in thought.
  7. Sit in close proximity to someone who is jealous of your looks and full of extreme self hate. This person is going to be really helpful in starting rumors and lies about you and who you're sleeping with, making you feel stupid, undermining everything you say, and making you feel small and incompetent. If you're lucky (and I was!) their father will also own the company you work for.
  8. Live in a society where cruelty is socially acceptable as long as the person is rich, famous, or attractive, because they aren't allowed to have real problems.
  9. Have similarly attractive abusive parents who are very good at social manipulation so you learn to hate your looks and everything they stand for.
  10. Extra points if your parents are jealous of the younger version of themselves you represent, so they either thrust you into the world of adults at ten years old "wear a bikini while you still have the pre-teen body for it!" "make Tik Toks in your boxers for mommy and all the pedos!" or keep you locked up like Rapunzel in a tower so you start University never having seen a single meme or met a single person.
  11. Be very afraid of anyone who approaches you and definitely get zeroed in on by the kind of people who seek out terrified victim/tormentor "relationships" What's really cool about this is that they will usually control everything about what you wear and do, so that other people will think you are the perfect spouse (a mindless automaton that does whatever you're told... or else)
  12. Be terrified of being alone. Clinginess. It's so HOT.
  13. Get sick. A lot. Allergies are good, but nothing beats stress vomiting if you really want to have no friends!
  14. Say awkward things. Or psychotic things. Or just mutter under your breath, talk too fast, or stutter when you're nervous. Muttering under your breath is by far the best one, because it definitely makes people feel like you're saying something rude about them and they just didn't hear it.
  15. Become obsessed with body modification. Be that girl with the excessive boob job, or that guy with the surprised wet looking forehead.
  16. Tell the truth excessively. Of course your friend looks terrible in that outfit. Yes, they have put on a few pounds.
  17. Never, ever, EVER let anything go. You spent money to be in the wedding party and they cancelled the wedding? Never shut up about it. Ever.
  18. Make everything about you. Never be there for any of your friends problems which are always less important than yours. Dump people for the slightest indiscretion like ditching you to go to a funeral.
  19. Everyone who disagrees with you is toxic and a horrible person. Especially about hot button topics like eating ketchup with grilled cheese. That's a real friendship ender.
  20. Talk about yourself constantly. Obsess over your hair, body, clothes. Drown people out with your constant complaints about your uneven eye shape, or whatever.
Take these 20 steps to become... That one good looking person on the internet who even gets rejected by the internet for being "too good looking to be here" ;)
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2020.08.26 19:33 TheGrainLantern According to the FBI, “child abuse is almost at an epidemic level.” To show just how bad it is I have started compiling a list of the arrests involving child trafficking, rape and pornography within the United States. This is just the year 2020...

Was anyone else under the impression that pedophilia is fairly uncommon? I tried to list every major pedophilia related bust that I could, and I’m simply shocked. Surprisingly, a large number of these were not reported nationwide, or at all. A lot of the links are from local news outlets, and many are government websites. These stories need more coverage. People need to realize what we’re actually dealing with here. And a reminder that this is a list of U.S. related arrests, charges and indictments in 2020 alone. Also I am still working on and have 6,000 DoJ documents to go through and add to this list....
> Despite rescuing 600 children last year, the FBI says child sex abuse is at epidemic levels where tens of thousands of children are believed to be sexually exploited in the country each year. “The level of paedophilia is unprecedented right now,” Joseph Campbell of the FBI told the BBC. > Campbell, who works in the Criminal Investigation Division, has seen individuals from all walks of life engaged in both child pornography and child exploitation, calling it a problem almost at an epidemic level.”
https://time.com/3978236/american-children-sold-sex/
The sources for are for this post are all local media, state government and municipalities and FBI/DoJ/ICE reports. I have only just started to compile this list. And in that short time I’m rather disgusted to say that the list keeps growing. I am relieved to see these are all arrests, charges and or indictments. However given the lenient charges most child sex offenders receive. I am however, very disturbed to know that in several instances, the abusers were right back out on the streets.
Please feel free to leave any links that you do not see mentioned. I will continue to update this list as I go along. I have done my absolute best to make sure all of the headlines presented are individual and specific cases and not the same case being repeated over different headlines. I have also included the dates of the release to ensure accuracy. I will mention that in compiling this list I have noticed a trend that should come of no shock to many of you. That pedophiles and child a users lurk everywhere and take part in all types of jobs and careers. Specifically those with access to children and even those who are sworn to protect them. Disney employees, teachers, priests, superintendents, police officers, soldiers, politicians, nannies, gang members.
Pedophiles truly are everywhere. And we are without a doubt facing an epidemic of people preying on, abusing, raping and exploiting children.
I have put the dates from most recent (August) to the least (January).
Once again please do not hesitate to add any links that you do not see presented and I will edit them in accordingly. Please do not hesitate to copy and paste this. Do not worry about giving credit. It is the information contained that is of utmost importance.
The U.S. Marshals Service rescued 26 children, located 13 missing kids and arrested nine people in GA on trafficking and kidnapping charges 8/27/2020
HAMILTON MAN ARRESTED FOR POSSESSING AND DISTRIBUTING CHILD PORNOGRAPHY 8/27/2020
Church Bell Ringer Who Played On Celine Dion CD Caught With Child Porn 8/27/2020
North Port man arrested for possession, promotion of child porn 8/27/2020
21 Arrested in NJ Statewide Child Porn Bust Amid COVID-19 Crisis 8/26/2020
2 Broward women arrested on charges involving sex trafficking of minors 8/26/2020
Wheeling man admits to child pornography charge 8/25/2020
Local man arrested for allegedly trafficking in child porn 8/25/2020
WOMAN ARRESTED FOR CHILD SEX TRAFFICKING AFTER TRYING TO SELL TEEN FOR SEX IN PHOENIX 8/24/2020
Hernando sting leads to the arrest of nearly two dozen accused of attempting to meet children for sex 8/21/2020
Serial Child Predator in Philadelphia Sentenced to 25 Years for Producing Child Pornography 8/20/2020
East Hartford Men Charged with Sex Trafficking Minor Victim 8/20/2020
Northport man faces child pornography charges 8/19/2020
Former Bucks County Youth Basketball Coach Sentenced to 20 Years for Child Exploitation Offenses 8/17/2020
FBI tip on child pornography leads to arrest of Beaumont man 8/14/2020
Fenton included in GHOST sting operations yielding 17 arrests Charges include possession of child porn, accosting a child for immoral purposes and using computer to commit a crime 8/14/2020
Killeen Police Arrest Nine Men, Including Three Soldiers, in Child Sex Ring Case 8/14/2020
Federal jury finds Lincoln man guilty of sex trafficking 2 teens, making child porn 8/13/2020
Randolph Man Charged With Production Of Child Pornography 8/13/2020
College Station man admits guilt to multiple charges under Project Safe Childhood 8/13/2020
Two arrested in Meriwether for child pornography 8/13/2020
Northwest Ohio police officer arrested on child-pornography charges 8/13/2020
Federal Jury Convicts Lincoln Man of Sex Trafficking and Child Exploitation 8/12/2020
Reading, PA Man Sentenced to 19+ Years for Stockpile of 200,000+ Images of Child Pornography 8/12/2020
Man charged with possession, distribution of child porn 8/11/2020
Two Fort Hood soldiers among nine arrested in child sex trafficking sting 8/10/2020
Utah man arrested for child sex trafficking via Twitter, Tumblr 8/8/2020
34 arrested in child sex sting; only 9 remain in jail 8/7/2020
MS-13 members from Woodbridge charged in sex trafficking case involving 13-year-old runaway 8/6/2020
2nd Child Sex Trafficking Arrest Made By DC Police, FBI 8/5/2020
Three men arrested on child porn charges in Madison County 8/5/2020
Columbia Mississippi police arrest 7 in child exploitation, human trafficking sting 8/4/2020
Houston man indicted for exploiting toddler 8/4/2020
10 charged in Clayton County child pornography sting 8/4/2020
Officer’s Truckers Against Trafficking Training Led to felony Child Sex Abuse Arrest 8/4/2020
Navy Technician Sentenced to Prison for Sexually Abusing Minor at Groton Sub Base 8/3/2020
Reno man is arrested on sex-trafficking charges in child pornography case 7/30/2020
Starke man arrested for child pornography 7/30/2020
Leon County teacher, several others, arrested on child sex charges in Tallahassee 7/29/2020
‘Operation Predator’ busts eight men for child sex trafficking 7/29/2020
Detectives arrive at Decatur man's home to arrest him on child porn charges, police say 7/24/2020
Rochester Man Pleads Guilty To Possession Of Child Pornography 7/24/2020
Convicted Sex Offender from Underhill Charged with Possessing Child Pornography 7/24/2020
Joint FBI, Texas DPS, and El Paso County Constable’s Office Announce the Results of Operation Cerberus 7/23/2020
Redding Police: Man arrested for possession of child porn 7/22/2020
2 men accused of distributing child pornography 7/21/2020
Former Jackson Police Officer Charged with Enticement of a Minor and Obstruction of an Investigation 7/21/2020
Glendive man admits making child pornography videos 7/21/2020
Baltimore Police Officer Pleads Guilty to Federal Charge of Possession of Child Pornography 7/21/2020
FBI, International Operation Recovers 18 Children From Sex Trafficking Ring 7/17/2020
Polk Cty. Man Arrested For Possessing Sexually Abusive Child Pornography 7/17/2020
Athens man arrested for 60 counts of child porn, human trafficking, incest, more 7/16/2020
More people arrested in Tallahassee child sex, human trafficking investigation 7/15/2020
Ten people, including a candidate, arrested in Tallahassee on variety of child sex crimes 7/14/2020
18th Street gang behind Chester County child sex-trafficking case, court records say 7/13/2020
Florida man indicted for sex trafficking children, online enticement 7/10/2020
Authorities bust human sex trafficking ring in Chester County; girl, 14, rescued 7/10/2020
Federal grand jury indicts 4 men in separate cases of trafficking child porn 7/10/2020
Man sentenced to more than 11 years for sex trafficking of minors 7/8/2020
TEEN'S FACEBOOK MESSAGE TO MOM LED TO SEX TRAFFICKING RESCUE IN CHESTER COUNTY, DISTRICT ATTORNEY SAYS 7/8/2020
Oxnard police arrest man on suspicion of child pornography possession 7/8/2020
Ohio priest indicted on charges of child pornography and juvenile sex trafficking, US attorney says 7/3/2020
Anne Arundel police arrest Glen Burnie man on child pornography charges 7/3/2020
Jeffrey Epstein friend Ghislaine Maxwell arrested on child sex abuse conspiracy, perjury charges 7/2/2020
25 Yr. Old Man Arrested for Promoting Child Pornography 7/1/2020
Child sex trafficking investigation leads to 10 arrests in Yakima County 6/26/2020
Oshkosh man charged for possessing, distributing child pornography one of 65 identified in widespread FBI operation 6/25/2020
Wheelersburg man indicted on child sex trafficking charges 6/25/2020
Nine arrested, charged federally in connection to human trafficking operation involving drugs exchanged for sexual access to children 6/24/2020
Calhoun man arrested accused of 400 counts of Child Pornography, 100 counts of Crimes Against Nature 6/18/2020
Pensacola nanny, porn actress arrested in April now charged with human trafficking 6/17/2020
Disney workers among 16 arrested for possession of child porn, Polk County sheriff says 6/16/2020
Tuscola man faces federal charges of attempted child sex trafficking 6/5/2020
Livingston ISD employee arrested after child porn found on his home computer 6/2/2020
Maryland State Police Arrest Two Men On Child Pornography Charges In Carroll County 5/28/2020
Warwick Man Arrested on Child Pornography Charges 5/21/2020
SJPD Arrests Paraeducator for Possession of Child Pornography 5/21/2020
8 Men Arrested in Child Sex Trafficking Sting 5/19/2020
18 ARRESTED IN MCLENNAN COUNTY FOR SEXUAL EXPLOITATION OF CHILDREN, HUMAN TRAFFICKING 5/14/2020
Hart County Man Arrested on Charges of Sexual Exploitation of Children 4/9/2020
Uni High teacher, cross-country coach arrested on federal child-porn charges 4/3/2020
Oakhurst Man Arrested on Child Pornography Charges 3/13/2020
Multiple arrests in child trafficking investigation 3/6/2020
Walnut Creek arrest reveals secret world of child sex trafficking; girls as young as 9 allegedly being bought and sold in the Bay Area 3/1/2020
GA Man Arrested for Child Exploitation by GBI 3/1/2020
Three men arrested for child sex trafficking, child porn charges in Bloomington 2/25/2020
Wisconsin superintendent arrested on federal sex trafficking, child porn charges 2/24/2020
Charlotte man arrested on sex trafficking, child porn charges 2/20/2020
Valdosta State University dean arrested in child sex sting 2/11/2020
14 men arrested in South Georgia child exploitation sting 2/10/2020
FBI Announces Sex Trafficking Task Force Arrests and Juvenile Recoveries 2/7/2020
518 arrested in California operation targeting child and human traffickers 2/6/2020
Authorities bust child sex ring in Maury County 2/3/2020
27 Arrested in Child Sex Crimes Operation 1/30/2020
Fort Irwin man arrested for possession of child pornography 1/21/2020
VOORHEES MAN ARRESTED AND CHARGED WITH CHILD PORNOGRAPHY 1/16/2020
Grand Island teacher, student arrested in human trafficking, child porn investigation 1/14/2020
Mueller witness George Nader pleads guilty to child porn, sex trafficking 1/13/2020
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2020.08.22 10:30 finnagains Latino Theater Company offers free virtual online season starting August 18, 2020

LOS ANGELES — Pay no attention to this dateline! Although the storied Latino Theater Company is based here, the virtual online season can be accessed literally from wherever you are in the world!
Over the next five months, LTC’s fall season includes streamed, archival footage of fully staged hit productions and live streamed “sneak-peek” readings of upcoming productions—including August 29 about Chicano activist and journalist Ruben Salazar on the 50th anniversary of his death. The calendar also includes live online conversations with company members; and live readings of new plays selected for the company’s annual Unmasking New Works playreading series.
All events are scheduled, on the respective dates listed below, to take place at 7 p.m. PT / 10 p.m. ET. All events are free and will be available for viewing at www.thelatc.org/. At the bottom you will find the complete schedule. Keep it handy!
The season opens on Tues., Aug. 18, with an archival video presentation of LTC’s 2014 production of Premeditation, a dark romantic comedy written by resident company playwright Evelina Fernández and directed by LTC artistic director José Luis Valenzuela.
Fifty percent of marriages end in divorce. But how many end in murder? A follow-up, online conversation with the artists will take place on Weds., Aug. 19.
Tues., Aug. 25, will see streaming archival video of the 2009 Los Angeles Times “Critic’s Choice” production of Solitude, also written by Fernández and directed by Valenzuela, with a follow-up conversation on Weds., Aug. 26. Inspired by a collection of essays on Mexican thought and identity by Octavio Paz, Solitude explores love, death, destiny and family through a contemporary lens, accompanied by live music from cellist Semyon Kobialka.
On Fri., Aug. 28, tune in for a sneak-peek reading of August 29, a play named for the date in 1970, exactly 50 years ago, when Los Angeles Times columnist Ruben Salazar was killed while covering the Chicano Moratorium, a large Chicano-led anti-war demonstration in East L.A. In the play, a university professor is writing a book on the life of Salazar. As she writes, those days from the late 1960s and early 1970s come to life, helping her recall the past and challenging her to renew her activism.
The reading will be preceded by a live, online conversation on Thurs., Aug. 27. Written and first produced in 1990 by members of the LTC, then known as the Latino Theater Lab, August 29 was initially announced to open this month at the Los Angeles Theatre Center and is now scheduled to receive a fully staged production in 2021.
September opens with an archival video of La Olla on Tues., Sept. 1, followed by an online conversation on Weds., Sept. 2; and a sneak-peek reading of The Last Angry Brown Hat by Alfredo Ramos on Fri., Sept. 4, preceded by an online conversation on Thurs., Sept. 3. Fernández and Valenzuela again team up for La Olla, adapted from the Roman comedy The Pot of Gold by Plautus and inspired by the Rumberas films of the golden age of Mexican cinema.
The LTC incorporates its distinctive style of comedy, music, dance and imagery to explore one of the most basic aspects of human behavior—greed—as a bit player in a shady 1950s L.A. nightclub finds a pot full of cash. In The Last Angry Brown Hat, four former members of the Brown Berets, a 1960s militant Chicano civil rights organization, reunite after the funeral of a pal. Together, they confront the dichotomy between their youthful anger and radicalism, and their current, more conformist lives filled with adult responsibilities.
Archival footage of This is a Man’s World, a semi-autobiographical coming-of-age story written and performed by LTC founding company member Sal Lopez, is scheduled for Tues., Sept. 8, followed by an online conversation with Lopez on Weds., Sept. 9; and a sneak-peek reading of SHE, a new coming-of-age drama by Los Angeles-based emerging playwright Marlow Wyatt on Fri., Sept. 11, preceded by an online conversation on Thurs., Sept. 10. In Lopez’s candid and intimate performance, music and memory swirl as he relives the lessons that shaped his life, from the scent of a pirul tree in Mexico to the thrill of young love to the effects of the Watts Riots and the birth of his son.
In SHE, in a small town filled with poverty and neglect, 13-year-old SHE escapes by reimagining her reality through poetry, until, forced to make her own way, she discovers that dreams cos—and you don’t always pay with money. Like August 29, the on-stage world premiere of SHE has been postponed until next year.
La Víctima was the first show ever produced by the Latino Theater Company, in 1985. Created by El Teatro de la Esperanza, a company that helped define Chicano theater and an entire generation of theater professionals, it’s a groundbreaking look, infused with humor, music and dance, at the history of Mexican-U.S. immigration from the intimate perspective of two families.
Watch archival footage of the 2010 revival featuring the late Lupe Ontiveras (Selena, Desperate Housewives), who was one of LTC’s founding company members, on Tues., Sept. 15, followed by an online conversation on Weds., Sept. 16. LTC will produce a second revival of La Víctima, in collaboration with students from UCLA’s School of Theater Film and Television and the East Los Angeles College Theater Arts Department, when the company resumes production on the Los Angeles Theatre Center stage in 2021.
On Fri., Sept. 18, catch a sneak-peek reading of the newest play by Evelina Fernández: Sleep with the Angels. Molly is separated from her husband and in desperate need of a childcare provider. Then she discovers Juana standing at her doorstep.
Soon, Molly and her kids are swept up into Juana’s magical and charming ways. But who is Juana, really? A pre-reading online conversation is set for Thurs., Sept. 17.
Tues., Sept. 22 brings archival video footage of last season’s Home, writeperformer Nancy Ma’s coming-of-age tale about growing up sandwiched between two cultures.
Desperately seeking approval from her Chinese Toisan immigrant family, Nancy journeys away from her home in New York City’s Chinatown in search of the American dream, only to learn that you can only find “home” when you accept where you come from. Join Ma and director Geoffrey Rivas for an online conversation on Weds., Sept. 23. A sneak-peek reading of Just Like Us by Karen Zacarías is set for Fri., Sept. 25, with the online conversation preceding it on Thurs., Sept. 24.
Based on Helen Thorpe’s bestselling book of the same name, this documentary-style play follows four Latina teenage girls, two of whom are documented and two who are not, through young adulthood. Their close-knit friendships begin to unravel when immigration status dictates the girls’ opportunities—or lack thereof. The previously announced Los Angeles premiere will now take place at the Los Angeles Theatre Center in 2021.
Archival footage of Evelina Fernández’s Los Angeles Times “Critic’s Choice” and Los Angeles Drama Critics award-winning The Mother of Henry will stream on Tues., Sept. 29, followed by an online conversation on Weds., Sept. 30. Travel back to the working-class melting pot of East L.A. of the 1960s where five diverse employees in the returns department at the iconic Boyle Heights Sears form a tight bond as they cope with upheaval in their personal lives, their community and the rapidly changing world around them during the course of one tumultuous and historic year, 1968.
For eight weeks, Oct. 1-Nov. 20, LTC will stream its Unmasking New Works playreading series every Fri., with a preceding online conversation set for the Thurs. prior to each reading. An announcement went out last month seeking submissions of full-length plays that both reflect the full range of diverse communities and life in Los Angeles and are written by Los Angeles-based playwrights. The company received 61 submissions, and the selection process is currently underway. A final schedule with play titles will be announced in September.
During the first three weeks of Oct., the LTC will stream all three parts of Evelina Fernández’s epic A Mexican Trilogy. Part 1, Faith, will stream on Tues., Oct. 6; Part 2, Hope, will stream on Tues., Oct. 13; and Part 3, Charity, will stream on Tues., Oct. 20.
Travel with the Morales family through decades of the Mexican-American experience, from a remote mining town in Arizona during World War II, to the Phoenix family home during the Cuban Missile Crisis, and, finally to Los Angeles following the death of Pope John Paul II in 2005.
A Mexican Trilogy is the winner of the Los Angeles Drama Critics Circle’s Ted Schmitt Award and is published by Samuel French. Each of the three streamed productions will be followed by an online conversation the following day: for Faith on Weds., Oct. 7; Hope on Weds., Oct. 14; and Charity on Weds. Oct. 21.
The last week of Oct., on Tues., Oct. 27, LTC will stream archival footage of Dementia, with the online conversation set for Weds., Oct. 28. Written by Evelina Fernández and directed by José Luis Valenzuela, Dementia was first produced in 2002, garnering a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Theater Production and four Ovation nominations; it was revived by LTC in 2010 (Los Angeles Times “Critic’s Choice”) and again in 2017.
This innovative play tackles topics taboo in the Latino community, including homosexuality, AIDS, teen pregnancy and euthanasia—all through the Latino Theater Company’s uniquely styled lens.
Closing out the season on Fri., Dec. 11, will be archival video of LTC’s signature holiday pageant, La Virgen de Guadalupe, Dios Inantzin, which has taken place annually since 2002 at downtown L.A.’s Cathedral of Our Lady of the Angels.
Adapted for the stage by Evelina Fernández from the mid-16th century text The Nican Mopohua and performed in Spanish with English subtitles, La Virgen is the City of L.A.’s largest theatrical holiday production with over 100 actors, singers and indigenous Aztec dancers as well as children and seniors from the community. Join the tens of thousands who have become transfixed by the story of Juan Diego, a simple peasant to whom the Virgin Mary appeared on four occasions in the mountains of Tepeyac near Mexico City in 1531.
A Los Angeles Times “Critic’s Choice,” the production has been featured by The New York Times, American Theatre, Univision, Telemundo and Fox News among many others. An online conversation on Thurs., Dec. 10 will precede the event.
The LTC is dedicated to providing a world-class arts center for those pursuing artistic excellence; a laboratory where both tradition and innovation are honored and honed; and a place where the convergence of people, cultures and ideas contributes to the future. Now in its 34th year, LTC has operated the Los Angeles Theatre since 2006.
All Fall 2020 Virtual Season events are free and will be available for viewing at www.thelatc.org/.
Below is an easy-to-read schedule of events.
The Latino Theater Company Fall 2020 Virtual Season Schedule at-a-glance. Note: All programs start at 7 p.m. PT / 10 p.m. ET.
Tues., Aug. 18: Archival Video Presentation—Premeditation Weds., Aug. 19: Online Conversation—Premeditation
Tues., Aug. 25: Archival Video Presentation—Solitude Weds., Aug. 26: Online Conversation—Solitude
Thurs., Aug. 27: Online Conversation—August 29 Fri., Aug. 28: Online Reading—August 29
Tues., Sept. 1: Archival Video Presentation—La Olla Weds., Sept. 2: Online Conversation—La Olla
Thurs., Sept. 3: Online Conversation—The Last Angry Brown Hat Fri., Sept. 4: Online Reading—The Last Angry Brown Hat
Tues., Sept. 8: Archival Video Presentation—This is a Man’s World Weds., Sept. 9: Online Conversation—This is a Man’s World
Thurs., Sept. 10: Online Conversation—SHE Fri., Sept. 11: Online Reading—SHE
Tues., Sept. 15: Archival Video Presentation—La Víctima Weds., Sept. 16: Online Conversation—La Víctima
Thurs., Sept. 17: Online Conversation—Sleep with the Angels Fri., Sept. 18: Online Reading—Sleep with the Angels
Tues., Sept. 22: Archival Video Presentation—Home Weds., Sept. 23: Online Conversation—Home
Thurs., Sept. 24: Online Conversation—Just Like Us Fri., Sept. 25: Online Reading—Just Like Us
Tues., Sept. 29: Archival Video Presentation—The Mother of Henry Weds., Sept. 30: Online Conversation—The Mother of Henry
Thurs., Oct. 1: Online Conversation—Unmasking New Works Reading Series, Script #1 Fri., Oct. 2: Online Reading—Unmasking New Works Reading Series, Script #1
Tues., Oct. 6: Archival Video Presentation—A Mexican Trilogy Part 1: Faith Weds., Oct. 7: Online Conversation—A Mexican Trilogy Part 1: Faith
Thurs., Oct. 8: Online Conversation—Unmasking New Works Reading Series, Script #2 Fri., Oct. 9: Online Reading—Unmasking New Works Reading Series, Script #2
Tues., Oct. 13: Archival Video Presentation—A Mexican Trilogy Part 2: Hope Weds., Oct. 14: Online Conversation—A Mexican Trilogy Part 2: Hope
Thurs., Oct. 15: Online Conversation—Unmasking New Works Reading Series, Script #3 Fri., Oct. 16: Online Reading—Unmasking New Works Reading Series, Script #3
Tues., Oct. 20: Archival Video Presentation—A Mexican Trilogy Part 3: Charity Weds., Oct. 21: Online Conversation—A Mexican Trilogy Part 3: Charity
Thurs., Oct. 22: Online Conversation—Unmasking New Works Reading Series, Script #4 Fri., Oct. 23: Online Reading—Unmasking New Works Reading Series, Script #4
Tues., Oct. 27: Archival Video Presentation—Dementia Weds., Oct. 28: Online Conversation—Dementia
Thurs., Oct. 29: Online Conversation—Unmasking New Works Reading Series, Script #5 Fri., Oct. 30: Online Reading—Unmasking New Works Reading Series, Script #5
Thurs., Nov. 5: Online Conversation—Unmasking New Works Reading Series, Script #6 Fri., Nov. 6: Online Reading—Unmasking New Works Reading Series, Script #6
Thurs., Nov. 12: Online Conversation—Unmasking New Works Reading Series, Script #7 Fri., Nov. 13: Online Reading—Unmasking New Works Reading Series, Script #7
Thurs., Nov. 19: Online Conversation—Unmasking New Works Reading Series, Script #8 Fri., Nov. 20: Online Reading—Unmasking New Works Reading Series, Script #8
Thurs., Dec. 10: Online Conversation—La Virgen de Guadalupe, Dios Inantzin Fri., Dec. 11: Archival Video Presentation—La Virgen de Guadalupe, Dios Inantzin
All Fall 2020 Virtual Season events are free and will be available for viewing at www.thelatc.org/.
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2020.08.17 17:07 READMYSHIT The Creep Dive Episode Guide

Date Title Cassie Sophie Jen Sidebars and guest stars Creep of the Week
1 12/12/2018 Canoe Believe It?? Alan Rickman never read Harry Potter John Darwin faked his own death in a canoeing accident Seamus on ket with Mary McAleese (Twitter thread)
2 12/12/2018 GP-OH My God who is SHE Samantha Azzopardi pays a visit to Ireland. One of many as she scammed her way around the world An outtake from This is Going to Hurt: Secret Diaries of a Junior Doctor. Woman eats placenta (or blood clots)
3 12/12/2018 A Tale Too Tragic Tania Head, woman who claimed to be a survivor of the attacks on the World Trade Center on September 11 The Juggalos (Insane Clown Posse) Christians in disguise Reddit Guy meets the Devil. Black Mercedes Cassie reveals she used to be Born Again Christian. Jen's personal Angel, Happy Acres
4 11/01/2019 The American Dream or The American Peen What Ever Happened To: Lorena and John Wayne Bobbit. (Wife cuts off husband's dick after he raped her) Swiss cheese Pervert. Man would like a cheesey wank
5 11/01/2019 11 Lies and Counting Warrior Eli. Epic catfish story of a supermom who turned out to be teenager, Emily Dear Sinead O'Connor and Prince had a pillow fight. Prince takes it too far Jen first reveals she was a catfish/troll
6 11/01/2019 A 17 Year Old Mystery Solved by Sleuths Mystery of Lyle Stevik's suicide solved by DNA Doe Testing Ray's Death Documentary (admission of murder). Lady of the Dunes
7 25/01/2019 A Story Blown Wildy Out of Proportion Jimi Heselden segways into the afterlife. Rebba Burger maimed and killed from a whipped cream thing Lambo. Weird radio book review, hosted by Gay Byrne in which Gery Ryan allegedly kills a lamb A man fashions a flying saucer with helium balloons and sends his son flying off for attention
8 01/02/2019 An Unholy Hypocrite, The Dungarvan Angel of Death Travis the Troubled Teen David Matheson, former gay conversion therapist, comes out as gay Fr Michael Kennedy fakes an AIDS epidemic in Waterford. Gets the attention of Princess Diana Travis, the chimp and Creep Dive mascot (a classic!)
9 09/02/2019 The Greatest Writer that Never Was James Frey, A Million Little Pieces (fake memoir) Story of JT LeRoy (racoon penis) Dan Mallory (fake memoir)
10 15/02/2019 The Randy Mr. Hands How Joe Manuella Found Love, Robert De Niro impersonator Mr. Hands! Guy gets killed from bottoming a horse Ellen Coyne and Cassie become friends via Twitter
11 22/02/2019 The Curious Case of Crack Addict Jimmy(part 1) The Girl Who Predicted Her Own Death Tickling endurance competitions funded my some omnipotent millionaire (who obviously has a fetish)
12 22/02/2019 The Curious Case of Crack Addict Jimmy (part 2) That time the Washington Post had a Pulitzer briefly. Janet Cooke and the 8 year old heroin addict
13 01/03/2019 The Fine Line Between Exoneration and Execution The story of Cameron Todd Willingham (a innocent man sentenced to death) Pissing and menstrating in the Stuart era (not Victorian, Jen)
14 08/03/2019 The MSN Murder Mystery Momo: Online Suicide Game MSN Murder. Girl kill herself after online bullying, turns out to be a neighbourhood mom Elizabeth and Theranos
15 15/03/2019 Who Let the Cat Out The Noid, the Domino's mascot that led to a murder Mary Bale: Cat in the Wheelie Bin Topsy the Elephant: Tesla vs Edison
16 22/03/2019 Oyster Man, A Salacious Sausage Fest and A Con Confidence (Creep Live #1) Nicholas Barclay AKA Frédéric Bourdin (missing child imposter) Armin Meiwes, German cannibal Oyster Man (Dublin creep!)
17 01/04/2019 A Haunted Hormonal Teen, A Slender Bender, A Mother Love to Death (Creep Live #2) Dee Dee Blanchard murder by her daughter, seemingly incapacitated, Gypsy Rose. Enfield Haunting, poltergeist in a North London council house Slenderman possee
18 05/04/2019 Who is Timmothy Pitzen?? Disappearance and reappearance (???) of Timmoth Pitzen Christine Chubbuck, suicide on live TV Ford has a horn for Edison
19 12/04/2019 The Beautiful Lie Florida Man, pancake guy Belle Gibson, noted scammer Coco the Gorilla: artist, photographer and communicator
20 21/04/2019 There's a Catfish in the Water Lincoln Lewis catfish, Lydia Abdelmalek The most awkward book club of all time Girl with no vainga gets impreganted from a knife
21 27/04/2019 A Sasquatch, A Tinder Date With a Cannibal and The Life and Ruin of Anna Nicole Smith The Anna Nicole Smith Story Sasquatch Origin Story
22 04/05/2019 Friends From The College Cult Larry Ray: Creepy Dad Cult Whatever Happened to Baby Tyler?
23 11/05/2019 A Love As Deep As The Sea, A Shared Twinsanity and Better The Catfish You Know? Sabina & Ursula: Murderous Swedish Twins Suicide of Megan Meier Some people really love dolphins
24 18/05/2019 The Cat’s Out of The Bag for The Internet’s Maddest Man A Catfish Love Triangle (that ends in murder) The Luka Magnotta Story Jeremy Kyle
25 27/05/2019 The Secret Russian ‘Super Army’ and A Fertility Doctor Who Took Things Into His Own Hands Dr. Cline, fertility doctor who takes matters into his own hands Russian science experiment to create super humans (humanzee) Belle Gibson update (ep. 19)
26 01/06/2019 Larry and The Lawnchair of Dreams The eponymous Larry, an instant classic creep (that is not creepy at all) Moby
27 07/06/2019 The World’s Worst Baby Snatcher and The Ill-Prepared Cannibal Another Catfish Love Triangle and Baby Heist Isa Sagawa: A Cannibal in Paris
28 15/06/2019 Why You Should Never Let Granny Do The Ouija Board Story of Anna Delvy, epic swindler Ouija Board Murder Whale dick tentacle and the guy who honours a dead murderer (Twitter Thread)
29 21/06/2019 A Dead Man, A Cipher, a Mystery Somerton Man: Mystery Australian Man and an Undeciphered Code Ariel Castro kidnappings Delivery Man Haunts Cabin Groom kids on brides dress
30 28/06/2019 It’s Never Plain Sailing The Disappearance of Brian Swanson (into another dimension?) #blueball A shark buffet Juliane Koepcke, the sole survivor of a plane crash that left her stranded in the Amazon Rainforest Boris Johnson
31 07/07/2019 The Lost Family, The Last Eunuch and the Lust for the High Life Tromp Family Road Trip. Australian family collectively lose their mind A Philanthropic Couple with a Secret in the Attic Sun Yaoting; the last Eunuch of China.
32 11/07/2019 A Trio of Clones, Coercion and Courtship A shitty first-date The McDonald's-Nude Heist The phenomenon of a group of self cloning crayfish
33 19/07/2019 Brain-Eating Zombies, The Boy Who Tried to Blow Up Bjork and a Beary Bad Idea Story of Björk's would-be assassin Timothy Treadwell: Bear Enthusiast Furries and Brain eating zombie fungus Grunting man in a gimp suit
34 27/07/2019 A Priceless Love Affair and Something of a Pickle Debbie Montgomery Johnson get defrauded millions in an online dating scam Peeing and pooping in space. Creepy nudes escalates quick (to murder)
35 04/08/2019 Jen’s Solo Ghost Story the tale of Dear David, a creepy child ghost who has been haunting the hallways of illustrator Adam Ellis Horse Girl
36 11/08/2019 When a Dream Life Turns Into a Weird and Creepy Nightmare Dream House goes sour with letters from an ominous writer called, The Watcher Mystery Stripper Jen has the inside scoop on Area 51 Scout's arrival! Woof Canadian Serial Killers
37 18/08/2019 The Hero Who Didn't Know His Name and a Real Life Dr. WHO?? Story of Jean-Claude Romand: Murderer and Imposter Creep Dine With Me: Megan and Hazel. The story of Steven Stayner
38 01/09/2019 Don't Bookmark Your Murder Tips and a Real Life Mission Impossible How to not get away with murder (Daniel Brophy) Personal creep with creepy neighbour and a never ending gift exchange A missionary who get murdered by the Sentinelese
39 09/09/2019 A Twist in The Tale, The Devil Down Under and A Wild Slide A Catfish With a Happy Ending Mysterious Death of Phoebe Handsjuk Deal the Devil Downunder,Story of Michael Atkins and Matthew Leveson
40 13/09/2019 Move Over Travis, There’s a Bad Badger in Town and The Sad Tale of The Sorry Cannibals Caroline Calloway content! Alive: The reluctant cannibals The antics of Stoffel the honey badger
41 20/09/2019 British Fairies, Irish Con Artists and Asian Angels Cassie's Personal Creep and Misadventure in Berlin (featuring Moe) An Irish Kidnapping The Cottingley Fairy Hoax
42 28/09/2019 When a loving Christian family inadvertently adopt a 22 year old sociopath with violent tendencies The tale of Natalia Grace, a Ukrainian Orphan with dwarfism #childdeception Helen Bailey: Author who penned her own death Jacob Barnett, Child Prodigy
43 06/10/2019 The Girl...Who Laughed...As A Man Got Sewn Into The Body of a Horse Story of Nathan Carman and a Sunken Boat A Runaway Bride Countess Elizabeth Báthory, World worst female serial killer? Carl Beach, Richard Madely
44 15/10/2019 What Happens When You Exorcise a Mild Mannered Michael? (Creep Live #3) Ireland's Own Bermuda Triangle An exorcism gone wrong Goose on the Loose! A goose named Andy
45 21/10/2019 A Guest Ghost Story and The Haunted Spots of Dublin Dutch Family in a Basement (and assorted ghost stories) Creep Dine With Me: Fainche. A Dublin 8 Haunting
46 26/10/2019 The Tragedy of the Triplets A tragic tale of triplets and a social experiment Haunted Nazi Dummy
47 31/10/2019 A Catfish Convict, Dawn of The Ed and a Goat Gets Giddy for Piss - It’s our Halloween Spooktacular! Rape Ads, Fake Sonograms, and a Catfisher’s Web of Lies Ed Gein, his mother and the inspiration for Psycho A goat with a penchant for piss (human piss)
48 12/11/2019 An Amuse Bouche of Creep Catch Ups AND The Human Baby Zoo Update on Belle Gibson (ep. 19) Canadian Quintuplets (Human Baby Zoo) Update on Ukrainian Orphan (ep. 42) T.I. (obsessed with daughter's hymen)
49 17/11/2019 The Greatest No-Show-Man and the Mighty Meaty Murderer Threatin, metal band on world tour (with no audience but great hair) Joe Metheny: a mighty meaty murder #serialkiller Donegal Creeps caught climbing a hospital to ouija
50 25/11/2019 Oh No! Where Did Moe Go? Moe Davis: Another chimp fiasco. Travis 2.0 (ep. 8)
51 03/12/2019 A Haunted Galway Baby, a Mystery Man in Sligo and The Spine Tingling Story of the Sleepless Russians (Creep Live #4) Peter Bergmann, a mystery man in Sligo reminiscent of Somerton Man (ep. 29) #blueball Haunted Galway baby #haunted Russian sleep deprivation experiment (this is pretty harrowing) Harry meets the Creeps for the first time Dick Dicker: Unabomber meets Mr. Hands
52 06/12/2019 A Life Heavy on Lies, Light on Lols Jennifer Pan, a Vietnamese-Canadian teen kills her parents (well one of them) Dave, the randy duck
53 17/12/2019 The Woman Who Accidentally Solved Her Own Mystery Disappearance Netty Nance accidently solves her own kidnapping (spoiler: it was her own "mother") Carlos Mariotti and a novel idea to save his mangled hand (spoiler: it doesn't work) Public Universal Friend. First recorded case of non-binary person? Mommy blogger swindles Shauna Sex Síopa!
54 05/01/2020 The Cannibal Cop and A January Assortment of Creeps Cassie tricks a girl into think she's going to Disney Gilberto Valle, the cannibal cop, caught via chat room #cannibal People used to post their kids around! Jeffrey Epstein. German ladies who set a zoo ablaze and killed 20 primates
55 10/01/2020 Too Many Mothers, Too Much Motherly Love and A Small Town Scandal with Massive Consequences Creep Live #5) Bobby Dunbar went missing but when he reappeared to mothers came forward to claim Barbara Daly Baekeland gets murdered (and fucked?) by her son #murder #incest The mysterious Circleville letters #murder #blueball Jen gets send a video of a man fucking a chicken Tiny Indonesian man convicted of the most amount if rapes
56 17/01/2020 Three Cheers for Murder Dying killing to be popular. Cheer leader murder! Karla Homolka, Canada's only female serial killer (this was just an off the cuff creep) One of our very own creepettes has their dog fucked by some local scoundrel :( Cork Christmas Party Shenanigans!
57 25/01/2020 Your Mother Sucks Creep In Hell True Stories behind the production of The Exorcist Jen creeps her own parasite which she definitely didn't get in Centra Parcs Terry McMahon goes on a tirade by his feminist daughter
58 31/01/2020 You Can't Make A Dick Out Of The American Penal System Steven Jay Russell, amazing story of the man who escaped from prison multiple times Andrea Mara; the man who faked his MIL out the car window, armchair sleuths and just how dire your Google search history gets when you kill fictional people for a living Belle Gibson update! She's Muslim now (ep. 19)
31/01/2020 The Creep Hive #1 Jen helps her housemate pee in New Zealand Tampon Girl!!
59 07/02/2020 Who’s side are you on? Story of Ursula Hermann: the German equivalent of Madeleine McCann. Epic creep Sophie admits she ate a raw rasher thinking it was parma ham Some people have non-verbal thought (mini Twitter thread) Graham Linehan (Glinner)
07/02/2020 The Creep Hive #2: The Casualties of The Swan The Sur-jury, The Swan and other horrific reality shows
60 14/02/2020 A Prince and a Perfect Murder Chris Benoit Canadian wrestler. Double murder suicide Shawna from Sex Siopa to share a big juicy salacious royal affair. A lot of creeps reported their mothers fed them raw sausages
15/02/2020 The Creep Hive #3: Schofe's done a runner Cassie discusses her sexuality and everyone cries "Showgirls came out at a very key point in my life" Phillip Schofield literally does a runner
61 21/02/2020 The world’s most badass backpacker, Ireland’s biggest ever manhunt and hotdog handjobs (Creep Live #6) Brendan O'Donnell: Ireland's Biggest Manhunt #serialkiller Kari Ferrell: Hipster Grifter. Gets employed by Vice and exposed Salt Creek Kidnapping. Backpackers take revenge #violence All dogs and the Dublin guy faked an abduction of an elderly person
22/02/2020 The Creep Hive #4: Never trust a Murphy Bed Dead tired, people who've died in Murphy beds!
62 28/02/2020 And it was all cum and paper mâché (Creep Live #7) Gerard John: some local prisoners pose as a young woman and blackmail and fragile young man. Alex Malarkey goes into a coma after a car accident. When he wakes he claims to have met Jesus in Heaven... Man struggles to keeping his wife suitably embalmed Jen discusses laying eggs Katie Hopkins getting the CUNT award
01/03/2020 The Creep Hive #5: Hope Springs Terminal Duffy was kidnapped :( Psychologist hides camera on women with Munchausen Jen says I brought poppers to a live show but it was Cool Swan. Twitter thread about guys pissing in their mouths Sarah, the creep transition year student tells us about Hope Ybarra, Munchausen mom Carlow Judicial System. 73 year old mad jailed for ramming car parked on path
63 07/03/2020 Hike Life Nightmare and The OG Love is Blind Sun Myung Moon and the Church of Unification. It's the Moonies! A Russian Misadventure. 9 hikers die mysteriously in the northern Ural mountains Youtuber faked his girlfriend's death. 21 year old Stephanie impersonates her granny (after she's murdered)
07/03/2020 The Creep Hive #6: Joint custody Cassie meets LeBron James Joint Custody. John Wood mummifies his own leg. The ultimate creep craft.
64 13/03/2020 The OG Disease Spreader: It's Typhoid Mary Sherry Pie turns out to be a super creep (in a really bad way) and has now caused an editing nightmare for producers. Typhoid Mary, famed asymptomatic carrier Putin brings in a new law so he can rule for forever.
13/03/2020 The Creep Hive #7: CAVERN OF PUSS Cassie worked in a residential care home. Patient double dosed a suppository which "activated" as Cassie helped her into a wheel chair. PERI-RECTAL ABSCESS. Arguably one of the most disgusting creeps of all time
65 20/03/2020 A mad story about a mad (cow) disease, a smooth criminal and an underground mission with hilarious consequences Dan Cooper Hijacked a Boeing 727 aircraft in the northwest of the US; jumps out with thousands of dollars and is never seen again Mad Cow Disease and Doctor Daniel Carleton Gajdusek who goes to "help" Papua New Guinea and turns out ot be a paedophile School boys finds a secret warren under their school... A misadventure ensues
20/03/2020 Creep Live Online #1: A Town of Ticking Teenagers, Serial Turder and Mayhem at The Spa Mystery illness takes over town in North New York Sophie's top 3 getting stuck in toilet stories Woman gets naked and lost in spa
27/03/2020 Creep Live Online #2: The most haunted creep of the year
66 29/03/2020 Crafting conspiracies, cult clans and the game show killer Big Crafting is actually a Russian Propaganda Machine Rodney Alcala serial rapist, killer and gameshow contestant Taina Licciardo-Toivola: Annoying Aryian Cult family on YouTube
67 07/04/2020 The long (penis) and short (life) of your favourite covid meme and the mighty Michael that would not die Michael Malloy, the sturdy Irish fella in New York who proved to be un-murderable (well, almost Wardy Joubert, everyones favourite (well-endowed) naked covid meme (who's dead) Harry offically appointed alpha creep!
68 12/04/2020 More Tiger King, a YouTube Doll Debacle and Did Sophie Find D.B. Cooper? Inspired by recent haunted dolls on the hive, Cassie dives into internet sensation, Venus Angelic The Stars of Tiger King: An Epilogue
69 19/04/2020 Snitches get stitches and when internet comments destroy lives Would you provide an alibi for a loved one? Trevor Hardy - The Beast of Manchester (and his brother) The Inception of FaceBook Commentary: tangled history of internet smear campaign Kelsey Grammar maybe into pegging "It's very unfortunate for the mens. Their G-spot is up their ass hole and they're just going to have to get over it." -Cassie Delaney Eamon Holmes (5G) and the gardaí (posting photos of sun bathers)
70 26/04/2020 In The Shadow of the Truth Lies the Statue of Liberty Bling Water! Your water is dead, you fools Lisa helps Sophie with a follow up to Molly from Sophie's previous creep The Mandela Effect. Are we all in hell/purgatory/multiple dimensions/simulated world This episode has more filler than actual creeps but was no less enjoyable. Sophie, my handle is @Harry_birdboy. Cassie, I'll hug you! Gemma O'Doherty
71 06/05/2020 Shipman the shit man Crimes that happen in the virtual world that cross over into reality and suicide pact community killer Harold Shipman, world's most prolific (and boring) serial killer Gemma O'Doherty again (but she gets owned by Dublin airport on Twitter)
72 12/05/2020 Beta Theta Pi? More like Beta Theta Die and the Glow Up with Deadly Consequences Beta Theta Pi, Penn State University. Hazing ends in death :( Sophie loves horror. Tells the real life story behind Scream. (Impromtu creep!) Radium Girls!
73 19/05/2020 Walk like a reincarnated Egyptian also that time a squirrel ate some guys nuts Dorothy Eady, the reincarnation of an Egyptian priestess.Cassie is mean to her mother Creep Confectionary is now a thing. Sophie seeds the idea for a Toast Podcast. Sophie presents a gaggle of gals cat-fishing some terrorists Man gets balls eaten by squirrels Jen and Sophie want to host their own Most Haunted. Cassie protests, as usual Camilla and Prince Charles talk dirty
74 26/05/2020 Don't anger a Karen, canal creeps and the parents who put the kid in kidnapping Shannon Matthews, Karen Matthews has her own daughter kidnappped while she plays Xbox Belle Gibson update! She is now Oromo (an Ethiopian ethnic minority). Katherine Knight and her human pelt Riding in a tent on the canal
75 02/06/2020 Freezin’ people ain’t easy, the genuinely geriatric mother and the biggest creeps of the week ever The YouTubers that rehomed their son The oldest woman in the world to give birth (oyster woman). 40 year old stone foetus! Jen finally gets to tell her cryogenics story. Multple strands See Cassie
76 09/06/2020 No name, No luggage, No labels, No answers 1.) In a room at the Oslo Plaza Hotel, a young, elegant woman is found dead, with a gun shot wound to the head. Why did she check in under a false name? Why are the labels removed from her clothes? 2) Death in Ice Valley The gals are reunited!
77 16/06/2020 Guilt or grief? The dark story of Casey Anthony Via Reddit/Sarah. Creepy MSN guy and possibly related swindler Casey
78 23/06/2020 Slumber Murders and The OG Moby Dick Sleep killers The OG Moby Dick
25/06/2020 Creep Hive Sophie's Cock Along! Denis Nilsen:ScottishSerial Killer (and middle child)
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2020.08.17 16:29 deathreaper1129 How i got here warning pretty dang long

TLDR: a record of the things i delt with with my parents the highlights and lowlights
Ok for starters im on mobile so sorry for formatting i felt ive needed to do this for a long time just never had somewhere to put it but than i found this subreddit and realized how perfect it is for my story keep in mind my earliest memories arent the most accurate it was over 10+ years ago and i am by no means gonna go over everything i remeber just things that provide context to future memories without further ado heres the story of how ive gotten this far
Ok so this starts with my first memories most of which have to do with my dad who is ex ranger with a lot of mental issues kinda like me at present im just not as bad my symptoms are very managable with medication and councelling so for context i was probably about 4-5 yo (and for future potential context im male idk if it will be relevent later im kinda making this up as i go) at the time just a kid my dad was an alcoholic and still has bouts of alcoholism now i dont know if he was drunk then i didnt even know what drunk was then what i do know is one of my first memories is being hit in the legs repeatedly with drumsticks i can still remember the intense pain to this day when it hit the bones on the front bottom segment of my legs shooting fire like pain seared through them i also have another memory of being held against a wall and slapped i cant remember much about this i was young and my memory on it is extremely fuzzy my mom( no shes not the nice one she becomes the main antagonist in my teenage years but in my childhood i was a complete mamas boy) at the time worked most days and my dad would watch me on his days off the rest of the time one of my aunts or my grandma would watch me while both my parents were at work i can remember being so friggin happy when i found out that my nana or one of my aunts would be watching me because i was serously scared of my dad for obvious reasons a later memory i have while i didnt understand it at the time was of my dad passed out praying to the toilet gods because hed gotten hammered i just thought hed fallen asleep and the bathroom light was on so i turned it off he wasnt a winner of a parent as you can see which leads to my next memory me and my mom coming home to our new apartment with my little sister who i believe at that point had been born about a year prior and was able to crawl was passed out on the floor with an overflowing diaper and my dad was passed out chest down on the bed this led to an arguement between my mom and dad that got extremely loud between the shouting and my little sis crying because of the noise this led to a period of a few years i think 2 or 3 where my parents would seperate without getting divorced repeatedly i was often happier in these periods of seperation and when my dad was gone i felt like a weight was off my chest i didnt have to worry about his drunkeness a concept i now understood i didnt need to worry about his volitile temper and when he would come back the stress would come straight back hed always start out nice but hed always eventually turn back into that asshole ive known most of my life it was a lot for a little 10yo boy and i think between that and the abuse the beginnings of my mental problems were forming during this time my second little sister was born when he was back in my moms good graces skip foreward one year and eventually my mom finally divorced my dad at the time i thought this would be a good thing my dad would be gone and i wouldnt need to worry or fear getting hit by him in a drunken stupor or being yelled at cussed and slurred to tears id be with what i though of as my loving mother but little known to me she would soon be going off the religious deep end going deeper and deeper in as the years went by my sisters grew up as christians as did i we'd all been in the faith since we were born and knew no different we moved churches a few times and eventually settled on a messianic hebrew church basically christianity but focusing on direct hebrew translation and prodominantly focusing on the old testement only leaning on new testament teachings where it complemented old testament "torah" doctrine this is where my mother started to veer off the rails she would often harshly chastize me for the smallest things any minor sin against so called god was an excuse to yell and berate me i went into middle school where i was made fun of and bullied i would continuously alert the staff of what was going on and nothing changed i was a pretty average student never great at math but i exelled in subjects like english and science i always had a thirst for knowledge and in truth id finished all the books on my bookshelf by the time i was about 11 and it was around this time i became more aware of what the world outside school and my house was like as id been brought up very sheltered eventually i came to the realization that the religion made no sense when compared to what we know about the world based on scientific evidence i continued to fake believing a year passed and my mom dated a child of a man we will call him M so M like my dad had a drug problem he smoked weed incessantly (imma just add i have no problem with smoking weed i do so myself but moderation is principle in everything) all day every day and before he had met my mom he was surfing couches while working at a temp agency for crappy wage despite these glaring red flags she stayed with him even when we were evicted from our apartment homeless living out of a cramped jeep grand cherokee (this lasted for months until we eventually got a temporary housing unit from a nonprofit and lived there for a bit) my mother had constantly told me since i had known what sex even was (i kinda figured it out when i was younger knew how it worked biologically speaking eg. Sperm fertilizes egg makes offspring it was the mechanics of how the sperm got there that i hadnt figured out yet than puberty slammed me like a truck and i figured it out) that it was a sin to have children out of wedlock of course her the eternal hypocrite she was and still is had 2 kids with this loser and to this day i still will never understand what she saw in that guy dont get me wrong i love my little brothers and it saddens me that i havent seen them in years as i dont want to associate with my mother but we'll get to that bit later eventually they stopped dating and my mother was single once again at this time we were living in a crappy dusty musty mobile home not the glampimg kind the literal houses you can attach to a big trailer and move or rather you would be able to if this place didnt look like it was gonna turn to dust at any second i was about 13 then and after a few too many years of going to church as to not cause friction with my mother but still not believing it and having shared custody with my dad which at first was just on weekends but eventually was a 50/50 split 2 weeks at my dads 2 weeks at my moms being at my dads which i pretty much preferred not for my dad i was often pretty cold toward him but we got along ok and once he got clean he was much less of an asshole the person that made the place worth being in was my stepmom shes italian and makes wonderful food and i feel it was because of her and her talking to me about the world and how to be assertive and stand up for myself and not to take shit from other people between these talks and my own beliefs at the time i finally decided to tell my mom that i didnt want to go to church on saturday she told me to get up and quickly tore off my blankets i told her no that i didnt believe it anymore at whichpoint she decided to grab me and try to drag me out of bed unsucessfully as i hung onto my bed for dear life (my bed was just a twin mattress on the floor it had those rings on the side your supposed to use to help move it but quick thinking found another use for them) eventually she gave up the attempt dropping me painfully on the ground near my bed and went out of the room i thought it was over i thought id won and as i lay back down on my bed waiting for her to leave she came back promptly with a water bottle i didnt know this at the time but shed also called my auntie N who was at this time on the way over (she lived right down the road) she proceeded to spray me with water like a misbehaving puppy occasionally trying to drag me away over and over luckily for me my aunt finally came and in what felt like a few minutes but couldve been longer time us a weird thing it flies when your adrenaline is firing on all cylinders probably the reason that being dropped repeatedly didnt hurt much til a bit later and because she had heard the commotion she came in and asked my mom fairly loudly what she was doing by this time i had asumed the form of a human pill bug trying to cower very close to the wall while whimpering in an attempt not to cry i didnt expect this from my mother shed always done her best even if she made very bad decitions and while i knew she would be mad i wouldve never thought shed have gone to the extreme of covering my half naked body in cold water while picking me up trying to pry me off the the bed and than dropping me multiple times she explained that i didnt want to go to church so she thought this "punishment" was what i deserved my aunt told her to leave me alone and basically explained in a calm voice with terse harsh undertones that whether i go to church or not should be my own choice and my mom knowing that continuing would lead to her having a worse reputation than she already had in the family (she was the first born and also a bit of a black sheep because of aformentioned bad choices apparently runs in the family as both my dad and i are the first borns of our respective families and also both black sheep) so after this things went back to normal living in our shitty house in the middle of bum fuck nowhere after that extreme reaction to my lack of belief and not wanting to go to church i cant for the life of me tell you why but when it came time for church id finally be left be and id have the house to myself this was a real win for me because between my mom my 4 siblings and the friggin paper thin walls there was no silence to be had when her my sisters and my brothers were home saturdays when i was with her quickly became a respite outside of junior high(which had its own stresses none of which as hard as the constant screeching of my little brother N) which i was attending at the time got into the wrong crowd started drinking every saturday when i was home alone eventually starting to smoke weed at 14 the alcohol id steal and the weed id buy with money id get for working at my neighbor S's place S was a stand up guy he in many ways was a father figure to me he smoked weed like a chimney he often drank but he always stayed level headed and working with him was yet another escape for me i learned a great many things from him from building fences to basic house repair and as time passed i started getting worse and worse i was in a deep depression that felt like an inescapable pit at the worst times i felt no emotion but pure unbridled sadness or just straight up emptiness i asked my mom if i could get some help either councelling or medication but of course she (at this point having become anti-vax and a flat earther and a serous conspiracy nut who didnt believe doctors were genuinely there to help and thought medication was toxic and horrible for you and yes some are for sure but you have to weigh the risks against the rewards) played down my pleas telling me things like "you make your own happiness" and "you need to learn to be content with where you are" so i carried on self harming and abusing weed and alcohol to get some slanted facsimile of happiness and to continue surviving not living just surviving at 15 i tried to kill myself with tylonol it was the worst pain id ever experienced and have experienced im like 90% sure i puked out all my internal organs and while this is all very hazy i was told later i was found passed out on the floor was taken to a hospital my stomach was pumped and had to stay in the hospital for 48 hours i was given referrals to counselling which were quickly confiscated by my mother if i had known at the time that i could get my own counselling using state insurance (i live in the us in a state that allows minors over 14 to seek out mental health care with or without parental consent this my mom lied to me about and i didnt really have the means to fact check nor the motivation i had one foot in the grave and had seroiusly lost hope that id ever get help) my dad and stepmom didnt know what happened i was too scared to tell them and my mom didnt tell them because im pretty sure she was scared that theyd bring her to court over it i didnt want to tell them because my dad is about as emotionally supportive as a brick to the face and my stepmom the one i trusted the most in my life i felt like id dissapoint by telling her in hindsight it was so stupid if me to think like that but hey i was in a bad place and for a few years up to this time as well as doing drugs and drinking on the DL id been dealing with emerging gay thoughts but what was confusing to me was that it wasnt just boys it was girls too and i had absolutely no clue what i was (like i said i was very sheltered i knew what it was to be gay i knew what lesbians were but my mom tried her best to sensor everything i saw luckily for me i was able to look it up on my first phone my stepmom got me as a birthday present) so eventually found out that im bi which was unsettling for me and it just stressed me the crap out because of how homophobic i knew my mom is and even though i didnt believe in it between the religious teachings in my younger teen years how id seen people like me treated on the news and my moms general attitude toward the lgbt+ community i was worried so like a lot of other things i kept it hidden (this was a few months after i had and lost my first girlfriend much to the dismay of my mother who told me i was too young to date we dated for about 5-6 months and than we broke up a few months into sophomore year and as anyone whose had a first love knows the first is always the hardest the breakup was mostly my fault yeah she had some issues too but i just didnt want her to have to put up with my BS and in hindsight i shouldve been more communicative and told her what was going on and let her decide whether she wanted to continue the relationship but the past is the past and i live for now) as the guilt shame and secrets that i kept to myself started accumulating i kept using drugs to cut the pain id steal bottles if alcohol for quick cash because as a 15 yo soon to be 16 i couldnt get an honest job i used the profits from my theft (which i became quite good at) on various different drugs at this time id stopped drinking i no longer enjoyed it anymore but i smoked plenty of weed by myself and with my so called "friends" most if not all of which would sell me out if it meant theyd be off the hook they were users and were there for the drugs not to make friends in that time frame i experemented with lean, adderall,shrooms,xanax,and even at one point aquired a bottle of oxy and took pill after pill after pill in an attempt to for once feel ok the relief was alas temporary and eventually my mom found out about my drug use finding my weed stash and promptly telling the school who made me go to the school drugs and alcohol counseller while at the time i thought this would suck i came to meet one of my favorate school employees in my highschool career Mrs.B she was a kindly older woman and while we didnt see eye to eye on drug related issues she was trustworthy and i was finally very slowly able to get the secrets id been holding off my chest i told her a little about how my life had been so far and i told her about how i wanted mental health help and she explained that i could get it myself( i never took advantage of it because i didnt have the ability to get to the closest place that took my insurance the pain of not having a car) i eventually got what i thought to be my worst secret at the time i was so nervous then ik she wouldnt judge but before then it was just a concept in my head it was hard to make it into words but i eventually came out to the first person ever i felt liberated but still a bit guilty eventually i got up the courage to tell my real friends (the ones i actually cared about) and they were kind and didnt judge some even said that theyd had inklings that i was at least part of the lgbtq+ comunity at the very least (cant for the life of me figure out how they knew tbh im very straight presenting then and now) but although i felt a bit better i continued using drugs and one day my dad found alcohol id stolen and was going to sell and lets just say shit heated up very quickly i was basically interogated from when he found it about 8pm until after 1 in the morning they asked me why id been using drugs why i had the alcohol eventually between his and my stepmoms prying i aquiessed i basically told them that id been having problems with mental health and had been self medicating i also came out to them too my dad was weirded out (hes from north carolina so ge was raised as a christian in a very religious area and at the time was in his late 40s so this blew his mind) my stepmom was cool with it she told me there was nothing to be afraid or ashamed of(her mom was a hair dresser so she interacted with gay men from a very young age) and that made me feel much better i begged them not to tell my my mom they agreed on the condition that id not do any more drugs 2 weeks or less later i was back at my moms sitting in my room trying to block the world out looking forward to my next visit to my dads because everything had seemed great maybe even better than before when i left (couldve just been the feeling of finally opening up after keeping it inside for so friggin long i felt happy that my stepmom had accepted me) than my mom called me and sat me down on the couch she said "your dad told me that you told him and jody that your gay" at which point i corrected her that im bi not gay and explained the difference i was mad that my dad outed me i wanted to do it on my own in my own time but from how it was going i was hopeful that it would turn out ok however i was very wrong what she told me after this i will never forget "i love you but i will never accept this" i went back to my room with a heavy heart that day my mom could be downright mean at times but i still cared about her opinion so needless to say i went nosediving back into depression started sneaking out at night often getting into trouble i would walk around meet some of the homeless that i knew smoked weed did drugs (never anything super serious at least nothing that stuck) and eventually my dad caught me and told me to stop than when i didnt he felt that it would teach me a lesson by pushing me into our garage and beating the shit out of it all happened in about 30 seconds and i think he only stopped because jody told him to after i left i decided i didnt want to come back i hated my moms but it had to be better than this so in contempt of court i finished sophomore year staying at my moms full time still living without any mental health help (now that i think about it i had serous depression and anxiety issues since i was 13 til i was 17 4 years im surprised i survived) my mental health often fluctuated sometimes better sometimes worse got my first serous job and spent as much time as i could working and when i wasnt working id wake up as early as 4 in the morning and walk 3 miles to the nearest bus station taking a bus to a nearby train station to get on a train that would get me 2 counties away in 45 mins to an hour the first time and nearly every time i did this the cops were called on me for being a runaway i was never caught by them though for reasons already explained(a combination of being out of the county the police were called in and a bit of proticol i learned later that basically states that the police wont start looking until 48 hours after a report and in the end its just a misdemeanor if your parents even press charges) as well as the fact that id go to a different town every day walking around like a 16 yo homeless bum (i was doing school it was online id bring my laptop and finish my daily work either on the train or in a cafe somewhere in this time i tried to commit suicide again i got ahold of my moms shotgun loaded it and locked myself in the bathroom i couldnt get up the courage to actually do it id squeeze the trigger until i knew it was about to fire and than lost my nerve repeated this a few times every time unable to do it i felt so defeated and very much hopeless i was angry that i couldnt do it i fell into a heap on the floor and just cried for what felt like hours putting down the gun as my mom banged on the door and eventually opened it there was no comfort there were no questions asked she made no attempt to help instead she screamed at me telling me about how the bible says that taking ones own life is a sin i was too out of it to do anything i spent the rest of that day just laying in a ball on my bed occasionally breaking into crying fits again there was no pity i had no help as per usual i felt like a failure i couldbt even kill myself right i was alone eventually my mom met another guy were gonna call him garden gnome because he looks like a garden gnome he would start arguements for no reason yell and get angry with very little provocation and didnt like anyone undermining his authority (he was one of those guys that never learned that respect is a 2 way street not unlike my dad) at this point id grown some balls and this tub of lard with a beard from the great incest state of alabama didnt scare me( at this point in my life i didnt care what happened to me i could take the pain of blows and just laugh them off and i honestly wished someone would kill me because i couldnt do it myself i would engage in risky activity like climbing high buildings and by high i mean high high enough that a slip wouldve made me a flesh pancake and honestly i hoped if i did it enough id fuck up at some point and finally be at peace hilariously by being in pieces everywhere i went i instantly would make mental notes of everything i could kill myself with) i remember how much fun it was to get him all riled up i found it hilarious a small bit of levity in an otherwise horrible place i enjoyed how much he overeacted i enjoyed how dumb he acted when he got angry and would get right up in his face and take verbal jabs at him whenever he momentarily stopped yelling to take a breath i wouldnt have been surprised if people down the road could hear the yelling and i carried on living and putting up with this shit pile of a human being fast forward a few months it was night and my mom came to get me out of my room telling me that we were going to get me mental health help it was close to my 17th birthday little did i know id spend it stuck in a mental ward (when i got in the car i didnt know where i was going at all all i knew was that i was finally getting the help id wanted for years) eventually we show up at a hospital and we end up sitting for hours waiting to be admitted i was ushered into a room and was just happy that i was seemingly one step closer to the help i needed so me garden gnome and mom were in a very cramped room with only one window on the door made of re-enforced glass than garden gnome decided to add to the discomfort by starting an arguement bringing up info that A: he had gotten by snooping into my personal life via my social media and B: he knew would piss me off and i dont know whether it was how tired i was or the anxiousness from being in the room( im claustraphobic a room with no windows sends my anxiety into maximum overdrive) it probably was a bit of both but the result was me going off on both of them telling them to get out they refused i yelled to them to get out one more time when i noticed a crack in the door moving as quick as my underslept tired ass could take me i put my hand in the crack and pulled the door open there was male nurse right outside the door who in a very thick african accent told me to get back in the room at this point my adrenaline is surging and he is making an attempt to block me idk how i did it ive always been pretty agile but ive never played football in my life but i juked this nurse out and yelled for the head nurse the head nurse walks over and asks whats going on im a bit out of breath and i am pissed but i try my best to in the most polite way possible tell her that she needs to get garden gnome and my mom out of the room and than i will go back in (kinda easy to see how much i hated garden gnome and my mom at this point that id rather be half parinoid in a cramped windowless room than be around them) after theyve gone down the hall i walk back into the room and my nerves are back on instantly after the door is closed i sat down a chair in the room constantly figeting until i became so tired that i passed out i woke up laying down on the observation table the big adjustable seat thing thats in the middle of most appointment rooms at nearly every medical center like ever i didnt know how i got there i now assume someone moved me while i was sleeping and i woke up to a lady in a business looking type outfit and shes talking to me about how i got here and than lays the news on me that because of last night my mom decided it would be a good idea to put me in in patient care me being a minor i got absolutely no choice in the matter(it was either agree to it and go willingly or reject care and be made to go because my mom had spun the story like i was a harm to others when in reality id only ever harmed myself and yes i made threats that nigjt but i didnt mean them i told them to "leave the room or id kill them" (this was an empty threat i hated them but not enough to kill them as my actions after that threat showed id rather have run away and disengaged than kill anyone) i talk to the lady a bit more hoping i can get out of it but nope im stuck later a nurse comes into the room and i ask her if she can open the sliding metal doors that make up the walls of the room amd she abliged i instantly felt a million times better i ate my first crappy breakfast and was shortly after that transferred to the ward (this was during the period during which i was doing online courses and i had to catch up on a week and a half of school when i got out it sucked) not a lot happened in the ward the days were preplanned so in my memory they kinda blend together but heres the highlights and some of the downsides the food sucked being a hospital the air was kept constantly arid and caused me nosebleeds twice i couldnt shave or cut my hair (for obvious reasons) so i looked homeless by the time i got back oh and the worst thing is i was stuck in that horrible place for my 17th birthday in order to stay sane well more sane and in good shape i did calesthenics every morning by the time i got out i looked a good bit healthier i tried a few different meds spoiler they didnt help much and it would be a few more months before i got meds that really helped but it was a start i also got to be around a lot of other people with simular situations as well as my stepmom showing up out of the blue the eventual key to my exodus i also met J he was a very attractive guy he had red hair and these piercing green eyes and when he came in i think about half way through my stay there i was the first person he talked to so eventually as we talk a bit more it becomes apparent that we kinda like eachother (for those of you saying bad idea you are correct probably the worst relationship ive had but i was so starved for affection that i flew by the red flags and didnt even reverse for a second look) eventually i got out at that point i wished i could stay anything even the ward was better than that house life continued taking it day by day ( this was made slightly better by talking to J and my friend at the time and eventual girlfriend R) until eventually my dad and stepmom reached out to me i was supposed to only stay a day but i stayed for 2 weeks and it continued like this for 6 weeks eventually i coerced my aunt to advocate for me living at my dads i had serious doubts she would pull it off but she did i was still cold toward him even more so now the memories of the last time i was here were clear in my brain i understand why he did what he did but it wasnt right time passed and i did my last year of highschool not much happened i was legitimately trying to make an effort to do well this year and in first semester i didnt bomb but my grades were pretty maybe slightly above average by some metrics i had a few classes i did very well in while others like honors chem took my full attention and forced me to work extremely hard for even a C (while i had the skills to do well i never found much motivation in school it was a concerted effort for me to do as well as i did) during second semester covid hit and we started doing school from home i did my best but there was some family drama and mental stuff that kinda screwed it up but i still manage to pass (by the skin of my teeth) and get my diploma a few weeks later my stepmom divorced my dad which secretly i was happy about he kinda made me uneasy and now i live here pay rent have a job and a girlfriend and im doing my best to make it im going to be an RN ive always loved the medical field an aptitude for the profession runs in my family my great aunt my mom my auntie N my grandpa and my grandma were all nurses and im just navigating the covid struggle like everyone else nowadays and trying to get into job corps to get my CNA for free than i have money my grandparents saved for college which should be enough to do my prereques and get my LPN and RN with minimal if any student debt (great to have rich extended family and by chance be the oldest grandchild anyway thats my story sooo yeah
Thanks if you read this all the way i couldnt sleep and as i said before its something ive been wanting to do i wanted to have a refrence of what ive been through just in case i get down on myself and forget what i persevered through to get here i appoligize for rambling and misspells i was like half awake while writing it
Edit: ran through it all corrected grammar and most if not all spelling mistakes didnt feel like wasting my remaining brain power for punctuation outside of quotes and im pretty sure few will read it anyway cept my friend D
submitted by deathreaper1129 to raisedbynarcissists [link] [comments]


2020.08.12 07:39 roflmao77 Talking points to use against liberandus and bullas (Long post)

I've compiled a few statistics and talking points over a few days that you guys can use whenever talking to these mlechhas.
ICM Poll: 20% of British Muslims sympathize with 7/7 bombers http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1510866/Poll-reveals-40pc-of-Muslims-want-sharia-law-in-UK.html
NOP Research: 1 in 4 British Muslims say 7/7 bombings were justified http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2006/08/14/opinion/main1893879.shtml&date=2011-04-06 http://www.webcitation.org/5xkMGAEvY
Channel Four (2006): 31% of younger British Muslims say 7/7 bombings were justified compared to 14% of those over 45. http://www.policyexchange.org.uk/images/publications/living%20apart%20together%20-%20jan%2007.pdf
People-Press: 31% of Turks support suicide attacks against Westerners in Iraq. http://people-press.org/report/206/a-year-after-iraq-war
YNet: One third of Palestinians (32%) supported the slaughter of a Jewish family, including the children: http://pajamasmedia.com/tatle2011/04/06/32-of-palestinians-support-infanticide/ http://www.ynetnews.com/articles/0,7340,L-4053251,00.html
World Public Opinion: 83% of Egyptians approve of attacks on American troops. 26% of Indonesians approve of attacks on American troops. 26% of Pakistanis approve of attacks on American troops. 68% of Moroccans approve of attacks on American troops. 90% of Palestinians approve of attacks on American troops. 72% of Jordanians approve of attacks on American troops. 52% of Turks approve of some or most groups that attack Americans (39% oppose) A minority of Muslims disagreed entirely with terror attacks on American troops. About half of those opposed to attacking Americans were sympathetic with al-Qaeda’s attitude toward the U.S. http://www.worldpublicopinion.org/pipa/pdf/feb09/STARTII_Feb09_rpt.pdf
World Public Opinion (2009): 30% of Palestinians support attacks on American civilians working in Muslim countries. 24% support the murder of Americans on U.S. soil. Only 74% of Turks and 55% of Pakistanis disapprove of terror attacks against civilians on U.S. soil. http://www.worldpublicopinion.org/pipa/pdf/feb09/STARTII_Feb09_rpt.pdf
Pew Research (2010): 55% of Jordanians have a positive view of Hezbollah 30% of Egyptians have a positive view of Hezbollah 45% of Nigerian Muslims have a positive view of Hezbollah (26% negative) 43% of Indonesians have a positive view of Hezbollah (30% negative) http://pewglobal.org/2010/12/02/muslims-around-the-world-divided-on-hamas-and-hezbollah/
Pew Research (2010): 60% of Jordanians have a positive view of Hamas (34% negative). 49% of Egyptians have a positive view of Hamas (48% negative) 49% of Nigerian Muslims have a positive view of Hamas (25% negative) 39% of Indonesians have a positive view of Hamas (33% negative) http://pewglobal.org/2010/12/02/muslims-around-the-world-divided-on-hamas-and-hezbollah/
Pew Research (2010): 15% of Indonesians believe suicide bombings are often or sometimes justified. 34% of Nigerian Muslims believe suicide bombings are often or sometimes justified. http://pewglobal.org/2010/12/02/muslims-around-the-world-divided-on-hamas-and-hezbollah/
16% of young Muslims in Belgium state terrorism is "acceptable". http://www.hln.be/hln/nl/1275/Islam/article/detail/1619036/2013/04/22/Zestien-procent-moslimjongens-vindt-terrorisme-aanvaardbaar.dhtml
Populus Poll (2006): 12% of young Muslims in Britain (and 12% overall) believe that suicide attacks against civilians in Britain can be justified. 1 in 4 support suicide attacks against British troops. http://www.danielpipes.org/blog/2005/07/more-survey-research-from-a-british-islamist
Pew Research (2007): 26% of younger Muslims in America believe suicide bombings are justified. 35% of young Muslims in Britain believe suicide bombings are justified (24% overall). 42% of young Muslims in France believe suicide bombings are justified (35% overall). 22% of young Muslims in Germany believe suicide bombings are justified.(13% overall). 29% of young Muslims in Spain believe suicide bombings are justified.(25% overall). https://selectra.co.uk/sites/selectra.co.uk/files/pdf/muslim-americans.pdf#page=60
Pew Research (2011): 8% of Muslims in America believe suicide bombings are often or sometimes justified (81% never). 28% of Egyptian Muslims believe suicide bombings are often or sometimes justified (38% never). http://www.people-press.org/2011/08/30/muslim-americans-no-signs-of-growth-in-alienation-or-support-for-extremism/
Pew Research (2007): Muslim-Americans who identify more strongly with their religion are three times more likely to feel that suicide bombings are justified https://selectra.co.uk/sites/selectra.co.uk/files/pdf/muslim-americans.pdf#page=60
27% of British Muslims do not support the deportation of Islamic extremists preaching violence and hate. http://www.danielpipes.org/blog/2005/07/more-survey-research-from-a-british-islamist.html
Federation of Student Islamic Societies: About 1 in 5 Muslim students in Britain (18%) would not report a fellow Muslim planning a terror attack. http://www.danielpipes.org/blog/2005/07/more-survey-research-from-a-british-islamist
ICM Poll: 25% of British Muslims disagree that a Muslim has an obligation to report terrorists to police. http://www.danielpipes.org/blog/2005/07/more-survey-research-from-a-british-islamist
Populus Poll (2006): 16% of British Muslims believe suicide attacks against Israelis are justified. 37% believe Jews in Britain are a "legitimate target". http://www.danielpipes.org/blog/2005/07/more-survey-research-from-a-british-islamist
World Public Opinion: Majorities in Egypt (63%) and Libya (61%) supported the 9/11/2012 attacks against American embassies, including Benghazi. Original Link: http://www.worldpublicopinion.org/pipa/articles/brunitedstatescanadara/727.php?nid=&id=&pnt=727 (Removed) (Reference in this link)
Pew Research (2013): At least 1 in 4 Muslims do not reject violence against civilians (study did not distinguish between those who believe it is partially justified and never justified). http://www.pewforum.org/uploadedFiles/Topics/Religious_Affiliation/Muslim/worlds-muslims-religion-politics-society-full-report.pdf
Pew Research (2013): 15% of Muslims in Turkey support suicide bombings (also 11% in Kosovo, 26% in Malaysia and 26% in Bangladesh). http://www.pewforum.org/uploadedFiles/Topics/Religious_Affiliation/Muslim/worlds-muslims-religion-politics-society-full-report.pdf
PCPO (2014): 89% of Palestinians support Hamas and other terrorists firing rockets at Israeli civilians. http://www.jihadwatch.org/2014/08/poll-89-of-palestinians-support-jihad-terror-attacks-on-israely
Pew Research (2013): Only 57% of Muslims worldwide disapprove of al-Qaeda. Only 51% disapprove of the Taliban. 13% support both groups and 1 in 4 refuse to say. http://www.pewglobal.org/2013/09/10/muslim-publics-share-concerns-about-extremist-groups/
BBC Radio (2015): 45% of British Muslims agree that clerics preaching violence against the West represent "mainstream Islam". http://www.comres.co.uk/polls/bbc-radio-4-today-muslim-poll/
Palestinian Center for Political Research (2015): 74% of Palestinians support Hamas terror attacks. http://www.timesofisrael.com/support-for-hamas-skyrockets-following-war-poll-shows/
Pew Research (2014): 47% of Bangladeshi Muslims says suicide bombings and violence are justified to "defend Islam". 1 in 4 believed the same in Tanzania and Egypt. 1 in 5 Muslims in the 'moderate' countries of Turkey and Malaysia. http://www.pewglobal.org/2014/07/01/concerns-about-islamic-extremism-on-the-rise-in-middle-east/
The Polling Company CSP Poll (2015): 19% of Muslim-Americans say that violence is justified in order to make Sharia the law in the United States (66% disagree). http://www.centerforsecuritypolicy.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/150612-CSP-Polling-Company-Nationwide-Online-Survey-of-Muslims-Topline-Poll-Data.pdf
The Polling Company CSP Poll (2015): 25% of Muslim-Americans say that violence against Americans in the United States is justified as part of the "global Jihad (64% disagree). http://www.centerforsecuritypolicy.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/150612-CSP-Polling-Company-Nationwide-Online-Survey-of-Muslims-Topline-Poll-Data.pdf
The Sun (2015: Following Nov. 2015 attacks in Paris, 1 in 4 young Muslims in Britain (and 1 in 5 overall) said they sympathize with those who fight for ISIS. http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/politics/6758207/1-in-5-British-Muslims-have-sympathy-for-jihadis-in-poll.html (link removed)
ICM (2016): 2 in 3 Muslims in Britain would not report terror plot to police. http://www.express.co.uk/news/uk/659913/two-in-three-British-Muslims-would-NOT-give-police-terror-tip-offs http://www.haaretz.com/world-news/europe/1.713917
East West University (Bangladesh) (2016): 1 in 10 Bangladeshi university students support terrorism. Of these, more than half (52%) are from well-off families. http://bdnews24.com/bangladesh/2016/11/21/study-finds-10-percent-students-in-bangladesh-universities-support-terrorismupport-terrorism" target="_blank"> http://bdnews24.com/bangladesh/2016/11/21/study-finds-10-percent-students-in-bangladesh-universities-support-terrorism
Policy Exchange (2016): 48% if British Muslims would not report a person "linked to terror." https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/2308529/half-british-muslims-would-not-report-is-supporters/
(German) Federal Ministry for Family Affairs (2018) - 8% of Muslim students support the creation of an Islamic State via terrorism. https://voiceofeurope.com/2018/01/german-study-almost-one-in-three-muslim-students-would-fight-and-die-for-islam/ https://www.welt.de/politik/deutschland/article172327527/Kriminalitaetsstudie-Islamistische-Tendenzen-im-Klassenzimmer.html
Policy and Survey Research (2019) - 61% of Palestinians approve of bomb attack on Jewish family that killed teen girl. https://www.jihadwatch.org/2019/09/61-of-palestinians-approve-of-jihad-murder-of-israeli-teen
submitted by roflmao77 to Chodi [link] [comments]


2020.08.08 03:39 tooandahalf This Generation - with WOL references

Someone asked on here about references to WOL for "this generation"
I tried to format this in a manner that might be something that could be shared with a PIMI. I sent something similar to couple people from an anonymous email address saying I was doing personal study and was having trouble understanding this issue. Unsurprisingly they never got back to me. Funny how quotes from WOL taken in context can become apostate.
This is reworded to be more formal than what I sent. This is a mashup of a few sources including JWfacts and the flipflop doctrine, but I removed any references that don’t appear on WOL so all things can be linked.
Edit: There are two versions of the generation teaching that occur prior to 1950 but since there is not references on WOL that might send up apostate alarms, so those are not included in this list.
***
Brother Splane explained the overlapping generation in the broadcast as being the people that saw the events of 1914, and those contemporaries who knew that first group of people. Fred Franz was used as an example. Fred Franz lived to 99 years of age, dying in 1992. The group that knew Brother Franz would have been anointed in 1992 at the latest and been a contemporary of his to be part of “This Generation”.
If that second part of the overlapping generation lived as long as Brother Franz, this system could go on until 2071 potentially. That’s a length of a single generation totaling 178 years.
Something that Brother Splane didn’t mention was that Brother Russel would have to be included in “this generation” because he witnessed the events of 1914. He also overlapped with Brother Franz. Russell was born in 1852 and died in 1916. That means “this generation” could potentially be 219 years long.
If you are 20 years old today that would mean you would be part of the same generation as someone born in 1822 or 1781.
What does the Bible say about a generation and how long it lasts?
Matthew 1:17: The same book where Jesus referred to "this generation". For each of the three set each father son and grandson is a distinct generation. There are no overlapping generations. If you tally up the time for each of these 14 generations and divide to see the average you get the following.
17 All the generations, then, from Abraham until David were 14 generations; from David until the deportation to Babylon,+ 14 generations; from the deportation to Babylon until the Christ, 14 generations.
Genesis 50:22: 110/3 is 37 years. The father and son are listed as two generations.
22 And Joseph continued to dwell in Egypt, he and the household of his father, and Joseph lived for 110 years. 23 Joseph saw the third generation of Eʹphra·im’s sons,+ also the sons of Maʹchir,+ Ma·nasʹseh’s son. They were born upon Joseph’s knees.*
Jehovah had the Israelites wander in the wilderness for 40 years until the generation had died, but their children would inherit the promised land. If overlapping generations were applied the Israelite children would be babies to teens, after 40 years they would be in their 40s to late 50s when they went into the promised land. If ‘this generation’ meant contemporaries and an overlapping generation then it would have needed to be for much longer until all the kids died in the wilderness too.
Deuteronomy 2:14: 38 years and similar to the wandering in the wilderness above
The time it took us to walk from Kaʹdesh-barʹne·a until we crossed the Valley* of Zeʹred was 38 years, until the entire generation of the men of war had perished from the camp, just as Jehovah had sworn to them.
Job 42:16: 140/4=35 years. Each generation is a generation not overlapping and the time is pretty close to the other scriptures
16 After this Job lived for 140 years, and he saw his children and his grandchildren—four generations
Watchtower 2004 talks about prophecy being fulfilled for the Israelites in Egypt and how they were rescued in 4 generations.
The Israelites were well received in Egypt in the days of Jacob’s son Joseph. The Egyptians later subjected them to brutal slave labor, but true to God’s promise, within a period of four overlapping generations from the time they entered Egypt, these descendants of Abraham were liberated from Egyptian bondage.*
If that same overlapping definition were used it would have been maybe one generation. There can be generations that exist at the same time obviously but not be part of the same generation. Boomers, Millennials and Zoomers are all alive at the same time but they’re not the same generation.
Jerusalem was destroyed 37 years after Jesus said this generation will not pass away.
What does the Watchtower say about this though that might explain it better?
Here’s the list of explanations on “this generation” on Watchtower Online Library.
1951 Watchtower: This generation = worldly people who were alive in 1914.
The actual meaning of these words is, beyond question, that which takes a “generation” in the ordinary sense, as at Mark 8:12 and Acts 13:36, or for those who are living at the given period. So it was on “this generation” that the accumulated judgments were to fall. (Matt. 23:36) This therefore means that from 1914 a generation shall not pass till all is fulfilled, and amidst a great time of trouble.
1952 Watchtower: the same teaching.
Some persons living A.D. 1914 when the series of foretold events began will also be living when the series ends with Armageddon. All the events will come within the span of a generation. There are hundreds of millions of persons living now that were living in 1914, and many millions of these persons could yet live a score or more years. Just when the lives of the majority of them will be cut short by Armageddon we cannot say.
1954 Watchtower: the same teaching
“Truly I say to you that this generation will by no means pass away until all these things occur.” What a consoling fact that is! All these things would happen in one generation! The sudden worsening of world conditions since World War I, which broke out forty years ago, was here foretold to end within one generation, within the lifetime of people who are now at least 40 years old!
1971 Awake: same teaching
How long a period of time is covered by the “last days”? Jesus limited it at most to ‘one generation’ from beginning to end. (Matt. 24:34) This means that some persons who saw the beginning of the “last days” in 1914 would live to see the end. That end will come when God displays his almighty power to crush out of existence the prevailing wicked system of things.—Dan. 2:44.
1975 Watchtower: same teaching and it states there’s no doubt this is correct.
22 When will it be, then, that the Son of man comes with destructive power to cleanse this earth of all who love the way of unrighteousness? Jesus himself answers: “Truly I say to you that this generation will by no means pass away until all these things occur.” (Matt. 24:34; Mark 13:30) Which “generation” is that? The one that has witnessed the events in fulfillment of prophecy since 1914 C.E. There is no doubt about the truthfulness of what Jesus said. Forcefully he added: “Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will by no means pass away.”—Matt. 24:35; Mark 13:31; compare Matthew 5:18.
1978 Watchtower (change): This generation = Christians (Witnesses) and not worldly people who saw 1914. This did not apply to babies.
This helps us to understand “generation” in Matthew 24:34. In common English usage today “generation” might be used for (1) all persons who were born and who live about the same time, or (2) the average span between the birth of parents and that of their children, usually 20 to 30 years. Which did Jesus mean? Obviously not the latter, for in its first application the “generation” ran from 33 C.E. until 70 C.E., or at least 37 years.
Also, it is evident that by the word “generation” Jesus did not mean just the Jewish children born in 33 C.E. Luke relates that after being asked by the Pharisees when the kingdom was coming, Jesus told his disciples: “[The Son of man] must undergo many sufferings and be rejected by this generation.” (Luke 17:20-25) That rejection certainly was not by newborn babies. Likewise, the way things worked out shows that the “generation” he spoke of in Matthew 24:34 included his listeners and others who could discern the fulfillment of his words from 33 C.E. onward until Jerusalem’s destruction.
Thus, when it comes to the application in our time, the “generation” logically would not apply to babies born during World War I. It applies to Christ’s followers and others who were able to observe that war and the other things that have occurred in fulfillment of Jesus’ composite “sign.” Some of such persons “will by no means pass away until” all of what Christ prophesied occurs, including the end of the present wicked system.
1980 Watchtower: The same BUT specifies that ‘this generation’ could include people that saw an event maybe as young as 10.
What, then, is the “generation” that “will by no means pass away until all these things occur”? It does not refer to a period of time, which some have tried to interpret as 30, 40, 70 or even 120 years, but, rather, it refers to people, the people living at the “beginning of pangs of distress” for this condemned world system. It is the generation of people who saw the catastrophic events that broke forth in connection with World War I from 1914 onward.
As indicated by an article on page 56 of U.S. News & World Report of January 14, 1980, “If you assume that 10 is the age at which an event creates a lasting impression on a person’s memory,” then there are today more than 13 million Americans who have a “recollection of World War I.” And if the wicked system of this world survived until the turn of the century, which is highly improbable in view of world trends and the fulfillment of Bible prophecy, there would still be survivors of the World War I generation. However, the fact that their number is dwindling is one more indication that “the conclusion of the system of things” is moving fast toward its end.
1984 Watchtower (slight change): The same BUT ‘this generation’ now DOES include babies.
If Jesus used “generation” in that sense and we apply it to 1914, then the babies of that generation are now 70 years old or older. And others alive in 1914 are in their 80’s or 90’s, a few even having reached a hundred. There are still many millions of that generation alive. Some of them “will by no means pass away until all things occur.”—Luke 21:32.
1988 Awake: This article defines the Greek word for generation. Seems that should be what Jesus meant, since that’s the word he used. The Greek word refers to people born at the same time or witnessing the same event. So a generation could here be the length of a human life span so 70-80 years. That would mean there could be an overlapping generation, but it would ONLY work with Brother Russell’s older generation and Brother Franz’s younger generation, and not anyone born after 1914 (therefore none of the current Governing Body could be included.)
How Long Can a Generation Last?
The American Legion Magazine pointed out that 4,743,826 U.S. men and women had participated in World War I. But in 1984 only 272,000 remained alive, and they were dying off at an average of nine every hour. Does that mean, then, that the generation of 1914 has already disappeared?
The Greek word for generation is geneá, used by Matthew, Mark, and Luke in their accounts of Jesus’ words. It can have different applications according to the context. However, The New International Dictionary of New Testament Theology defines it as: “Those born at the same time . . . Associated with this is the meaning: the body of one’s contemporaries, an age.” A Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament states: “The sum total of those born at the same time, expanded to include all those living at a given time generation, contemporaries.” These definitions allow for all those who were born around the time of a historic event and all those who were alive at that time.
J. A. Bengel states in his New Testament Word Studies: “The Hebrews . . . reckon seventy-five years as one generation, and the words, shall not pass away, intimate that the greater part of that generation [of Jesus’ day] indeed, but not the whole of it, should have passed away before all should be fulfilled.” This became true by the year 70 C.E. when Jerusalem was destroyed.
Likewise today, most of the generation of 1914 has passed away. However, there are still millions on earth who were born in that year or prior to it. And although their numbers are dwindling, Jesus’ words will come true, “this generation will certainly not pass away until all these things have happened.” This is yet another reason for believing that Jehovah’s thieflike day is imminent. So, what events should alert Christians watch for?
1988 Watchtower: The same. Also the article says it is definitely one generation of the above definition b(not overlapping) and those people from 1914.
Might it be, though, that the sign could occur over the span of many human generations? No. The sign is to occur during one particular generation. The same generation that witnessed the beginning of the sign will also witness its climax in “a tribulation such as has not occurred from the beginning of the creation.” Three historians, Matthew, Mark, and Luke, recorded Jesus’ assurance of this.—Mark 13:19,30; Matthew 24:13, 21, 22, 34; Luke 21:28, 32.
There is, however, the danger of becoming impatient. Seventy-four years have passed since the outbreak of World War I in 1914. From a human viewpoint, this may seem a very long time. But some eagle-eyed Christians who saw World War I are still very much alive. Their generation has not passed away.
1995 Watchtower (change): This generation = not a group of people or a length of time, but people of similar characteristics and it now applies to worldly people. ‘This Generation’ now doesn't have to do with 1914 specifically but that people would have a similar attitude after that. It also included worldly people again because they are called blind guides. It also specifies that a generation should not be used to count time to estimate when the system will end, but that it is a historical period. This is a complete change from earlier definitions, all of which had definite periods, and all of which were used to show how soon the end of the system was.
Eager to see the end of this evil system, Jehovah’s people have at times speculated about the time when the “great tribulation” would break out, even tying this to calculations of what is the lifetime of a generation since 1914. However, we “bring a heart of wisdom in,” not by speculating about how many years or days make up a generation, but by thinking about how we “count our days” in bringing joyful praise to Jehovah. (Psalm 90:12) Rather than provide a rule for measuring time, the term “generation” as used by Jesus refers principally to contemporary people of a certain historical period, with their identifying characteristics.*
  1. What does a history professor write about “the generation of 1914,” and how does this tie in with Jesus’ prophecy?
7 In line with the above, professor of history Robert Wohl wrote in his book The Generation of 1914: “A historical generation is not defined by its chronological limits . . . It is not a zone of dates.”
Therefore, in the final fulfillment of Jesus’ prophecy today, “this generation” apparently refers to the peoples of earth who see the sign of Christ’s presence but fail to mend their ways.
Another excerpt.
18 What, then, is the “generation” so frequently referred to by Jesus in the presence of his disciples? What did they understand by his words: “This generation will by no means pass away until all these things occur”? Surely, Jesus was not departing from his established use of the term “this generation,” which he consistently applied to the contemporary masses with their “blind guides” who together made up the Jewish nation. (Matthew 15:14) “This generation” experienced all the distress foretold by Jesus and then passed away in an unequaled “great tribulation” on Jerusalem.
1997 Watchtower: The same. Again, the article says that we shouldn’t count time from 1914 to see how close the end, even if that’s what was done in all references pre-1995. The current definition of ‘this generation’ has no definitive end date and could last indefinitely.
With similar sincere intentions, God’s servants in modern times have tried to derive from what Jesus said about “generation” some clear time element calculated from 1914. For instance, one line of reasoning has been that a generation can be 70 or 80 years, made up of people old enough to grasp the significance of the first world war and other developments; thus we can calculate more or less how near the end is.
However well-meaning such thinking was, did it comply with the advice Jesus went on to give? Jesus said: “Concerning that day and hour nobody knows, neither the angels of the heavens nor the Son, but only the Father. . . . Keep on the watch, therefore, because you do not know on what day your Lord is coming.”—Matthew 24:36-42.
So the recent information in The Watchtower about “this generation” did not change our understanding of what occurred in 1914. But it did give us a clearer grasp of Jesus’ use of the term “generation,” helping us to see that his usage was no basis for calculating—counting from 1914—how close to the end we are.
2008 Watchtower (change): This Generation = All anointed people on Earth who can/could discern the sign of Jesus’ return. There is no an end date, just before there are no more anointed. ‘This generation’ could continue indefinitely.
15 Those without spiritual understanding today have felt that there has been no “striking observableness” with regard to the sign of Jesus’ presence. They reason that everything is continuing on as it did in the past. (2 Pet. 3:4) On the other hand, Christ’s faithful anointed brothers, the modern-day John class, have recognized this sign as if it were a flash of lightning and have understood its true meaning. As a class, these anointed ones make up the modern-day “generation” of contemporaries that will not pass away “until all these things occur.”* This suggests that some who are Christ’s anointed brothers will still be alive on earth when the foretold great tribulation begins.
2010 Watchtower (change): This Generation = The current understanding. This generation is two overlapping generations. There is now a cut off again because the end must come before the second group of anointed dies off and once again the nearness of the end of the system can be guessed at. This version goes back three version to the understanding in 1988, but in addition adds the overlapping second set of anointed. From 1951 to now ‘this generation’ went from applying to worldly people to the anointed to worldly to anointed once again.
14 What does this explanation mean to us? Although we cannot measure the exact length of “this generation,” we do well to keep in mind several things about the word “generation”: It usually refers to people of varying ages whose lives overlap during a particular time period; it is not excessively long; and it has an end. (Ex. 1:6) How, then, are we to understand Jesus’ words about “this generation”? He evidently meant that the lives of the anointed who were on hand when the sign began to become evident in 1914 would overlap with the lives of other anointed ones who would see the start of the great tribulation. That generation had a beginning, and it surely will have an end.
The Insight book says a generation commonly refers to all persons who were born about the same time.
submitted by tooandahalf to exjw [link] [comments]


2020.08.05 03:22 colorcodedcards When 45 minutes becomes 26 years: How did Robbin Lewis Slaughter––a 36-year-old man who lived a private life and rarely left his hometown of Owensboro, KY––vanish without a trace while walking to a convenience store 5 blocks away?

This is an extremely bizarre missing persons case which I’m surprised hasn’t been covered before on this sub. Unfortunately there is very little media coverage available freely online and the media coverage the case did receive was exclusively from the local newspaper. I discovered that I can essentially make the articles available if I paid for the Newspapers.com Publisher Edition and 'clipped' them (clipped articles are public). You should be able to click on the link and it will take you to a scan of the original news source but if this doesn't work please comment and let me know!
"A sweet and lovable person"
Robbin Lewis Slaughter was born to Dorothy ‘Dot’ Slaughter and William J. Slaughter in Owensboro, KY in the predominately black West End neighborhood. By all accounts, Slaughter––who was 36-years-old at the time of his disappearance––was a bit of a homebody. He kept his social circle small and rarely ventured outside the 5 or 6 places he frequented in town. He didn’t drive and usually got around town on foot––even his workplace was 1.3 miles (less than a 30-minute walk) from his home. He didn’t drink, gamble, or go out on the town. Slaughter’s coworkers at the Owensboro Public Works Department described the 16-year-veteran clean-up crew member as a diligent and hard worker who was never late or missed a day of work. Rudd Slaughter, Robbin’s older brother, was also employed by the department as a sanitation truck driver and the pair would sometimes work together.
“He’s a good worker. He’s very dependable,” said Cissy Gregson, director of Owensboro’s sanitation department. “He’s easygoing. He wouldn’t get in a confrontation with anybody.”
Slaughter was extraordinarily close with his family. “Even though he was grown, he lived with my mom until a couple of months before he was married,” Slaughter’s sister Kitty Board said. Dot even had power of attorney over her son’s finances up until he married Lucinda.
“He was a sweet and lovable person, but he needed looking after,” Board said.
Robbin Slaughter married his childhood friend Lucinda in 1991 after a whirlwind romance. The pair went out a few times when Lucinda was 15, although the two didn’t begin dating seriously until 12 years later when they reconnected at church. After Lucinda was critically injured in a car accident in 1990, Robbin visited her regularly during the two months she was in the hospital. Lucinda says Robbin’s frequent visits convinced her of his caring nature and she started to see him as a potential father figure for her two daughters.
Robbin’s family was skeptical of his budding romance and felt the couple was moving too fast. Both Slaughter’s brother and mother said they noticed a change in his behavior after the marriage. He used to like to listen to music and sports but “he cut back when he got married” according to Rudd.
“He changed,” his brother recalled. “He wouldn’t come out as often. He settled down, just went to work and church.” Slaughter’s mother reported that after his marriage to Lucinda, he didn’t visit as often (he used to visit her once a month).
His sister said that even after the marriage her family never accepted her brother’s wife and stepdaughters, and that there was a mutual agreement that “we don’t question each other’s lives." Lucinda herself readily admitted that Slaughter’s family didn’t get along with her, although she claims that she reconciled with Slaughter’s mother in the years following Robbin’s disappearance.
Slaughter was the polar opposite of someone who would run away to start a new life.
"He never went on any trips without family," said Slaughter's sister, Kitty Board. “He didn't stay away from home.... He never ventured out of his comfort zone. If you would say, 'Where's Robbin?' there were five or six places he could be."
Timeline –– (Google Map of important locations)
When Slaughter vanished on the evening of Saturday, November 14, 1993 it was a shock.
“He’d not been out of state and very seldom out of town,” Board said. “He’s not the type of person who would plan to leave.”
Slaughter’s wife Lucinda told police that that evening, at around 9pm, her husband left their home at 2714 West 10th Street to walk to Franey’s Food Mart which was a trip he made frequently. It was an unseasonably warm day for mid-November, with a high near 75 degrees. At night, however, the temperature dropped as a line of evening thunderstorms moved through the area so Slaughter chose to put his gray and blue sweater on over his athletic shirt. He was also wearing a pair of blue jeans and white tennis shoes.
Lucinda said that Slaughter let her know that he would be back in around 40 to 45 minutes. She told police that her husband was not distraught when he left the house and did not notice anything strange about his behavior.
The convenience store was less than a 15-minute walk from Slaughter’s home so it made a perfect destination for an evening walk. Of the two possible routes he could have taken, both went through quiet, tree-lined streets dotted with small single-family homes. Franey’s is located at the intersection of Cravens Avenue and Carter Road on the far west end of town. The southwest corner of this intersection marks the beginning of a vast expanse of farmland and open fields. On this night, however, Slaughter never made it inside the store.
The next morning at around 9 or 9:30am Lucinda Slaughter knocked on Board’s door, inquiring as to whether Board had seen her brother. When Board said that she hadn’t, Slaughter reported her husband missing.
Being a small, locally-owned chain, the cashier at Franey’s was familiar with Slaughter as he was a regular customer. Connie Carlisle, the cashier working on the night of Slaughter’s disappearance, told police that Slaughter never entered the store that evening, something which a review of surveillance footage from inside the store confirmed. One witness placed him in the parking lot at Franey’s but this report was never confirmed.
“A (teen-age) boy talked with him in the parking lot, but he (Slaughter) never came in,” Carlisle later told a reporter. According to Carlisle, Slaughter and this boy “were friends.” The police apparently talked to the teenager Slaughter was last seen with but the boy denied talking with Slaughter and said he had only seen him in the parking lot.
His mother and siblings quickly cast doubt on the idea that Slaughter chose to disappear––he was extremely close with his family and would never abandon them. Sgt. Michael Walker of the Owensboro Police Department’s criminal investigations bureau concurred with the family’s assessment, stating that “there were no extraordinary circumstances that stood out as to why he would fit the profile of someone who would want to get away from it all.” The police did not find anything in Slaughter’s background that indicated he had any reason to disappear.
"He had family here," Sgt. Walker said. "There were no significant issues he was facing that would prompt him to take off without a word to anyone."
Slaughter did not have any financial troubles or known enemies that might have led him to abandon his quiet life in Owensboro. Both Lucinda and Slaughter’s family said that he was happy in the marriage and that he cared deeply for his stepdaughters.
Even if Slaughter wanted to leave Owensboro and start a new life elsewhere, he would need to either get a ride from someone or take public transportation because he didn’t have a car. A year and a half before Slaughter’s disappearance a new bus terminal opened at 1216 E. 2nd Street with daily service to Evansville and Henderson. The terminal is just over a 3 mile walk from the Franey’s Food Mart where Slaughter was last seen and would take him roughly an hour to travel there on foot. Besides, a number of Slaughter’s relatives lived close by.
At the same time, there was no evidence a crime had taken place. Yet police see no other possibility aside from foul play.
“They should have done this years ago”: Investigating (and excluding) Lucinda as a suspect
The police investigation quickly hit a dead end in 1993, which is perhaps partially due to a number of problems impacting the department. Chief Ulysses Embry, a 40-year veteran of the Owensboro Police Department, retired in May of 1992 and left the department in need of new leadership. Tensions between the Police Department and City Hall reached a fever pitch in 1993 when disgruntled patrol officers with the Fraternal Order of Police organized a Back the Blue campaign. The department had also recently hired a number of new officers, most of whom were young and inexperienced.
“The police department has got some young boys,” Embry told reporters in 1993. “These boys mean well, but they will learn that they have got the responsibility of their job.”
The police were slow to investigate Slaughter's disappearance initially and none of the news reports mentions a search being conducted for him. The extent of the police investigation in 1993 appears to have consisted of two 'witness' interviews (the clerk and the teenage boy) and a review of surveillance footage from Franey's. It wasn't until 2002 that police are known to have conducted a physical search for Slaughter.
Two searches of Lucinda Calhoun’s (she remarried in the years following Robbin's disappearance) former property at 2714 W. 10th Street were conducted in 2002 and a portion of the property was excavated after cadaver dogs alerted to the location. A separate portion of the adjoining backyard of 2710 W. 10th Street, Lucinda's mother's house, was also excavated. Officers originally identified Lucinda as a possible suspect in the early weeks of Slaughter’s disappearance based on rumors that she had harmed her husband. Lt. Ken Bennett declined to disclose how authorities obtained the new information but said that “it’s more detailed [...] than the earlier rumors." Lucinda gave police permission to search and excavate the backyard, but on the second day of the search police returned with a search warrant for the home on the property because they expected to conduct a “much more elaborate” search.
[Photos of the search]
Authorities dug two holes on Lucinda’s property––one 6-feet deep by 10-feet wide portion was excavated along the back fence with a second 3-feet deep by 3-feet wide excavation site in the center of the backyard. Before dawn on the second day of the search, detectives used Luminol inside the home to search for blood and seized a handful of items––including a door––for additional testing.
“They said they would do this quietly, and they’re here at church time,” Lucinda told reporters during the search. “They should have done this nine years ago.”
After the searches of Lucinda’s property came up empty in 2002, police officially classified Slaughter’s disappearance as a cold case. Lt. Bennett told the media at the time that the case would remain cold until new information surfaces. In the meantime, Lt. Bennett said that the Owensboro Police would continue to treat Slaughter’s disappearance as a noncriminal missing person case.
Lucinda accused the police of harassment, claiming that they unfairly targeted her as a suspect in her husband’s disappearance. Members of the St. Louis-based Universal African People’s Organization joined Lucinda’s family and friends in gathering in front of Lucinda’s former home to provide moral support and call attention to what they described as "police harassment." Representatives of the group later met with Mayor Waymond Morris and Owensboro Police Chief John Kazlauskas.
Morris told the media that he had a “very cordial conversation” with the group, although he dismissed the accusations of harassment as unfounded.
“I just listened to what they said, and I told them I’d look into it,” Morris recalled. “They said they wanted me to look into possible harassment. I think they feel like that maybe on several different occasions the police department has been overaggressive in searching.”
Police excluded Lucinda as a suspect in her husband's disappearance after the search in 2002. She has always maintained her innocence and continues to search for answers in his case.
Racism
While researching this case, I came across an online forum page for Owensboro where residents apparently discuss community issues (in reality it seems to be used to gossip/harass people). One of the posts, created a month ago, concerns Robbin’s nephew who still lives in the town and reads:
“I wonder if that loud mouth n***** still works at Hunter Douglas, I quit because I got sick of listening to his loud mouth, he is one worthless n*****!!!”
Obviously this is an anonymous comment posted online so it has to be taken with a grain of salt but the fact that the poster uses the n-word (which appears uncensored in the original post) is noteworthy. While Robbin’s social circle was small, the Slaughter family was well-known in Owensboro. Kitty Board was (and still is) heavily involved in the West End community and openly spoke out against the gun violence plaguing the neighborhood. In fact, Board was quoted extensively in the local newspaper four months prior to her brother's disappearance in an article about illegal firearms.
The Owensboro police have also been accused of racial profiling and police brutality. The town has quite the storied legacy when it comes to questionable law enforcement tactics. In 1968, after a young black man named Jerry Brown was shot and killed at a local white-owned nightclub, protests broke out in “the Negro West End” of the city. 20 people were arrested. Then Mayor Irvin Terrill pledged to “dissolve the militant influence” which he claimed was behind the violent outbreak, namely, the “Negro gangs.” Police Chief Vernie Bidwell doubled down on the mayor’s threat, warning that the police were “tired” of being cursed by “young punks” and would crack down.
Mayor Waymond Morris came under fire in 2000 for his lackluster response to protests over the fatal shooting of Tyrone Clayton Jr. Clayton was shot twice by Owensboro Police Officer Lorhn Frazier after he was pulled over for reckless driving. The Mayor sent a letter to NAACP attorney Evan Taylor to inform the group that he would no longer be meeting with them at city hall.
Accidental death?
There are hundreds of acres of farmland just 100 feet from the convenience store which one could ostensibly get lost in easily especially at night. The issue with this theory is that Slaughter disappeared in mid-November, which is after fall planting season. The fact that the field would have been recently plowed coupled with the flat terrain of the area would make it exceedingly difficult for someone to get lost.
Satellite images show a small retention pond on this nearby farm located roughly 730 feet from intersection near Franey’s which could most easily be reached by walking parallel to the rear of the houses on Carter Road. The pond is bound by fields on three sides so it is possible that Slaughter wasn’t able to see it if he was walking in the dark. From what I was able to find out, the catch basin was created in 1987 by the local government to reduce flash flooding on Carter Road, so it would have been there at the time of Slaughter’s disappearance.
Most retention ponds have a depth of 4-6 feet so if the water level was high, Slaughter (who was 5’ 7”) may not have been able to stand. If Slaughter didn’t know how to swim, it’s possible that he fell in and struggled to get his bearings on the thick layer of sediment on the bottom of the pond and drowned. Since his lungs would have filled with water, his body would have sunk to the bottom of the pond and subsequently covered by sediment. Retention ponds are typically dredged every 5-10 years, however, so if Slaughter’s body was there, I would assume that some of his remains would have been discovered. Also, because the retention pond appears to be owned by the city itself, they presumably would be able to search it without a warrant.
Questions
I honestly have nothing but questions about this case.
  1. Did police ever search the area around Franey's food mart? From what I can tell, they only searched Lucinda's property. If they didn't search the area––why not? Did the police take the case seriously from the beginning?
  2. Given the fact that Slaughter's mother had power of attorney over his finances until he was in his 30s and he didn't drive, it seems highly unlikely that he could have disappeared on his own (although he has no motive to run away). The only scenario in which a voluntary disappearance makes sense to me is if Slaughter met someone and the two planned on starting a new life together somewhere else. But who?
  3. As far as I know, Lucinda was eliminated as a suspect after the searches in 2002 leaving the police with zero other leads. Was this a random crime of opportunity and Slaughter just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time? Could he have seen something he shouldn't have and been kidnapped and killed in retaliation?
There are no unidentified persons on NAMUS matching Slaughter's description except one. In 1999, a furnace installer in Cleveland was attempting to clear a blockage in the chimney when he discovered what appeared to be human remains. The partial remains were later identified as those of a black male, age 37-47 (Slaughter disappeared nine days before his 37th birthday), who died "by violence of undetermined origin." The unidentified man was 5'7" (same height) and had died sometime between 1900 and 1999.
Here is a side-by-side comparison of the two.
The only things that don't line up are the location and the clothing found on the body. John Doe was found in a chimney in Cleveland, OH––a 7-hour drive from Owensboro, KY. Slaughter didn't drive and he had never left the state so if this were him, he must have been taken to Cleveland alive and then killed at some point (but why drive someone 7 hours away?). John Doe's clothing also doesn't match the description of when Slaughter was last seen, although if he was taken so far away he might have changed clothes.
EDIT: Thanks so much everyone for taking the time to read about this case and for kind words––Robbin's disappearance is very confusing and troubling (as well as basically unreported outside of Owensboro) so I'm happy that more people can learn about his story!
EDIT 2: I submitted Robbin as a potential match for the Cleveland John Doe and will post an update if I hear back.
EDIT 3 (11/3): The NAMUS regional program officer just responded to my submission of a potential match and it has been forwarded to both investigating agencies for future DNA comparison of Robbin and the Cleveland John Doe.
Sources
Joy Campbell, “Search for body comes up empty: Police follow up on new information in 9-year-old case of missing man,” Owensboro Messenger-Inquirer, September 9, 2002, pg. 1-2A. [part 1, part 2]
Matthew Francis, “Protest by civil rights activists will not be heard by city officials,” Owensboro Messenger-Inquirer, November 30, 2000, pg. 3.
Dan Heckel, “Case leaves family in limbo: Probe of man’s 1993 disappearance has gone nowhere,” Owensboro Messenger-Inquirer, November 17, 1996, pg. 1-2A. [part 1, part 2]
––– “Family’s hoping for safe return of missing man,” Owensboro Messenger-Inquirer, February 14, 1994, pg. 1-2A. [part 1, part 2]
Stewart Jennison, “Buses coming to town: Daily trips will link Owensboro with Evansville,” Owensboro Messenger-Inquirer, May 16, 1992, pg. 9.
James Mayse, “Unfinished Business,” Owensboro Messenger-Inquirer, April 20, 2015, pg. A1.
Tracy McQueen, “Mayoral candidates agree: Police morale needs improvement,” Owensboro Messenger-Inquirer, October 31, 1995, pg. 1.
––– “Police Chief Embry to retire: Announcement brings 40-year career to close,” Owensboro Messenger-Inquirer, May 7, 1992, pg. 1.
Police looking for missing 36-year-old man,” Owensboro Messenger-Inquirer, November 18, 1993, pg. 21.
Justin Willis, “Police call off second search of yard: Effort to locate missing man for 9 years continues,” Owensboro Messenger-Inquirer, September 13, 2002, pg. 1-2A. [part 1, part. 2]
––– “St. Louis group extends support in investigation of missing man: Organization claims police harassing woman whose 1st husband disappeared,” Owensboro Messenger-Inquirer, October 30, 2002, pg. 1-2A. [part 1, part 2]
––– "Woman: Police causing ‘heartaches and harm,’” Owensboro Messenger-Inquirer, October 4, 2002, pg. 1-2A. [part 1, part 2]
submitted by colorcodedcards to UnresolvedMysteries [link] [comments]


2020.07.28 16:12 throwitallaway8787 My story of progressively worsening porn addiction, prison, and how I am still struggling every day. If you have started watching extreme porn, especially "younger" stuff like loli etc, please read this - it could save your life. Possible trigger warning.

I walked out of prison more than three years ago, and have really turned my life around. I have a wonderful girlfriend, a new house, and a great job...but I still struggle daily with porn, and in the past few months things have gotten really bad. This addiction does not simply go away. I posted this a few days ago in several other subs because I myself need serious help and didn't know where to turn, but I'm posting it here mostly because I think reading my story could actually help people. Also, it is helpful for me to hear that people can relate to my story.
If you've starting watching porn that makes you think, "I shouldn't be watching this", then you need to read this. You will continue to seek out more and more extreme porn, and could eventually find yourself in jail. Your entire life can turn upside-down in a millisecond, but right now you have the chance to turn it around.
I relapsed yesterday. This is day one for me of being porn free. Write it in stone.
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I'm really struggling right now, and have been for the majority of my life. If I keep heading down the path I am currently on, I know I will once again find myself in a prison cell, thinking about how amazing my life had been, and wishing I had gotten help before it was too late. I have already gazed once over the smouldering ruins of a life I had worked hard for, only to lose everything in one defining moment. I've risen from the ashes once; I don't think I can do it again.
As a first step, I just need to put the full truth of my behavior out there. I have never told anyone half the stuff I'm about to write here, not even therapists. I really just need to type it out, all of it; I need to see it. I'm not looking for a diagnosis from anyone, but maybe just some thoughts from those who can relate to what I've been going through my entire life. There are crimes mentioned here, but I have already been convicted and served time for every one of them, and I am not currently engaging in any illegal activity.
I am currently in no danger of harming myself or anyone else, unless you count consistently violating the trust of all the people I love. This will eventually lead to me ruining the life I've worked so hard for, as well as destroying everyone I love. This issue, in various forms, has been going on for almost twenty years - all of my teen years and adult life. I don't know what it's like not to be handicapped by this. Enough is enough.
1. Sexuality in my childhood and early teen years.
I grew up financially privileged household with parents who both supported me, and I believe did they absolute best they could. In terms of their treatment of me, I don't ever recall them being anything but supportive in every possible way. As an only child of well-off parents, I was spoiled, and to my memory I really never had to earn the things I wanted. I think that my parents felt guilty for reasons mentioned below, and buying me stuff was seemingly an easy way to make me happy, especially since they both worked full time. A series of full-time babysitters helped take care of me early on. To my memory they were all great.
My parents were constantly yelling at each other. Never any physical abuse, but the yelling never stopped between them. At best guess it was all financial stuff due to my dad buying any car or motorhome or boat or house he liked. I counted once that they split up at least ten times before I was a teenager, and I lived in over twelve different houses (in the same area) before I turned 18. I had normal childhood friends, but I ended up spending a lot of time alone in my room with the door closed; it was a safe space. I was a very fearful and timid child, and never took chances to do anything that made me uncomfortable. This lack of confidence was strong into my late teens, and was still present until my mid-twenties. I was nervous and anxious all the time, and my parents did have me in therapy various times for depression. It might be worth noting that I regularly wet the bed until probably age 8 or 9. I don't know how much a normal person remembers of their childhood, but I think I remember a lot less than average. I have no reason to think I've repressed any abuse.
I was always extremely well behaved, and never once had to be disciplined in school. I was quite literally never "in trouble". Growing up, I remember adults around me would constantly remark I acted and talked like an adult. The way other kids acted out was very strange to me. I started reading books by myself at a very young age. I was nice, fairly quiet, and unassuming. I guess the best way to describe me would've been "stoic".
I was fascinated with sex a very early age, and my parents gave me "the talk" sometime in elementary school because teachers had noticed my sexual behavior. I have no reason to believe I was ever abused by anyone during this time. Around age 11 I found a page of Hustler magazine underneath a sink in a local grocery store. I had never seen anything like that before, and can still remember exactly what the page looked like - full penetration, cum on faces, anal. Like I said I don't remember much at all from when I was young, but I remember this; it felt like something snapped in my brain.
At best guess, around the age of 13 or 14 I started watching several hours of hardcore internet pornography every night - binge sessions that would keep me up until the early hours of the morning. At the time I didn't think this was abnormal.
I often forget just how terrified I was of girls at this state in my life, because I am now very confident with women. But from puberty and into my early twenties I was painfully inept with girls. If a pretty girl talked to me my face would turn BEET red and I'd start noticeably sweating. With the few girls I felt comfortable with, I was a friend zone extraordinaire. Just like most male teenagers, I was extremely horny, and lusted after every single cute girl, but I never did anything with any of them...not even close until late high school, not even a kiss. Everyone I knew was having sex at 13 and 14 years old, and I felt like a total loser in this regard. Asking a girl out was simply impossible, let alone knowing what to do if they wanted to have sex. This was a constant source of crushing stress, and porn was a temporarily band-aid for the pain. I would like to know if this might be part of the reason I find the jailbait and ageplay stuff so exciting.
I did have one girlfriend for almost two years from age 18 to 20, but I had serious issues getting it up when we had sex. I think my brain was so used to the constant stream of porn every night that real girls were now just boring, intimidating, and a lot of work. She cheated on me, but I stayed with her because she was hot and she told me she loved me. Then we both went to college near each other, but she broke up with me like a month into the first semester via text. I was crushed and didn't get into another relationship until I was 25. Before my mid-twenties my level of confidence with girls was simply abysmal.
To the best of my knowledge, my movement outside normal pornography started during my late teens/early 20s with hentai, then into paying camgirls, then to making posts on Craigslist in all the personal sections, but mostly m4m because the people were real and looking. At some point later on I started looking at loli hentai, which I've recently learned actually appears to be illegal in the USA. This seems like a defining moment because prior to this I had no urge to seek out anything "young". The girls looked young in hentai, and it seemed at some point to just slowly progress to drawings which were meant to actually resemble children. It was a very long, slow, and imperceptible shift from regular porn to extreme, but to me, looking back, the path is very distinct.
I consider myself straight, and not even bisexual. But I also talked to hundreds of men during this period of time by way of the Craigslist personals section (probably age 21 at this point). Most I just talked to, and never intended to meet. I ended up giving blowjobs to two of them in cars, and I fucking hated it each time. I compulsively created and responded to these posts on Craigslist. I recently deleted that email account - there were literally thousands of those Craigslist emails.
2. Worsening compulsive porn use in my early twenties.
At this point I started venturing more and more into "deviant" porn. After a huge binge session I would finish and just sit there numb, wondering why I was continuously doing this, even if it was just regular porn. Shame and guilt hit me like a truck after every session, but when I would wake up the next day I seemingly forgot about everything, and just would go on with my normal life. Nobody realized I had any porn issues whatsoever, and from the outside I appeared as a normal dude, and really I didn't think I had issues. Every night was the same, and every night I ended up going to bed hating myself, but would be just blissfully ignorant come the next day.
It was like some Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde shit where I would just transform into some slimy reptile at night, who had full control of me until he finished a smut binge session. And I'm always in the background, trying to get him to stop. I was "happy" at this point; I had tons of friends, and was liked by girls. Though at that time, a girl would have to literally throw herself on me to let me know she was interested. I was totally oblivious to any attraction toward me. A number of girl have told me in recent years that they had a huge crush on me, but I was just oblivious.
Also, I think I had this warped perception of sex because I had been exposed to thousands of hours of hardcore porn. I thought my dick was tiny and that I'd get laughed at. Also, no one had ever property taught me to care for my uncircumcised penis, and therefore I had phimosis at this point (unretractable foreskin). Sex with my one long term girlfriend was painful for me because of this, and it was just so much easier to jack off than deal with all this humiliation.
3. Things get bad.
Around 2009 Chatroulette and Omegle came out, which was a turning point. I found myself calling in sick to work to browse Omegle all day and night. Like eight or ten hours worth, which is sometimes what it took to find a girl willing to help you finish. There were girls who were definitely younger than 18, but I was so desperate for any sexual attention that I somehow convinced myself that talking to these girls was OK. "If they don't say they're under 18 then it's ok, right??" I didn't have a preference for anyone younger, but if some girl was willing to watch me, apparently I didn't really care what their age was. At the end of all these sessions I would think, "uh, what the fuck are you doing dude", followed by the normal torrent of shame.
The rational me is always there, literally begging myself to stop. I consistently participate in things I am ashamed of, all the while telling myself that what I'm doing is wrong and hoping that I can somehow stop myself. I feel like I'm down a dark well, screaming up at the guy who is in charge, but all he wants to is consume the dirtiest and kinkiest smut he can find; only after that will he let me climb out.
Which brings us to when I started looking at non-nude jailbait photos around the age of 23. I'm not sure when I discovered the "Newstar" and "Tinymodel" photo sets, but to that reptile dude in my head they were extremely exciting.
Historically, I have never had any intense sexual attraction to girls younger than me, and I have always sought out girls within my age range. But being honest, part of me loved looking at these pictures of young scantily clad girls. Vanilla porn was now just uninteresting, and didn't provide me the same excitement, and this jailbait stuff was literally like I had found a new drug. I loved it and I fucking hated it. I never walked around in public and saw young girls and thought "wow I want to have sex with her". It was all photo and video based. It was like the girls I was looking at online weren't even real people to me.
It was not long before I started seeking out actual underage pornography. I have intentionally searched for and masturbated to actual child pornography. I have never actually said that sentence to anyone, despite the fact that I was eventually caught and charged with possession of this shit. I only got into this stuff for a few weeks, but I fucking hate that I participated in it at all. A lot of it was just videos of young girls solo on webcams, but there were a few times I sought out, watched, and masturbated to girls probably as young as ten participating in sex acts with older men, presumably their fathers. I cannot un-see these images; I want them ripped from my brain, and for these kids to have normal lives. I want their abusers jailed for life.
After these binge sessions the shame was so great I considered suicide. I would go on binge sessions on the dark web, looking at whatever I could for hours, only to be met with the worst shame you could possibly imagine when I was done. I would lay in bed for days afterwards, not eating or drinking. I remember the thing that finally woke me the fuck up was coming across a video where a young girl was on camera and started to cry and looked at someone off screen and said "dad, can't we just play with legos?". WHAT THE FUCK. I have tears in my eyes just remembering this. How could anyone actually do something like this to a child? This is a real person.
Right then and there I broke down completely and sobbed my fucking eyes out. I felt completely out of control with my own actions, and though the thought of abusing a child disgusts me to my core, by watching this stuff I was supporting it. I don't want to fuck kids or young teens, so why am I watching this stuff? A few years prior to this I would have never considered looking at this stuff...what the fuck was happening to me? How do you even get help for this stuff? If I tell someone I'm looking at this shit they'll just lock me up. Instead of talking to anyone about what was going on in my own head, I moved 2,000 miles away from my home town to a town I had never visited before. I didn't even have a job lined up. Literally I hit rock bottom, panicked that the only solution was to fundamentally change my life, looked up the "happiest and healthiest town in America", and moved to #1. I'm now in my mid-twenties.
4. Moving away from home. Peace. Happiness. Misery. Police.
Initially, moving away from home did "the trick". I could actually call myself truly "happy" for the first time I think really ever, and I was healthy to boot. The possibilities in my life seemed absolutely without limit. I started working out and doing a bunch of stuff outside (rode my bike everywhere cause I didn't have a car). It was a mountainous town and I got involved in climbing, skiing, and everything else I could. I felt "clear" for the first time in decades, and my porn use pretty stopped almost completely. But I never dealt with the actual problem (and still haven't), and everything came back eventually.
I met a girl in the apartment complex one street over who I quickly fell head over heels for. We started hooking up, but it became apparent we wanted different things (I wanted commitment, she didn't), and I drove myself crazy over the next two years pining after her. I'd ask her to make things official, she'd run off, I'd date someone else, she'd get upset and sleep with me and tell me she loved me, then she'd start sleeping with someone else. We were in the same friend group, and she refused to let anyone know that we were intimate with each other. Eventually I just ended up feeling like a shameful secret. We were basically best friends who spent all our time together, and sometimes slept together. The story is long, and I think I'm at fault as much for not giving her space as she is for constantly vacillating between "loving" me and sleeping with other guys. Nothing was ever malicious on her end, but I think we were both a bit fucked up in our own ways, and eventually I found myself in a serious emotional decline. I felt hopeless and worthless; previously I had been filled with a newfound massive confidence, but now found myself just wanting to feel wanted. Before all the shit hit the fan I found myself sometimes calling her dozens of times in a night because I knew she was over some guys house. I drove around town looking for her car in front of dudes houses. I literally felt like I had lost my mind. During these times I had the same voice in the back of my head saying "uhhh, dude? this is fucked up and you need to stop".
Since moving to this city I had landed a great job with a company where I was well-liked and respected. I had tons of friends, and was like a goddamn social butterfly; I was always somewhere doing something with good people. I was so happy in almost every aspect of my life. I had been such a "scared" person my entire life, the fact that I was able to move here and succeed filled me with a confidence I had never experienced. If I could have just gotten my head out of my ass and focused on how amazing my life actually had become, I'd probably still be in this town.
But instead I dug myself into an emotional grave because the girl I wanted didn't want me in the same way, and I couldn't cope, or something. I had several other really fantastic women I was seeing on and off, ones who really liked me for me and would have been up for actual relationships, but they weren't her. In a very short period of time, towards the end of the two years of living in this new town, I got right back into the type of porn I ran away from. I started posting on Craigslist in multiple sections with both fake ads and real ads. I went from 0 to 1,000 with everything in the span of probably six months. I gave two more guys blowjobs, and once again fucking hated every second of both experience. I got right back into non-nude jailbait, and towards the end found myself on the dark web once again seeking illegal porn.
During this time I had posted several ads on Craigslist looking for actual women to sleep with, or really even just talk to; I just wanted to feel wanted. I never posted any ads actually looking for an underage girl, but one responded claiming to be 13, and against ever fiber of my being, I responded. We talked over the span of about five days, email and then through text. She complained about how all the girls at school made fun of her and she didn't have many friends and just wanted someone to talk to about "stuff". I seemed "cool" and "interesting" and she said she liked talking to me. We eventually talked about sexual things (this in itself is a felony), but fortunately no pictures were exchanged. Eventually the topic of meeting each other was brought up. I vacillated between thinking this was some old greasy dude in his basement, and thinking that I was actually talking to a young girl. This doubt gave me permission in my own head to talk to this girl. But also my own head was telling me "DUDE WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, STOP THIS." The thought of sexually talking to a 13 year old girl excited me, and I need to be honest about this. The idea of meeting up excited me as well. "She" tried to get me to meet her, but I did not make any attempt, and never actually set anything up. The rational voice in my head won out, and I stopped talking to her.
Right before I stopped talking to her I found myself driving down a long beautiful mountain road after work and Norah Jones's "Come Away With Me" came on the radio. It was so beautiful. All of a sudden it really hit me how fucking stupid I was in talking to this girl, but also how long I had been struggling with doing things I didn't want to do for so long, and how I just didn't know how to escape it. I pulled over to the side of the road and bawled my fucking eyes out. "Is this how you're going to find happiness, dude?" I just wanted to find someone to love and to love me back, to be in a healthy relationship for the first time, to feel "clean" and wholesome and proud of my actions and decisions. I didn't want any of this stupid shit I was now suddenly back into.
A week or so after I stopped communicating with this girl, five detectives woke me up at 6am banging on the door of my apartment. I was not under arrest, but they took all of my electronics and informed me that I had actually been talking to them, not to a 13 year old girl. I thought the life I knew was over (I was right), so that night I held a kitchen knife up to my arm. I thought of my parents and just couldn't go through with it. I've never seriously thought about anything like this since that moment.
I didn't hear from the police for about four months. I told my parents what had happened the day after the cops showed up, and how I had been struggling with pornography addiction my entire life, and it felt good to be "honest" (really I didn't tell them half the shit I had issues with, but even halfway felt great). I got a lawyer and just sat around for a few months waiting to be arrested, sitting with the severe anxiety of not knowing if or when my life is going to be totally destroyed by committing a sex offense.
5. Arrest. Conviction. A promise to myself.
They arrested me outside my home in broad daylight, two plainclothes officers driving an old shitty Honda Civic. If they had just told me to come to the station I would have turned myself in, but they got all theatrical with it, and called me and made up some story about how they were from my old apartment complex and wanted to drop off my security deposit at my house. To this day whenever I hear a car door shut outside my house, or see an unknown car park nearby, or even dudes in public who look like undercover cops, I immediately get a severe rush of anxiety in the fear that I'm about to be arrested again. I'll go from totally relaxed to severe paranoid paralyzing anxiety in a microsecond, heart beating out of my damn chest.
My arrest should have been a small blip in the news, but because of some other factors it would take too long to go into, I ended up on the front page of every paper and TV station in the state. Sitting in jail, I didn't know this until the next day. I remember sitting in the bond hearing court room, just staring at the line of media photographers in the audience with all their telephoto lenses, capturing my face to put it in the papers underneath words like "predator", "pedophile", and "sex offender"....and they did. My lawyer came in and just said some shit like "yeah, sorry dude, you are everywhere". It's a very unique feeling knowing that from this point forward, absolutely everything in your life will be different. Every relationship you have will be affected. Nothing will ever be the same.
I vowed right then and there to never give up no matter how tough the road ahead gets. I'm going to live a life I can be proud of; this will be my success story. Maybe I'll write a book about it, but it would be pointless without an ending I could be proud of and honest about. I will be the guy who, against all odds, moves beyond a criminal sex offense, and has people who love and trust him, and who can eventually look back and say "look at what I achieved". I've made great strides toward this life, and have worked my ass off to get where I am now, but the the mental issues which led to my eventual imprisonment are still inside my head, and I finally need to admit that I need serious help.
6. Finding happiness while everything around me is on fire.
My parents bonded me out the next day. Though my boss tried his best to keep me, the widespread news of my arrest and the fact that we were one of the most respected (and well known) general contractors in the area meant I lost my job. I was friends with over a dozen guys I worked with, always drinking some beers behind the workshop after a day of hard work. I was there fore over a year, building relationships, and I had started going out to bars and going over the bosses houses for family dinners. Save for the three main guys, I never saw any of them again. Lots of friends stuck by me, but the town was ruined.
I fought the case for almost a year. What started out as my lawyer being confident that I would just get a few years probation turned into me pleading guilty to internet solicitation of a minor and possession of child pornography. I had I think like seven nude images of girls who were under 18 on my computer, and one video. My lawyer dropped the ball several times when communicating / meeting deadlines with the district attorney, and the situation became way worse than it should have been. Under my lawyers advisement I signed a plea deal which meant there was no question I would get a prison sentence between 2 and 8 years. I did commit crimes and it is my opinion that I did deserve punishment. I mean, from the outside, I can see how I looked like a run-of-the-mill child predator. However, spending a few years in prison is probably the least helpful thing for someone in my situation, in my opinion.
While I was home fighting my case I was filled with a sort of "I have nothing to lose" confidence, and started taking any girl who would accept out on dates. I thought my friends sister was cute, so I asked her out. It took a good number of tries, but she eventually agreed to let me take her to dinner. We had a really great time. After a couple dates I was honest about the legal situation I was in, as well as my mental struggles. She was a bit shocked of course, but she had known me for a long time. She stuck around, and we had the most beautiful summer together before I had to fly 2,000 miles away to serve an unknown amount of prison time. She, as well as my parents, sisters, and friends flew out with me to the sentencing hearing. My girlfriend and I told each other "I love you" for the first time the night before the hearing.
We're still together, and she's been by my side through everything the past five years. I've never met someone who was so easy to be around. How I could ever get so lucky, I will never know.
7. Prison. Gangs. Solitary confinement. Making the most of it.
I was sentenced to four years in a medium security state penitentiary. The gangs pretty much run the prisons in this state, and you'll get immediately extorted by the gang which coincides with your skin color if they find out you're a sex offender. I stayed under the radar for a few weeks, but some gangs save newspaper clippings with sex offenders photos, and I got found out. They threatened to kill me, so I told the guards I was in danger; they agreed. I spent a month and a half in solitary confinement for my own protection. This was "the hole", a cell with no window to the outside where they never turn the lights off). I was eventually transferred to a different facility which was much safer, though one sex offender was murdered during my stay there. Prison could be a book in itself, but most of it was just groundhog day. It would be best described as long periods of mind-numbing boredom interspersed with occasional moments of sheer fucking terror. I was extremely fortunate to talk to my girlfriend every single day on the phone, as well as very regularly my parents, relatives, and friends. I had a ridiculous number of visitors, despite being a 2,000 mile flight and hours long drive through the desert away from everyone I cared about.
I had started taking mindfulness meditation classes after the initial search warrant was served. This habit continued into prison, and most of my month and a half in the hole was spent meditating. Solitary confinement can be maddening; you could occasionally hear guys screaming or crying in other ~60 cells in the solitary cell block. But honestly I've never been more at peace than how I was during those 45 days. I remember my girlfriend told me over the phone that she had heard that my ex girlfriend (long term one from when I was ~19) was going around telling people the news that I was a child molester. At first I felt panicked, because this firestorm of people I went to high school with "finding out" about me was totally out of my control. But then I came to the realization that that's pretty much how life always is, even if you're not a convicted sex offender sitting in the hole because the Aryan Empire wants to kill you. You could just be a dude minding his business, and then bam, you get run over by a bus. I can't control what people think of me, or the things they say, and that's ok. But I should be able to control which thoughts I turn into actions, and meditation helped me greatly in this.
At this new facility I eventually petitioned the warden to allow me to start a weekly meditation group. He allowed it, and they gave me a quiet classroom behind the library to use for two hours every Wednesday night. It started out with pretty much just me alone, maybe one other person occasionally. Within a few months I had about a dozen regular members. Everyone from sex offenders, to men who had murdered their wives and didn't quite know why, to ex gang members. Twice we had meditation instructors come from the outside to teach for a day. We meditated and discussed how to find peace in a place as abrasive as prison. I taught these men that their thoughts do not need to dictate their actions, and that they have control over their own mind, not the other way around. Focus on the breath, observe your own thoughts coming in and observe them going out. At this point my mind felt healthier than ever had before; I could "see" the thoughts which entered my head and choose to either pursue them or just send them on their way. Through daily practice (I meditated every morning and night) I was becoming a master of my own mind, but now I seem to have lost it all. I can't even bring myself to sit on my mediation cushion; I feel like someone is physically preventing me from meditating. I based almost my entire practice around a fantastic book called "Turning the Mind into an Ally" by Sakyong Mipham. Right after I got out of prison I heard that there were recent multiple credible sexual assault allegations against him. This destroyed me a little bit. Is anyone actually righteous?
I called the prison a few months ago. The meditation group has more members than ever.
8. I shall be released (but with an ankle bracelet).
I was paroled at my first parole hearing. Overall I spent about twenty months in prison, out of a possible 48. This didn't just happen; I have never worked so hard at anything. I participated in every prison program I could. I worked 40+ hours a week as a maintenance technician at the facility, as this is my area of expertise. I was well known and liked by dozens of guards, probably partly because I never caused a single issue. I was in three bands, and after I played a live show for the entire ~1,000 inmate population the gangs left me alone because they liked hearing me play guitar (pretty much the only thing I've stuck with for the last 15 years). I volunteered to give a ten minute graduation speech to a couple hundred inmates in a certain program. At this time, public speaking was at the top of my list of fears. I took every single opportunity presented to me an capitalized on it. Not just because I wanted to be released, but because I felt compelled to. No more being scared. No more fucking around. I am ready to lead a life I can be proud of, and it starts now, not when I'm released from behind bars.
Thankfully I was allowed to parole to my home state. I moved in with my girlfriend (and her mom), and we started looking for places to rent together, finding one in about a month. My parole office was amazing, and when I was eventually released from parole, after about a year and a half, we shared a good number of beers together. I can't tell you quite how good it feels to cut a heavy cigarette-pack sized ankle bracelet off after wearing it for 18 months straight. This was almost a year and a half ago now.
It was finally done. I was no longer a number in the Department of Corrections. I was free, free to build a beautiful life with my beautiful girlfriend. And I never watched porn again. Fairy tale ending.
9. P.S. - Nothing has really changed.
I started looking at porn probably two days after I got home. I tried REALLY fucking hard not to, but it just happened like I was on autopilot. It started with just me giving myself the excuse I could jerk off to some scantily clad anime girls, then moved to ecchi ("I mean, whatever, it's just nipples dude"), and then to hentai. In my head I'm screaming at myself, "DUDE STOP, GO HAVE SEX WITH YOUR ACTUAL HORNY GIRLFRIEND", while I'm loading up Pornhub in the bathroom. I was not allowed to look at porn while on parole, but they did not actually monitor anything or ever actually check my devices. I was allowed a smart phone and essentially unrestricted internet access. I passed all my drug tests, passed my polygraphs, and presented no actual problems to the parole office, so I pretty much totally fell off their radar. I had to take state-sponsored sex offender therapy, but if I had admitted to looking at porn they would've just sent me back to prison because it was a parole violation. So much for getting help with your biggest problem.
I tried to stop, dozens of times. At most I could go about two weeks without looking at porn, which is pretty much a world record for me. But whenever I abstain for a long period, something will inevitably stress me out, and I'll dive back into the sexual compulsion. Soon, I got right back on Omegle, and found a new thing to search for: phone sex. In the past eighteen months I've probably have phone sex with at least three dozen women. In my mind, and I'm sure in the mind of my girlfriend, this is cheating, plain and simple. Again, what the fuck dude.
But I'm not thinking of this when we're together. I'm just being me, and enjoying her. There's no present thought in my mind going "hey I feel really guilty about having phone sex with girls right before you get home from work". I love her, and I love spending time with her, and none of the shameful shit I am involved in even enters my mind when we are together. Though occasionally during sex I'll get hit with a wave of shame and I'll lose my erection and can't get it back up. "I'm just really tired", I say. Ugh.
Probably 6 months ago I started looking non-nude jailbait photography again. It always happens the same - I tell myself, "ok you're horny so just jerk off for ten minutes to some vanilla stuff so you can think clearly and after that you're gonna get a bunch of shit done". Two hours later I've still got my hand on my dick, I'm all flushed and sweaty, and I'm looking at jailbait pictures while I'm screaming at myself inside my own head...
"Stop. Please stop. Dude you know you don't want to be doing this. Is this going to be the last time? If you need to finish just do it but make this the last time. You can still stop. Go take a cold shower and just stop. Please. You know this isn't what you want. Please stop".
I just burst into fucking tears typing that because I've gone through that loop in my own head literally tens of thousands of times. I just cannot stop myself. There is nothing I want more in this world than to stop all of this.
It just keeps happening, no matter how many strategies I use to stop, I always find an excuse.
"Just do it this once but then never again."
"Ok fine, jerk off to some legal jailbait stuff, but make it quick, no endless scrolling."
"Well you're a freak anyways, everyone thinks you're a pedo, so fuck it, prove em right. You know you can't stop so just embrace it and enjoy it. Let's find the kinkiest shit possible."
And when I DO abstain for a long period, when I eventually relapse it's just 1000x worse. I'll end up doing like an eight hour binge and missing an entire day of work.
And it's getting worse. I'll talk to girls and guys over the phone via Omegle, and I've started asking guys to roleplay a dad/daughter or brothelittle sister fantasy with me. I ask if they want to roleplay that we're dads and have "hot" stories to tell about our young daughters. I get turned on thinking about talking about something this kinky, but I end up hanging up every time within like a minute. Like literally I've never even gotten close to "finishing" on one of these calls. Probably done this like 15 times in the past 6 months. The other guy starts going into his fantasy story and it hits me how fucked up this is and I hang up. I don't want to fuck kids...this is not a thing that is on my mind, ever. I do not go to the beach and think "hell yeah look at all this ripe young ass". Almost all of my friends have young children and I've never once thought of doing anything with them. In fact I pretty much avoid children, because I now project what I think other people think of me onto myself.
When I ask these guys on Omegle to roleplay occaisonally one will ask if I'm "active", aka actually molesting a child, and it makes me want to throw up thinking someone would want to hear about actual abuse. When I read a news story about someone actually raping a kid my face curls up in disgust, which I feel like is pretty much the "normal" reaction. Weigh that against the fact that a couple times in prison I got horny and started writing a few sex stories involving young teens. I never finished any of these stories, and shredded and threw them out halfway through writing all of them. Again, what the fuck.
I'm just waiting for the FBI to show up at my house. Isn't asking guys on Omegle, "would you be into a fantasy where we roleplay as two dads telling hot stories about our daughters?" a huge red flag? But I always tell them, "this is 100% fantasy, and I do not want to hear about anything real. I do not want to receive pictures or participate in anything actually illegal." If they say they have real stories I leave the chat / hang up immediately. Even though I'm not doing anything illegal, whenever I hear a car door shut from a neighbor, my heart races and I have to get up from my desk to check if it's the cops.
I also sometimes ask the phone sex girls on Omegle to ageplay as a young teens for me, and pretty much all of them have been happy to. Like 15, 14, 13 years old, whatever they're comfortable with. Why do I want this? Why is there such a disconnect between what I find disgusting in real life and what I "want" to fantasize about? If I could pay someone my entire life savings to remove the part of my brain that harbors this desire to fantasize about the idea of sex with young girls, I wouldn't hesitate for a second. I do not and have not talked with anyone on Omegle or on the phone who says that they are actually under 18; at least prison taught me the lesson to never talk to an actual young person ever again. Maybe in some peoples opinions the ageplay thing is acceptable and nothing to be ashamed about, but I do not want it as a kink of mine. It brings me serious, crushing shame for days after I participate in it.
Shame really seems to be a constant theme of my sexuality throughout the years. Even after normal sex I feel a bit of shame. I've always had serious shame amount my body, especially my genitals, but even with just taking off my shirt. My parents were always open to talk about sex, and to my memory never did anything to instill shame in me when it came to sex. But stepping back it almost looks like the things that I find the most shameful are the things I'm most likely to seek out.
Post too long, last two chapters have been posted in a comment.
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2020.07.27 11:52 27JJuldacket Da-ting Si-tes for Married Cou-ples

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2020.07.24 21:44 throwitallaway8787 I cannot stop looking at non-nude jailbait photos. I just bought my first house with my girlfriend, love my job, and overall my life is great - I am "happy". Three years ago I walked out of prison for a related sex offense. I'm starting to repeat the same behavior, and I don't know how to get help.

This is a very long post. At the very least, I promise you an interesting story.
I'm really struggling right now, and have been for the majority of my life. If I keep heading down the path I am currently on, I know I will once again find myself in a prison cell, thinking about how amazing my life had been, and wishing I had gotten help before it was too late. I have already gazed once over the smouldering ruins of a life I had worked hard for, only to lose everything in one defining moment. I've risen from the ashes once; I don't think I can do it again.
As a first step, I just need to put the full truth of my behavior out there. I have never told anyone half the stuff I'm about to write here, not even therapists. I really just need to type it out, all of it; I need to see it. I'm not looking for a diagnosis from anyone, but maybe just some thoughts from those who can relate to what I've been going through my entire life. There are crimes mentioned here, but I have already been convicted and served time for every one of them, and I am not currently engaging in any illegal activity.
I am currently in no danger of harming myself or anyone else, unless you count consistently violating the trust of all the people I love. This will eventually lead to me ruining the life I've worked so hard for, as well as destroying everyone I love. This issue, in various forms, has been going on for almost twenty years - all of my teen years and adult life. I don't know what it's like not to be handicapped by this. Enough is enough.
1. Sexuality in my childhood and early teen years.
I grew up financially privileged household with parents who both supported me, and I believe did they absolute best they could. In terms of their treatment of me, I don't ever recall them being anything but supportive in every possible way. As an only child of well-off parents, I was spoiled, and to my memory I really never had to earn the things I wanted. I think that my parents felt guilty for reasons mentioned below, and buying me stuff was seemingly an easy way to make me happy, especially since they both worked full time. A series of full-time babysitters helped take care of me early on. To my memory they were all great.
My parents were constantly yelling at each other. Never any physical abuse, but the yelling never stopped between them. At best guess it was all financial stuff due to my dad buying any car or motorhome or boat or house he liked. I counted once that they split up at least ten times before I was a teenager, and I lived in over twelve different houses (in the same area) before I turned 18. I had normal childhood friends, but I ended up spending a lot of time alone in my room with the door closed; it was a safe space. I was a very fearful and timid child, and never took chances to do anything that made me uncomfortable. This lack of confidence was strong into my late teens, and was still present until my mid-twenties. I was nervous and anxious all the time, and my parents did have me in therapy various times for depression. It might be worth noting that I regularly wet the bed until probably age 8 or 9. I don't know how much a normal person remembers of their childhood, but I think I remember a lot less than average. I have no reason to think I've repressed any abuse.
I was always extremely well behaved, and never once had to be disciplined in school. I was quite literally never "in trouble". Growing up, I remember adults around me would constantly remark I acted and talked like an adult. The way other kids acted out was very strange to me. I started reading books by myself at a very young age. I was nice, fairly quiet, and unassuming. I guess the best way to describe me would've been "stoic".
I was fascinated with sex a very early age, and my parents gave me "the talk" sometime in elementary school because teachers had noticed my sexual behavior. I have no reason to believe I was ever abused by anyone during this time. Around age 11 I found a page of Hustler magazine underneath a sink in a local grocery store. I had never seen anything like that before, and can still remember exactly what the page looked like - full penetration, cum on faces, anal. Like I said I don't remember much at all from when I was young, but I remember this; it felt like something snapped in my brain.
At best guess, around the age of 13 or 14 I started watching several hours of hardcore internet pornography every night - binge sessions that would keep me up until the early hours of the morning. At the time I didn't think this was abnormal.
I often forget just how terrified I was of girls at this state in my life, because I am now very confident with women. But from puberty and into my early twenties I was painfully inept with girls. If a pretty girl talked to me my face would turn BEET red and I'd start noticeably sweating. With the few girls I felt comfortable with, I was a friend zone extraordinaire. Just like most male teenagers, I was extremely horny, and lusted after every single cute girl, but I never did anything with any of them...not even close until late high school, not even a kiss. Everyone I knew was having sex at 13 and 14 years old, and I felt like a total loser in this regard. Asking a girl out was simply impossible, let alone knowing what to do if they wanted to have sex. This was a constant source of crushing stress, and porn was a temporarily band-aid for the pain. I would like to know if this might be part of the reason I find the jailbait and ageplay stuff so exciting.
I did have one girlfriend for almost two years from age 18 to 20, but I had serious issues getting it up when we had sex. I think my brain was so used to the constant stream of porn every night that real girls were now just boring, intimidating, and a lot of work. She cheated on me, but I stayed with her because she was hot and she told me she loved me. Then we both went to college near each other, but she broke up with me like a month into the first semester via text. I was crushed and didn't get into another relationship until I was 25. Before my mid-twenties my level of confidence with girls was simply abysmal.
To the best of my knowledge, my movement outside normal pornography started during my late teens/early 20s with hentai, then into paying camgirls, then to making posts on Craigslist in all the personal sections, but mostly m4m because the people were real and looking. At some point later on I started looking at loli hentai, which I've recently learned actually appears to be illegal in the USA. This seems like a defining moment because prior to this I had no urge to seek out anything "young". The girls looked young in hentai, and it seemed at some point to just slowly progress to drawings which were meant to actually resemble children. It was a very long, slow, and imperceptible shift from regular porn to extreme, but to me, looking back, the path is very distinct.
I consider myself straight, and not even bisexual. But I also talked to hundreds of men during this period of time by way of the Craigslist personals section (probably age 21 at this point). Most I just talked to, and never intended to meet. I ended up giving blowjobs to two of them in cars, and I fucking hated it each time. I compulsively created and responded to these posts on Craigslist. I recently deleted that email account - there were literally thousands of those Craigslist emails.
2. Worsening compulsive porn use in my early twenties.
At this point I started venturing more and more into "deviant" porn. After a huge binge session I would finish and just sit there numb, wondering why I was continuously doing this, even if it was just regular porn. Shame and guilt hit me like a truck after every session, but when I would wake up the next day I seemingly forgot about everything, and just would go on with my normal life. Nobody realized I had any porn issues whatsoever, and from the outside I appeared as a normal dude, and really I didn't think I had issues. Every night was the same, and every night I ended up going to bed hating myself, but would be just blissfully ignorant come the next day.
It was like some Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde shit where I would just transform into some slimy reptile at night, who had full control of me until he finished a smut binge session. And I'm always in the background, trying to get him to stop. I was "happy" at this point; I had tons of friends, and was liked by girls. Though at that time, a girl would have to literally throw herself on me to let me know she was interested. I was totally oblivious to any attraction toward me. A number of girl have told me in recent years that they had a huge crush on me, but I was just oblivious.
Also, I think I had this warped perception of sex because I had been exposed to thousands of hours of hardcore porn. I thought my dick was tiny and that I'd get laughed at. Also, no one had ever property taught me to care for my uncircumcised penis, and therefore I had phimosis at this point (unretractable foreskin). Sex with my one long term girlfriend was painful for me because of this, and it was just so much easier to jack off than deal with all this humiliation.
3. Things get bad.
Around 2009 Chatroulette and Omegle came out, which was a turning point. I found myself calling in sick to work to browse Omegle all day and night. Like eight or ten hours worth, which is sometimes what it took to find a girl willing to help you finish. There were girls who were definitely younger than 18, but I was so desperate for any sexual attention that I somehow convinced myself that talking to these girls was OK. "If they don't say they're under 18 then it's ok, right??" I didn't have a preference for anyone younger, but if some girl was willing to watch me, apparently I didn't really care what their age was. At the end of all these sessions I would think, "uh, what the fuck are you doing dude", followed by the normal torrent of shame.
The rational me is always there, literally begging myself to stop. I consistently participate in things I am ashamed of, all the while telling myself that what I'm doing is wrong and hoping that I can somehow stop myself. I feel like I'm down a dark well, screaming up at the guy who is in charge, but all he wants to is consume the dirtiest and kinkiest smut he can find; only after that will he let me climb out.
Which brings us to when I started looking at non-nude jailbait photos around the age of 23. I'm not sure when I discovered the "Newstar" and "Tinymodel" photo sets, but to that reptile dude in my head they were extremely exciting.
Historically, I have never had any intense sexual attraction to girls younger than me, and I have always sought out girls within my age range. But being honest, part of me loved looking at these pictures of young scantily clad girls. Vanilla porn was now just uninteresting, and didn't provide me the same excitement, and this jailbait stuff was literally like I had found a new drug. I loved it and I fucking hated it. I never walked around in public and saw young girls and thought "wow I want to have sex with her". It was all photo and video based. It was like the girls I was looking at online weren't even real people to me.
It was not long before I started seeking out actual underage pornography. I have intentionally searched for and masturbated to actual child pornography. I have never actually said that sentence to anyone, despite the fact that I was eventually caught and charged with possession of this shit. I only got into this stuff for a few weeks, but I fucking hate that I participated in it at all. A lot of it was just videos of young girls solo on webcams, but there were a few times I sought out, watched, and masturbated to girls probably as young as ten participating in sex acts with older men, presumably their fathers. I cannot un-see these images; I want them ripped from my brain, and for these kids to have normal lives. I want their abusers jailed for life.
After these binge sessions the shame was so great I considered suicide. I would go on binge sessions on the dark web, looking at whatever I could for hours, only to be met with the worst shame you could possibly imagine when I was done. I would lay in bed for days afterwards, not eating or drinking. I remember the thing that finally woke me the fuck up was coming across a video where a young girl was on camera and started to cry and looked at someone off screen and said "dad, can't we just play with legos?". WHAT THE FUCK. I have tears in my eyes just remembering this. How could anyone actually do something like this to a child? This is a real person.
Right then and there I broke down completely and sobbed my fucking eyes out. I felt completely out of control with my own actions, and though the thought of abusing a child disgusts me to my core, by watching this stuff I was supporting it. I don't want to fuck kids or young teens, so why am I watching this stuff? A few years prior to this I would have never considered looking at this stuff...what the fuck was happening to me? How do you even get help for this stuff? If I tell someone I'm looking at this shit they'll just lock me up. Instead of talking to anyone about what was going on in my own head, I moved 2,000 miles away from my home town to a town I had never visited before. I didn't even have a job lined up. Literally I hit rock bottom, panicked that the only solution was to fundamentally change my life, looked up the "happiest and healthiest town in America", and moved to #1. I'm now in my mid-twenties.
4. Moving away from home. Peace. Happiness. Misery. Police.
Initially, moving away from home did "the trick". I could actually call myself truly "happy" for the first time I think really ever, and I was healthy to boot. The possibilities in my life seemed absolutely without limit. I started working out and doing a bunch of stuff outside (rode my bike everywhere cause I didn't have a car). It was a mountainous town and I got involved in climbing, skiing, and everything else I could. I felt "clear" for the first time in decades, and my porn use pretty stopped almost completely. But I never dealt with the actual problem (and still haven't), and everything came back eventually.
I met a girl in the apartment complex one street over who I quickly fell head over heels for. We started hooking up, but it became apparent we wanted different things (I wanted commitment, she didn't), and I drove myself crazy over the next two years pining after her. I'd ask her to make things official, she'd run off, I'd date someone else, she'd get upset and sleep with me and tell me she loved me, then she'd start sleeping with someone else. We were in the same friend group, and she refused to let anyone know that we were intimate with each other. Eventually I just ended up feeling like a shameful secret. We were basically best friends who spent all our time together, and sometimes slept together. The story is long, and I think I'm at fault as much for not giving her space as she is for constantly vacillating between "loving" me and sleeping with other guys. Nothing was ever malicious on her end, but I think we were both a bit fucked up in our own ways, and eventually I found myself in a serious emotional decline. I felt hopeless and worthless; previously I had been filled with a newfound massive confidence, but now found myself just wanting to feel wanted. Before all the shit hit the fan I found myself sometimes calling her dozens of times in a night because I knew she was over some guys house. I drove around town looking for her car in front of dudes houses. I literally felt like I had lost my mind. During these times I had the same voice in the back of my head saying "uhhh, dude? this is fucked up and you need to stop".
Since moving to this city I had landed a great job with a company where I was well-liked and respected. I had tons of friends, and was like a goddamn social butterfly; I was always somewhere doing something with good people. I was so happy in almost every aspect of my life. I had been such a "scared" person my entire life, the fact that I was able to move here and succeed filled me with a confidence I had never experienced. If I could have just gotten my head out of my ass and focused on how amazing my life actually had become, I'd probably still be in this town.
But instead I dug myself into an emotional grave because the girl I wanted didn't want me in the same way, and I couldn't cope, or something. I had several other really fantastic women I was seeing on and off, ones who really liked me for me and would have been up for actual relationships, but they weren't her. In a very short period of time, towards the end of the two years of living in this new town, I got right back into the type of porn I ran away from. I started posting on Craigslist in multiple sections with both fake ads and real ads. I went from 0 to 1,000 with everything in the span of probably six months. I gave two more guys blowjobs, and once again fucking hated every second of both experience. I got right back into non-nude jailbait, and towards the end found myself on the dark web once again seeking illegal porn.
During this time I had posted several ads on Craigslist looking for actual women to sleep with, or really even just talk to; I just wanted to feel wanted. I never posted any ads actually looking for an underage girl, but one responded claiming to be 13, and against ever fiber of my being, I responded. We talked over the span of about five days, email and then through text. She complained about how all the girls at school made fun of her and she didn't have many friends and just wanted someone to talk to about "stuff". I seemed "cool" and "interesting" and she said she liked talking to me. We eventually talked about sexual things (this in itself is a felony), but fortunately no pictures were exchanged. Eventually the topic of meeting each other was brought up. I vacillated between thinking this was some old greasy dude in his basement, and thinking that I was actually talking to a young girl. This doubt gave me permission in my own head to talk to this girl. But also my own head was telling me "DUDE WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, STOP THIS." The thought of sexually talking to a 13 year old girl excited me, and I need to be honest about this. The idea of meeting up excited me as well. "She" tried to get me to meet her, but I did not make any attempt, and never actually set anything up. The rational voice in my head won out, and I stopped talking to her.
Right before I stopped talking to her I found myself driving down a long beautiful mountain road after work and Norah Jones's "Come Away With Me" came on the radio. It was so beautiful. All of a sudden it really hit me how fucking stupid I was in talking to this girl, but also how long I had been struggling with doing things I didn't want to do for so long, and how I just didn't know how to escape it. I pulled over to the side of the road and bawled my fucking eyes out. "Is this how you're going to find happiness, dude?" I just wanted to find someone to love and to love me back, to be in a healthy relationship for the first time, to feel "clean" and wholesome and proud of my actions and decisions. I didn't want any of this stupid shit I was now suddenly back into.
A week or so after I stopped communicating with this girl, five detectives woke me up at 6am banging on the door of my apartment. I was not under arrest, but they took all of my electronics and informed me that I had actually been talking to them, not to a 13 year old girl. I thought the life I knew was over (I was right), so that night I held a kitchen knife up to my arm. I thought of my parents and just couldn't go through with it. I've never seriously thought about anything like this since that moment.
I didn't hear from the police for about four months. I told my parents what had happened the day after the cops showed up, and how I had been struggling with pornography addiction my entire life, and it felt good to be "honest" (really I didn't tell them half the shit I had issues with, but even halfway felt great). I got a lawyer and just sat around for a few months waiting to be arrested, sitting with the severe anxiety of not knowing if or when my life is going to be totally destroyed by committing a sex offense.
5. Arrest. Conviction. A promise to myself.
They arrested me outside my home in broad daylight, two plainclothes officers driving an old shitty Honda Civic. If they had just told me to come to the station I would have turned myself in, but they got all theatrical with it, and called me and made up some story about how they were from my old apartment complex and wanted to drop off my security deposit at my house. To this day whenever I hear a car door shut outside my house, or see an unknown car park nearby, or even dudes in public who look like undercover cops, I immediately get a severe rush of anxiety in the fear that I'm about to be arrested again. I'll go from totally relaxed to severe paranoid paralyzing anxiety in a microsecond, heart beating out of my damn chest.
My arrest should have been a small blip in the news, but because of some other factors it would take too long to go into, I ended up on the front page of every paper and TV station in the state. Sitting in jail, I didn't know this until the next day. I remember sitting in the bond hearing court room, just staring at the line of media photographers in the audience with all their telephoto lenses, capturing my face to put it in the papers underneath words like "predator", "pedophile", and "sex offender"....and they did. My lawyer came in and just said some shit like "yeah, sorry dude, you are everywhere". It's a very unique feeling knowing that from this point forward, absolutely everything in your life will be different. Every relationship you have will be affected. Nothing will ever be the same.
I vowed right then and there to never give up no matter how tough the road ahead gets. I'm going to live a life I can be proud of; this will be my success story. Maybe I'll write a book about it, but it would be pointless without an ending I could be proud of and honest about. I will be the guy who, against all odds, moves beyond a criminal sex offense, and has people who love and trust him, and who can eventually look back and say "look at what I achieved". I've made great strides toward this life, and have worked my ass off to get where I am now, but the the mental issues which led to my eventual imprisonment are still inside my head, and I finally need to admit that I need serious help.
6. Finding happiness while everything around me is on fire.
My parents bonded me out the next day. Though my boss tried his best to keep me, the widespread news of my arrest and the fact that we were one of the most respected (and well known) general contractors in the area meant I lost my job. I was friends with over a dozen guys I worked with, always drinking some beers behind the workshop after a day of hard work. I was there fore over a year, building relationships, and I had started going out to bars and going over the bosses houses for family dinners. Save for the three main guys, I never saw any of them again. Though I did maintain a group of close friends who still supported me, the whole town now felt toxic. I decided to move back home. I flew back to the state in question probably 8 times for court hearings. What started out as my lawyer being confident that I would just get a few years probation turned into me fully pleading guilty to internet solicitation of a minor and possession of child pornography. I had I think five to seven nude images of girls who were under 18 on my computer, and one video. My lawyer dropped the ball several times when communicating / meeting deadlines with the district attorney, and the situation became way worse than it should have been. Under my lawyers advisement I signed a plea deal which meant there was no question I would get a prison sentence between 2 and 8 years. I did commit crimes and it is my opinion that I did deserve punishment for allowing myself to make disgusting choices. I mean, from the outside, I can see how I looked like a run-of-the-mill child predator. However, spending a few years in prison is probably the least helpful thing for someone in my situation, in my opinion.
While I was home fighting my case I was filled with a sort of "I have nothing to lose" confidence, and started taking any girl who would accept out on dates. I thought my friends sister was cute, so I asked her out. It took a good number of tries, but she eventually agreed to let me take her to dinner. We had a really great time. After a couple dates I was honest about the legal situation I was in, as well as my mental struggles. She was a bit shocked of course, but she had known me for a long time. She stuck around, and we had the most beautiful summer together before I had to fly 2,000 miles away to serve an unknown amount of prison time. She, as well as my parents, sisters, and friends flew out with me to the sentencing hearing. My girlfriend and I told each other "I love you" for the first time the night before the hearing.
We're still together, and she's been by my side through everything the past five years. I've never met someone who was so easy to be around. How I could ever get so lucky, I will never know.
7. Prison. Gangs. Solitary confinement. Making the most of it.
I was sentenced to four years in a medium security state penitentiary. The gangs pretty much run the prisons in this state, and you'll get immediately extorted by the gang which coincides with your skin color if they find out you're a sex offender. I stayed under the radar for a few weeks, but some gangs save newspaper clippings with sex offenders photos, and I got found out. They threatened to kill me, so I told the guards I was in danger; they agreed. I spent a month and a half in solitary confinement for my own protection. This was "the hole", a cell with no window to the outside where they never turn the lights off). I was eventually transferred to a different facility which was much safer, though one sex offender was murdered during my stay there. Prison could be a book in itself, but most of it was just groundhog day. It would be best described as long periods of mind-numbing boredom interspersed with occasional moments of sheer fucking terror. I was extremely fortunate to talk to my girlfriend every single day on the phone, as well as very regularly my parents, relatives, and friends. I had a ridiculous number of visitors, despite being a 2,000 mile flight and hours long drive through the desert away from everyone I cared about.
I had started taking mindfulness meditation classes after the initial search warrant was served. This habit continued into prison, and most of my month and a half in the hole was spent meditating. Solitary confinement can be maddening; you could occasionally hear guys screaming or crying in other ~60 cells in the solitary cell block. But honestly I've never been more at peace than how I was during those 45 days. I remember my girlfriend told me over the phone that she had heard that my ex girlfriend (long term one from when I was ~19) was going around telling people the news that I was a child molester. At first I felt panicked, because this firestorm of people I went to high school with "finding out" about me was totally out of my control. But then I came to the realization that that's pretty much how life always is, even if you're not a convicted sex offender sitting in the hole because the Aryan Empire wants to kill you. You could just be a dude minding his business, and then bam, you get run over by a bus. I can't control what people think of me, or the things they say, and that's ok. But I should be able to control which thoughts I turn into actions, and meditation helped me greatly in this.
At this new facility I eventually petitioned the warden to allow me to start a weekly meditation group. He allowed it, and they gave me a quiet classroom behind the library to use for two hours every Wednesday night. It started out with pretty much just me alone, maybe one other person occasionally. Within a few months I had about a dozen regular members. Everyone from sex offenders, to men who had murdered their wives and didn't quite know why, to ex gang members. Twice we had meditation instructors come from the outside to teach for a day. We meditated and discussed how to find peace in a place as abrasive as prison. I taught these men that their thoughts do not need to dictate their actions, and that they have control over their own mind, not the other way around. Focus on the breath, observe your own thoughts coming in and observe them going out. At this point my mind felt healthier than ever had before; I could "see" the thoughts which entered my head and choose to either pursue them or just send them on their way. Through daily practice (I meditated every morning and night) I was becoming a master of my own mind, but now I seem to have lost it all. I can't even bring myself to sit on my mediation cushion; I feel like someone is physically preventing me from meditating. I based almost my entire practice around a fantastic book called "Turning the Mind into an Ally" by Sakyong Mipham. Right after I got out of prison I heard that there were recent multiple credible sexual assault allegations against him. This destroyed me a little bit. Is anyone actually righteous?
I called the prison a few months ago. The meditation group has more members than ever.
8. I shall be released (but with an ankle bracelet).
I was paroled at my first parole hearing. Overall I spent about twenty months in prison, out of a possible 48. This didn't just happen; I have never worked so hard at anything. I participated in every prison program I could. I worked 40+ hours a week as a maintenance technician at the facility, as this is my area of expertise. I was well known and liked by dozens of guards, probably partly because I never caused a single issue. I was in three bands, and after I played a live show for the entire ~1,000 inmate population the gangs left me alone because they liked hearing me play guitar (pretty much the only thing I've stuck with for the last 15 years). I volunteered to give a ten minute graduation speech to a couple hundred inmates in a certain program. At this time, public speaking was at the top of my list of fears. I took every single opportunity presented to me an capitalized on it. Not just because I wanted to be released, but because I felt compelled to. No more being scared. No more fucking around. I am ready to lead a life I can be proud of, and it starts now, not when I'm released from behind bars.
Thankfully I was allowed to parole to my home state. I moved in with my girlfriend (and her mom), and we started looking for places to rent together, finding one in about a month. My parole office was amazing, and when I was eventually released from parole, after about a year and a half, we shared a good number of beers together. I can't tell you quite how good it feels to cut a heavy cigarette-pack sized ankle bracelet off after wearing it for 18 months straight. This was almost a year and a half ago now.
It was finally done. I was no longer a number in the Department of Corrections. I was free, free to build a beautiful life with my beautiful girlfriend. And I never watched porn again. Fairy tale ending.
9. P.S. - Nothing has really changed.
I started looking at porn probably two days after I got home. I tried REALLY fucking hard not to, but it just happened like I was on autopilot. It started with just me giving myself the excuse I could jerk off to some scantily clad anime girls, then moved to ecchi ("I mean, whatever, it's just nipples dude"), and then to hentai. In my head I'm screaming at myself, "DUDE STOP, GO HAVE SEX WITH YOUR ACTUAL HORNY GIRLFRIEND", while I'm loading up Pornhub in the bathroom. I was not allowed to look at porn while on parole, but they did not actually monitor anything or ever actually check my devices. I was allowed a smart phone and essentially unrestricted internet access. I passed all my drug tests, passed my polygraphs, and presented no actual problems to the parole office, so I pretty much totally fell off their radar. I had to take state-sponsored sex offender therapy, but if I had admitted to looking at porn they would've just sent me back to prison because it was a parole violation. So much for getting help with your biggest problem.
I tried to stop, dozens of times. At most I could go about two weeks without looking at porn, which is pretty much a world record for me. I felt fucking amazing during these periods. But whenever I abstain for a long period, something will inevitably stress me out, and I'll dive back into the sexual compulsion. Soon, I got right back on Omegle, and found a new thing to search for: phone sex. It's not hard to find a girl willing to have phone sex on there; much easier than finding someone to cam with. In the past eighteen months I've probably have phone sex with at least three dozen women. In my mind, and I'm sure in the mind of my girlfriend, this is cheating, plain and simple. Again, what the fuck dude.
But I'm not thinking of this when we're together. I'm just being me, and enjoying her. There's no present thought in my mind going "hey I feel really guilty about having phone sex with girls right before you get home from work". I love her, and I love spending time with her, and none of the shameful shit I am involved in even enters my mind when we are together. Though occasionally during sex I'll get hit with a wave of shame and I'll lose my erection and can't get it back up. "I'm just really tired", I say. Ugh.
Probably 6 months ago I started looking non-nude jailbait photography again. It always happens the same - I tell myself, "ok you're horny so just jerk off for ten minutes to some vanilla stuff so you can think clearly and after that you're gonna get a bunch of shit done". Two hours later I've still got my hand on my dick, I'm all flushed and sweaty, and I'm looking at jailbait pictures while I'm screaming at myself inside my own head...
"Stop. Please stop. Dude you know you don't want to be doing this. Is this going to be the last time? If you need to finish just do it but make this the last time. You can still stop. Go take a cold shower and just stop. Please. You know this isn't what you want. Please stop".
I just burst into fucking tears typing that because I've gone through that loop in my own head literally tens of thousands of times. I just cannot stop myself. There is nothing I want more in this world than to stop all of this.
It just keeps happening, no matter how many strategies I use to stop, I always find an excuse.
"Just do it this once but then never again."
"Ok you can look at porn but only 15 minutes worth."
"Ok fine, jerk off to some legal jailbait stuff, but make it quick, no endless scrolling."
"Well you're a fucking freak anyways, everyone think's you're a pedo, so fuck it, prove em right. You know you can't stop so just embrace it and enjoy it. Let's find the kinkiest shit possible."
And when I DO abstain for a long period, when I eventually relapse it's just 1000x worse. I'll end up doing like an eight hour binge and missing an entire day of work.
And it's getting worse. I'll talk to girls and guys over the phone via Omegle, and I've started asking guys to roleplay a dad/daughter or brothelittle sister fantasy with me. I ask if they want to roleplay that we're dads and have "hot" stories to tell about our young daughters. I get turned on thinking about talking about something this kinky, but I end up hanging up every time within like a minute. Like literally I've never even gotten close to "finishing" on one of these calls. Probably done this like 15 times in the past 6 months. The other guy starts going into his fantasy story and it hits me how fucked up this is and I hang up. I don't want to fuck kids...this is not a thing that is on my mind, ever. I do not go to the beach and think "hell yeah look at all this ripe young ass". Almost all of my friends have young children and I've never once thought of doing anything with them. In fact I pretty much avoid children, because I now project what I think other people think of me onto myself.
When I ask these guys on Omegle to roleplay occaisonally one will ask if I'm "active", aka actually molesting a child, and it makes me want to throw up thinking someone would want to hear about actual abuse. When I read a news story about someone actually raping a kid my face curls up in disgust, which I feel like is pretty much the "normal" reaction. Weigh that against the fact that a couple times in prison I got horny and started writing a few sex stories involving young teens. I never finished any of these stories, and shredded and threw them out halfway through writing all of them. Again, what the fuck.
I'm just waiting for the FBI to show up at my house. Isn't asking guys on Omegle, "would you be into a fantasy where we roleplay as two dads telling hot stories about our daughters?" a huge red flag? But I always tell them, "this is 100% fantasy, and I do not want to hear about anything real. I do not want to receive pictures or participate in anything actually illegal." If they say they have real stories I leave the chat / hang up immediately. Even though I'm not doing anything illegal, whenever I hear a car door shut from a neighbor, my heart races and I have to get up from my desk to check if it's the cops.
I also sometimes ask the phone sex girls on Omegle to ageplay as a young teens for me, and pretty much all of them have been happy to. Like 15, 14, 13 years old, whatever they're comfortable with. Why do I want this? Why is there such a disconnect between what I find disgusting in real life and what I "want" to fantasize about? If I could pay someone my entire life savings to remove the part of my brain that harbors this desire to fantasize about the idea of sex with young girls, I wouldn't hesitate for a second. I do not and have not talked with anyone on Omegle or on the phone who says that they are actually under 18; at least prison taught me the lesson to never talk to an actual young person ever again. Maybe in some peoples opinions the ageplay thing is acceptable and nothing to be ashamed about, but I do not want it as a kink of mine. It brings me serious, crushing shame for days after I participate in it.
Is anyone else like this? I just want to stop feeling like a freak - I just don't want to feel ashamed anymore.
Shame really seems to be a constant theme of my sexuality throughout the years. Even after normal sex I feel a bit of shame. I've always had serious shame amount my body, especially my genitals, but even with just taking off my shirt. My parents were always open to talk about sex, and to my memory never did anything to instill shame in me when it came to sex. But stepping back it almost looks like the things that I find the most shameful are the things I'm most likely to seek out.
Post too long, last two chapters have been posted in a comment.
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